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Thoughts from a cell phone bill

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  • #115841
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    I hadn’t been tracking my cell carrier’s changes, and missed reviewing a couple of phone bills until I noticed autopaying a $700.00 one in September. I do a lot of texting to keep up with things, and discovered that texting had no longer been included with the changes due to me being off-contract.

    Had been busy with other things, and didn’t really check bills until that big one came up. Probably will have another stupidly large one coming for another month until it got fixed.

    Apart from feeling really down about the cost, and all of the better things I could have done with that money, I was kicking myself over not scrutinizing things as well as I should have.

    Even more so, because after the August bill, which on double checking was big, I got a call from the compans sales department. Thinking that it was just a way to get more money out of me (thinking that things were okay as is and not having looked at August) I pretty much told the guy to go bugger off.

    The irony is that I probably cost myself about $800-900 by doing that. That’s a couple of pairs of good dress shoes, a decent suit, about half the cost of a varmint rifle I was looking at, half a mortgage payment, or a bunch of shares of various mutual funds. All lost because I let myself get too busy to check things monthly and because I foolishly told the cell phone rep to go to hell. Factoring in all sources of income, it is less than a percent of total gross income, but still hurts. Especially since it boils down to me messing up. I had better uses for that money than to donate it to my cell provider.

    I wonder how much else I have been paying for my approach to things. Would be nice if the consequences of stuff didn’t hurt so bad.

    #115847
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear XeopusTex:

    You overspent 800-900 dollars on the phone bill, which you say is less than 1% of your gross yearly income. This means your gross yearly income is about 100,000.

    How much of $100,000 is making you a happy man, XenopusTex: a man happy to come home at the end of the day?

    It is mind boggling, how much of our resources, money is one, is wasted on a rushed life, on distractions. The waste is much greater than the 800-900.

    I have wasted a whole lot of money and decades of years, my youth… It seems to me that people wasting resources and time is the norm, not the exception.

    anita

    #115866
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    Happiness is a concept that has been absent for a long time. The things that I used to at least somewhat enjoy, don’t seem to do much. Annoying things seem to happen more frequently. Everything seems to be more money/trouble than it is worth. My patience with people/things, has pretty much been worn out. Things that have been planned go to hell in a hand basket. People who should be reliable aren’t, and I have come to expect people to be wholly unreliable. Expenses pop up.

    Long story short, no, I am not particularly happy. Still trying to figure out what to do with the family issue. It is simply not socially acceptable out here to more or less toss out, so that means if I want separation, I will have to be the one to move. Tired of having the constant prying into what I am doing, etc. just another expense and hassle that I really don’t need. You’d think there would be some respect, but no.

    I am not even sure that there is such a thing as happiness anymore. I see folks who look to be happy, but I know that lots of things can be faked. People can put on good shows for others. Hysteria, happiness, sadness, etc. can all be faked to one degree or another depending on skill and how much effort one wants to put in. See that a lot for example with female defendants who get up in front of the court and cry to get sympathy. And, sadly the more happy/polite the person you are dealing with, the more likely it is that they are trying to screw you over.

    Long story short, no, the income doesn’t make me happy. I don’t seem to be happy period.

    #115871
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    sorry that happened to you. my carrier texts me my total balance and emails me the bill, and i freak when it’s even 5$ more, i’d probably die if i saw 700$

    it does serve a good lesson for many things. i know when my boyfriend was out of work and the bills were being paid by credit, i kept going ‘for my own stress levels, i’m not going to look’ he’s got a job now, and we’re not too far gone, but i’m starting to get back on budget and it’s painful to look at. [our cards are thankfully separate, but he’s going to credit canada and has gotten on a payment plan and thankfully he’s no longer being hit with 30% interest] i remember at the beginning of the summer the bank was offering credit cards and i kept turing it down because i liked my card, but the once zero balance slowly grew, and i decided a 25$ annual fee was better thank the zero annual fee card i had because of the interest.

    sometimes you need to check in with stuff, financially, spiritually, mentally, physically, you just need to stop, get everything in order, and focus. life can get so busy, it’s a good idea to stop for a moment. i know my plantar fasciitis means i have to warm up my feet in the morning and stretch every day, but some days i’m running late, or i go ‘oh, i feel fine, i can skip today’ but it always gets worse. [three days of no stretching and the pain is right back to before i got my orthodontics] i think we just get lazy and use ‘busy life’ as an excuse.

