@anita

Thank you for responding Anita.

He never really wanted to go back to his home country, because he prefers it here. He gets depressed easily in his home country. When we got together, he was very upfront about the circumstances but was convinced someone would sponsor a work permit. We discussed the possibility of marriage, because in the long run we wanted to live together and start a family. Of course to many this looked like he’d just marry me for the sake of staying in the UK, but he bought me a beautiful ring and we discussed things in depth. There was genuine affection there.

Money wise, he’s still not paid me back. It wasn’t a great deal of money. Basically, he owed his old flat mate for bills. When he went back to Singapore, he didn’t have a job and the friend needed the money. Since he didn’t have much money, and he’s probably have had to pay a conversion fee, he asked me to pay it for him meanwhile. At the time, he was very grateful, felt bad and kept mentioning about paying it back. I told him not to worry. Even when we broke up, I told him to pay it when he could afford it. At first he tried to get a friend here, who owed him money to pay me. Then he expected me to sell his stuff I have here. In the end, I guess he realised that was unreasonable so reached out.

It wasn’t a specific drama. It was basically because my anxiety was so bad, I’d start overly  worrying and thinking things such as he’d leave me, etc. I’d need admittedly, a lot of reassurance, but then he’d end up getting distance and not contacting me. It seemed like I was being dramaful in his eyes, when really I just wanted to resolve our issues and move forward. He found it exhausting once he took on a job, because he felt he’d have to spend too much time reassuring me. In my eyes, if he’d better kept in touch, I wouldn’t get as anxious something had changed.

He promised he wouldn’t leave many, many times. But I kept feeling something wasn’t right and the more distant he got, the more afraid I got.

Thank you,

Casey

@Mark

I’m not that concerned about the money, he reached out about that to me on his own. I have been in long distance relationships before, and as long as I have stable contact and an idea of where it is going, I’m okay with that. I’m just the type of person when even if it’s over, I’d rather end it on a nice note. I feel I at least deserve an apology, and I don’t want to keep going back and forth if he contacts me again. The thing is, he reached out to me to say he was sorry, and wanted to talk the following day and is now avoiding the situation. I just don’t understand why he can’t give me closure if it’s over.

Thanks for the response!

@anita

I think you might be onto something there. He’s a very private person and often told me he felt certain members of his family were negative to be around. It’s sad he feels I added to his difficult situation, but we did have plans that could have alleviated that. I feel my anxiety would have been massively reduced, if he’s simply contacted me a little more or we had a set time for communication or something.

I guess there’s nothing I can do now, but move on.

Thank you!

Casey