Time to go? Or wait it out?

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 11 months ago by girlinwonderment.

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January 4, 2015 at 12:23 pm #70182

Badaboom
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I don’t know how to make a topic but need some help, so here is goes…
I’m going to jump straight to it. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly a year now. I am 28 and he is 32, so we are both looking for something serious. Not long into dating I was seriously injured in an extreme sport accident. I went into a negative place and we took a break for a month. Since then things have been great. He is very sweet, he treats me well and we have a lot of fun together. I have recently told him that I love him. He could not say it back to me. He said you need to realize for some people it takes longer to figure things out and that isn’t something that can be forced, it just has to happen. I replied with, yes but there is a piont when you know that it’s just not going to, and his response was that he is still here with me.
This conversation followed with one where he told me he loved a female friend as a friend whom he has known for 6 years. I proceeded to tell him how important it is to me to be with someone who loves me. The conversation then escalated to him telling me that he is cautious about his feelings like that because in the 4 years since his serious 10 year relationship ended he’d only felt that one other time for someone he was with for 6 months. That relationship failed because she was exposed to have a cocaine addiction.
I guess over all, I have felt love for him for sometime. I could see a future with him, but I am also 28 years old and I would like someone to share my life with. The fact that he can declare his love for his best friend who is female, and loved someone previously in just 6 months time, really causes me some emotional distress. I am concerned with my position, as I do love him very much. We have a really good thing together, but I don’t want to hold onto something that may never progress. With that said I guess my question would be to you, is this something that you would suggest leaving because the love is not returned, yet” Or does it seem as though the possibility is there and he is just being cautious with his heart” I am torn because I think if you truly love someone you love without the expectation of recieving it in return, while on the same hand it is important to me to share my life with someone who could/does love me. Please extend any aid you can.

January 4, 2015 at 1:57 pm #70188

Anonymous
Inactive

Hello there! Judging by the fact that your boyfriend may still have lingering feelings for the woman, you should let go and find someone else that will be there for you through thick and thin. The relationship would deteriorate if you DID stay together I know what it’s like to want to be with someone who you think will exceed all of your expectations and endless needs even though they’re just not the person for you. While I’ve never been in a relationship, I have wanted to be with this person who doesn’t even know me because we’ve never met. Basically, he’s a singer. At times, I tried to let go of them to move on and I’m frankly doing a good job. I haven’t talked about him, and I haven’t been on his Twitter account. Aside from that, I know I need to let go to experience something better. The same could be said for you. I hope this helps. Live, laugh, love.

January 5, 2015 at 5:06 am #70316
Inky
Participant
Hi badaboom,

True love is unconditional, and you can love him without being in a relationship. You have a life to lead. Even if he says, “I love you”, at this point, you will always wonder if he is just saying it so he doesn’t have to break up with you. I think he’s “comfortable”. But you deserve to be actively, verbally loved just as much as the ten year girlfriend and the best friend.

Tell him you’re dating other people. And then do it. That should magnify and make crystal clear for him his true feelings for you.

Good Luck,

Inky
- This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Inky.
January 5, 2015 at 7:42 am #70321

Karen
Participant

Oh, dear…
I’ve been in his place. It was terrible because I knew I didn’t love him anymore and no matter what I did, how much I tried, I couldn’t force love, couldn’t make this relationship right. We had a (somewhat) messy breakup. And I regret that I wasted his time, I regret that some of his first experiences were with someone not in love with him.
Anyways if this is the case with your boyfriend, it pains me to say this but I don’t think you can work it out. It’s not your fault. It’s not his. It will hurt to part ways… but well, we all face pain and frustration. I’ve had my share for the first time, and I’m angry at myself, and I’m angry at life, but I know the healthiest thing to do is accept this defeat and move on.
You deserve a partner on the same page as you. You can be happy while single, ove you’re over the pain. And one day someone else will appear and you’ll love again, and you won’t regret this decision.
It’s hard when love goes wrong. My heart goes out to you.

January 5, 2015 at 5:00 pm #70550

girlinwonderment
Participant

hi, 28? Omg you are so young honey! Take it from the voice of experience – if he is not madly in love with you a year later, this is something to think about. Maybe if you give yourself a chance you will find true love. It is delicious.

Breakups are tough, but you get through them, they make you grow, and get you closer to the guy who you wont have to “guide” to love you – if he is not ready now…he can make up his mind…but not on your watch.

Its up to you. I have been in less than fulfilling relationships that made me someone I didn’t like later – so I had to get out.

Emotions….show physically.

I would not wait…can you honestly live with this torment? what will happen 6 months from now? How will you feel?

**hugs** go bet on yourself. You’re 28!
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