    #115877
    Kath
    Participant

    Dear Xenopous Tex,

    I think there are two different things at work here:

    1. The actual cost and your anger about not having recognised it early enough, for whatever reason.
    It’s annoying, I can understand that you are angry, but it is not a drama – you will not end up homeless or have other serious consequences because of this, as far as I understand? (Even if, it would help more to focus on a solution than on blaming yourself). And we are all human. We cannot be perfect and control everything at once. In hindsight we think we can, but you will only get anxious, paranoid and even more unhappy if you try to control every last bit of life in oder to avoid mistakes. (Look around you at people who do that, they are not fun to be around and they also dont like themselves a lot and neither are they very happy…you don’t get happier from having things under control) I think it is a better approach to accept that life is full of mistakes (because honestly, this shit happens to everyone, and has also happened to me in a similar form), and to allow for that instead of making yourself miserable.

    2. The other thing that is at work are the emotions this incident brings up in you, and the things you are starting to reflect on because of this. I think that maybe it’s good that this thing happend and opened up a valve…
    About two years ago I had a phase where I felt EVERYTHING was going wrong, and I almost felt like the universe had joined forces to take me down. But seeing it from a different perspective now I would say it was mostly my own destructive thinking.
    I think it is important that you (after accepting that life is not perfect, you are not perfect and neither is anyone around you) take responsibility for your own happiness, and start to slowly build a life that you might like.
    But for that you need to stop bashing yourself for mistakes or things you cannot control, and stop blaming your surroundings for your unhappiness. Calender quote right here: Life doesn’t have a remote. You need to get up and change it yourself.

    I hope this is of any use for you, fuck that money and take care of yourself, because you deserve to be happy, as anyone else does.
    kath

    #115885
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    The loss of money wouldn’t sting so badly, except for I had just purchased a new rifle at the suggestion of law enforcement that came out to about $1,900.00. A nice piece of kit, but yeesh at the combination.

    Was also looking at going on a trip, but wound up bailing on that idea, and now looking at something shorter just to get out of town. Perhaps I over-reacted in response to the money thing, who knows. Amusingly, the closest way to get “out-of-town” to any significant city is to go up to Canada. It’s also much cleaner… I miss how this State used to be when I moved up here.

    Just not very good at being happy I guess. Have a history of depression. I don’t usually try new things anymore because stuff always seems to be a disappointment. People generally tend to be disappointments as well. Basically, most of that which exists seems to be disappointing. Kind of at a state of apathy.

    #115889
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear XenopusTex:

    Your “state of apathy” is very visible to me. I “hear” it loud and clear in your writing (this thread and the Scratching head thread).

    You wrote in the post before last: “I see folks who look to be happy, but I know that lots of things can be faked. People can put on good shows for others… (Women) cry to get sympathy. And, sadly the more happy/polite the person you are dealing with, the more likely it is that they are trying to screw you over.”

    Do you, XenopusTex, believe you can or should ever trust any one person? Is there potentially a person who is or could be worthy of your trust… who will look happy because he/ she is happy; who will cry because he/ she is sad or scared… a person who will not try to “screw you over”?

    anita

    #115902
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    Hard to say. In my line of work, I get lied to just about every day that I am at work. Based on some of the posts on these fora, it appears that other people get lied to by folks about relationships, etc. Based on posts on these fora, it also seems that people aren’t willing to honor commitments and think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

    With regard to crying defendants, the only thing they are sad about is getting caught. Psychopaths don’t give two hoots in hell about their victims, but they are really unhappy when the get caught. Also, research is showing that psychopaths don’t have the fear of consequences reaction that normal people do. So, being scared isn’t an issue. It’s all a sympathy scheme. And, yes, it does work with some judges. Personally, I don’t care if for example, the female multi-time drug dealer is on the stand crying about the fact that she has to go to prison for a long time; if it really bothered her, she should have stopped dealing after getting caught a few times before.

