Just last night, I wrote in the forum about having an existential crisis and not knowing how to cope. The act of writing helped me, as did Inky, who gave me a supportive response. Tonight I feel like I’m back at square one and am now on the fence of saying forget this all, I’m outta here.

I hung out with a couple of people tonight – the only social outlet I have since I’m in a new town without a car. Although they’re nice people, I feel so worn and frustrated after I hang out with them. They’re awful listeners and their energies are kind of all over the place. I don’t feel like we’re on the same wavelengths, which is how I feel with almost everyone at my new school. I’ve lived all over the world and feel that I’ve been able to get along with people from all walks of life, so I’m very confused about the circumstances. People are spacey, frantic, inconsiderate, all around weird. I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone with not one soul who I can relate to. The more I try, the worse it gets. I’ve felt more at home with the people I lived with in the middle of nowhere, Bolivia. It’s so extreme I can’t stop wondering what kind of test I’m being put up to. Sometimes I wonder if it’s me who’s gone crazy. I’m thinking I should call up my good friends to see if they seem weird and if they do, I’ll know that it’s just me being wacky. But I honestly don’t think it is.

The only thing at this point that makes me feel some hope and keeps me from feeling like I’m going to have a mental breakdown is telling myself that I’m not staying here. After this semester, I’m going back to my hometown. Nothing is worth the struggle and alienation I feel. Especially since it’s costing me so much to live here.

I’m so grateful for this Tiny Buddha forum/community. Just writing this makes me feel better.