Parker,

I can identify with you for I grew up in a family that did not show much emotion.

It is a struggle to recognize and identify my emotions as well. Might want to check out Marshall Rosenberg‘s nonviolent communication website or gives a list of emotions to look at.

What I recommend is to notice your body more for that’s where emotions reside.  Be more body aware. For example, when I’m afraid I notice my heart beating faster, stomach clenching, neck muscles tightening, etc.

Mark

Dear Parker:

You were born a child with all emotions,  but because of emotional neglect, you were shut down your feelings, similar to a tree that doesn’t get enough water (love), shedding its leaves (emotions).

Question: do you feel passion when eating certain foods? If you do, describe that experience, will you?

anita

Dear Parker:

When we shut down our emotions, or shed them, it happens without our choosing, it is a natural occurrence, happens as a reaction to lack of love. But our emotions don’t die, they don’t disappear, they are there, only repressed, numbed, underneath. The passion that you have for Italian food, that comes from those numbed emotional part of you.

What happens next is that you get too-excited-for-comfort, facing pasta or pizza. You are not used to that kind of excitement, fearing it, so you rush through eating, to get the excitement over with.

Eating differently is a way for you to make a lot of progress in your situation, but it will be a slow and gradual process. Next time you are facing pizza, don’t rush. Every time you notice a rushing, slow down-

– this is very difficult to do and very unpleasant, but there is no way to heal from emotional shut down without the anxiety and discomfort involved in healing.

Slow down, chew slowly, make the eating not an automatic, quick experience. Slow down. Try it, if you will and let me know how it goes.

anita

Parker,

You do feel your body.  If you stub your toe, don’t you feel pain?  If you run an ice cube up your arm, don’t you feel cold and the wet?

Practice tensing up parts of your body, starting with your skull, then face, nose, mouth, neck, shoulders, chest, stomach, and so on down to your toes.  Do each part of the body one at a time, separately.  Tense really hard, notice your body.  Then relax and notice your body then.  Note the differences.  Do this as a nightly ritual in bed before sleeping.

Practice how you feel.  Recall the sad times in your life.  Really visualize it.  Step into that recalled experience with remembering the smells, sounds, tastes, and visuals of that time when you were really sad.  Once you gone to that place then notice your body.  What parts are tight?  Run your body inventory from the top down to the bottom and note what areas are tense, tingling, hot/warm, etc.

Try that with other emotions like joy, anger, peace, resentment, curiosity, etc. by recalling when you felt that in your life.

Make all of this your daily practice.

Mark