    I truly don’t know what to think. That one gal who seemed happy to see me, apparently not so much. I think that people will express interest until they get what they want, and then move on. I think that people will make things appear to be a certain way, regardless of what the real situation is. Perhaps that is why I have never found a significant other, but having a hell of a time finding a reason to trust people.

    #115905
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear XenopusTex:

    Well, maybe it will help if I share my experience communicating with you on this forum, on the Scratching Head thread:

    I know that I have no ulterior motives in regard to you. I communicated with you so far with a double motivation: to learn from you and to help you, a Win-Win motivation. I know that I am 100% worthy of your trust in the context of this forum. I am not a defendant in court where you are the prosecutor. I am not aiming to meet you in person and benefit from your money and otherwise, I have no plans whatsoever for your money.

    And yet, often enough you ignored my posts to you. When other respondents wrote to you, you didn’t start your replies with a name, as in “hi anita” or “his (someone else’s name)”. Often enough you ignored the content of the post to you, didn’t respond.

    I am thinking in your day to day life, with these women, that you also didn’t respond, didn’t interact and somehow expected things to happen without your participation.

    anita

    #115925
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    Anita, not sure what you mean by didn’t respond, interact, etc. with those folks. I admit that I probably appeared tired and stressed, and didn’t have my “A” game on (hell, I don’t really even have a social “A” game), but I didn’t sit there like a bump on a log. I average 12 hour work days excluding lunch, I get tired, sometimes even to the point where 12 cups of coal black coffee do nothing. Simply because I look tired doesn’t mean I don’t care, it just means that I’m tired.

    Showed up late to the one lunch with the most recent woman, when it was agreed on to meet the next day at the same time, and the time I encountered her at the start of the conversation was ~12:25 (when she entered the restaurant), I figured that she was talking 12:25ish. When I arrived at 12:25ish, was surprised to find out that she meant noon and was done eating. I probably should have verified the time, but it’s not like I had the exact time and just decided to show up late.

    With the other one canceled one of three lunches due to stuff popping up at work. Was late for the first one, but as she could see, I got stuck in a court proceeding that just would not end (traffic infraction court no less). She was literally standing outside the door of the courtroom. You can’t just tell the judge that you have something else that you would like to do, and you can’t tell the defendants to stop blathering about inane “defenses” to his/her conduct. Hell, I even called her and let her vent about work stuff, etc.

    In both cases, we met, talked. Asked about them, etc. I did check the time periodically, but that is something I do generally at lunch anyway, since it’s usually an hour break. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t come to a screeching halt for either of us simply because it was decided to have lunch together. Would I have loved to have spent the afternoon with either of them without any concern for time, yes. But, unfortunately, that’s not how things work.

    So, at a loss as to what responding/interacting means.

    #115936
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear XenopusTex:

    “responding/ interacting” means the following:

    1. In your posts you don’t mention who it is you are responding/ interacting with. At first, on the other thread (and so far here) it was only me and you. So I assumed you were responding/ interacting with me. Later other people joined in and I was at a loss: the great majority of the time you didn’t mention the name of the respondent you were responding to. I didn’t know WHO you were communicating with.

    If you start your posts with “(Nam)e”- that will make communication clearer but it will also be respectful. See, I for one, put my time and energy in formulating posts for you, responding with “Hi anita” or something like that would be you acknowledging that … well, that I exist, on your thread.

    2. Often, you did not respond to any part of the content in my posts to you. It was as if I was talking to …. what I wrote to you, was it not intelligent enough or valid to elicit a response?

    So respond to something in the content of a post written to you.

    3. You get paid for the job that you do. I don’t get paid. If I was your wife and you were too busy to pay attention to me often enough, maybe I would say to myself: “but he is bringing in good money for me and my children…”

    Your business does not make it any less pleasant when you don’t mention the name of the person you are writing to (how long does it take?) or when you don’t respond to the content of the post (don’t post until you are ready then), or – I suppose- when you are late to your dates (how often do you have dates? Might as well interrupt the judge for such a rarity!)

    anita

    #115971
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    Anita:

    Very, very funny about the judge and my social life. He/she doesn’t care. They care about their social lives, and sometimes the social lives of criminal defense attorneys (i.e. will continue if defense has a vacation planned). They don’t give two hoots in hell about attorneys working for the State, we are fungible items. Amusingly, the state supreme court is more likely to grant extensions of time than the local trial courts are.

    I remember getting told by the first woman that she didn’t think my schedule would allow such things as travel out of the country. I don’t get it. One out of three lunches gets axed because I got a flaming sack of feces on the desk, and one was delayed due to getting trapped in court. It’s not like I never showed up for any of them. What am I supposed to say? Sorry Officer Bob, your search warrant paperwork to recover the weapon just used in “X” will have to wait because I have a lunch date?

    I get suspicious of people who are always immediately available. Stuff happens. If you aren’t busy, less stuff happens. Think of the women who post on these fora about how great husband/boyfriend was when they first met, etc., and then they discovered that the guy is basically lazy and worthless lout. Nobody ever stops to think how/why the guy can be so attentive, etc. early on? It’s easy to be attentive, etc. when you don’t have anything going on and you see a gravy train approaching.

    I mean really, what would be better to have as a significant other… one of those pot-head types, somebody who is , or somebody who probably works too much and is pessimistic but is faithful and actually contributes financially?

    And, what is “enough” time? I was working with a detective on a significant new case that needed to get dealt with ASAP. His new wife called him asking when he was going to get home. Isn’t the obvious answer when the matter gets done? What does calling do other than increase the amount of time it takes to get the project done by creating a distraction?

    I admit that I just don’t get the social thing. I am tired of being single at 39, but just am having a hell of a time conquering the social thing. I also don’t get the whole “happy” thing, and am apparently good at “killing” a room so-to-speak. Intense interest in changing the situation, but nothing works.

    Passed the deadline of my goal of being in a relationship. Watching others find folks, but no clue how they are actually accomplishing that. I do know that I’m tired of being single.

    #115973
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear XenopusTex:

    My bedtime now, so will read tomorrow and reply then (10 hours or so). I do like your opening of the last post- it has my name in it- quite pleased. Till the morrow-
    anita

    #115977
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Dear Xenopus,

    A thought for the day:

    β€œTo overcome the anxieties and depressions of contemporary life, Individuals must become independent of the social environment to the degree that they no longer respond exclusively in terms of its rewards and punishments. To achieve such autonomy, a person has to learn to provide rewards to herself. She has to develop the ability to find enjoyment and purpose regardless of external circumstances.”

    Use your critical abilities to find “ways” towards happiness within rather than a critique of your ever move and that of others all the time. The balance point is missing right now – it’s too much about work and serious things – when was the last time you really relaxed and enjoyed yourself?

    Regards,
    Nina

    #115982
    Kath
    Participant

    Dear Xenopus,

    some more thoughts, even though you didn’t really reply to my last post.

    Anita has a point here, I think you are not actually listening, but just venting… (it’s your jobs fault, it’s the womens fault for not seeing things they should see, it’s the worlds fault for being as it is… )

    You seem to carry a lot of resentment in you, and demand that people see you and your reality. But are you seeing other people and their truths?

    What happened that makes you so angry? Who/what hurt you so much that you resent everything and everyone? Because that is not the world, that is some blueprint in you, some expectation that did not get fulfilled or was disappointed.
    So what is it you actually expect from people and this world, Xenopous??

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