Hi there Arient,

I am in the same boat as you are but with a lot of twists and turns in the story. But I am really happy where I am today and I hope to find a guy who will love me with all his heart and treat me right. You story literally reminded me of my past.

My story is way too long but here it goes. I met him for the first time when I was in my sophomore year in college. I was never into guys and dating from the beginning as I was very academic oriented girl and din want to fall into all this at that age. He was in my class and I had hardly spoken to him but I believe he was noticing me all the time and liked me. He finally came and proposed to me out of the blue. Initially I was very hesitant as I too focused on my education, career etc etc but somehow I gave in. Everything was perfect for a year (I must say it was a fairytale story). Everyone in college knew about us and they envied us as a couple. I was on cloud nine and everyday was nothing but happiness and joy with him around me all the time. The problem was I never let this distract me from my academics but he did. He flunked in school and everything changed after that. He started blaming me for that and all of a sudden he started avoiding me and one day he randomly said he wants to break up with me. His reason was – my parents think you are not beautiful, he accused me of being ugly when in reality I am not. I felt so betrayed, humiliated, insulted. I felt like I lost everything in my life. I have no words to describe how I felt. This really got onto me and I started to lose weight like crazy as I would spend most of my days and nights crying and worrying how he could do this to me. I was admitted to the hospital twice because of weakness. But I somehow mustered all my courage, not for my sake but for my parents sake because they were really hurt to see me in that situation. Even though my heart was wounded, I knew that I had let go of my goal of going for a higher education go astray because of all this. So, I decided to focus on my life again. I prepared for my entrance exams and it was time for me to pursue my dream of going to grad school even though I was still shattered and so much in pain. I had to leave my parents and my country. Right before leaving, he text me and apologized and said that he wants me in his life and he would do anything to have me in his life.
Before I met him, I was a very confident, talented and strong girl but once I got into this relationship, I had to let go of all my interests, dancing, friends and more. He wasn’t letting be myself but I was so much in love that I couldn’t see what he was doing to me.
So, I forgive him and decide to give it another try. By that time he had flunked one more time (even though I wasn’t there in his life to distract him as he had accused me earlier). So, he had moved to my hometown to work until school started again (which he hid from me, god knows why). Anyways, I moved to US and preparing myself to start grad school. I was so excited about coming here and I would try to email me as and when I could but he would hardly respond and that would break my heart waiting for his response eagerly. I would try to call him from my cousins phone and he would hardly answer. I missed him a lot and I wanted his support but he was never there for me. He would always say something insensitive and hurt my feelings. He would never be a part of any of my accomplishments. My first day of grad school, it was a different experience in a different country and I wanted to share it with him so eagerly, he never bothered to ask me anything about it. I was awarded a full time scholarship and as usual he never bothered, I received an award as a best researcher and was sent to present my findings at an international conference, again don’t care attitude. I got an internship with a good company, again don’t care attitude. I graduated with a summa cum laude and our graduation ceremony was streamed online and he gave me reasons why he din watch it. I got a full time job and bought a new car, he din help me pick a car or with anything literally. Somebody tried to break in to my apartment and I was scared and crying but he never gave me a call to check if I was safe. I was craving for his love, his support, his appreciation the whole time but he never gave me what I deserved. If I said anything he would always threaten me saying he would break up with me and he is so handsome that he will find many girls. I foolishly kept giving in to all his temper tantrums and let him treat me wrong for eight long years. I was determined to have him in my life but I was just an option in his life. I sacrificed my whole life to live the way he wanted me to live and he would still doubt me and say nasty things to me. By this point, I had lost all my confidence, I was scared to talk to people because of his false accusations, I wouldn’t step out of the house coz if I did not answer his call or text him when he did I would be in big trouble and he would threaten to leave me. I felt so uncomfortable leading a life like this and was so confused and messed up. I lost my apetite, sleep, peace of mind. This relationship consumed me in every possible way. He was never there for me when I wanted him. Everytime I would see other couples happily and madly in love, I would ask myself why is this happening to me? He was literally using me for all that he and his friends wanted. I felt so lost and gave up all hopes on love and relationships. After breaking up a zillion times and coming back to me (For 8 long years he would tell me that the reason for break up was his parents aren’t accepting me), he finally spoke to his parents about me and they agreed. I got a chance to talk to his dad once they agreed and his dad said that “If he had told me earlier about you, then it wouldn’t take so long”. That’s when it made sense to me and I felt like I was hit with a brick – He was lying to me the whole freaking time. That’s why he wouldn’t come to the airport when I went to see him twice, he wouldn’t care for me or my situation or my emotions. That’s why he would find reasons not to call me, not to video chat with me, not to text me. I can go on and on but I hope you get the gist. That’s when I gathered all my courage and I broke up with him and told him that he doesn’t deserve me. He had his share of drama but I had decided not to yield in again and fool myself. I know I deserve much much better and will find my soulmate and true love.
My advice to you: If a guy decides to break up, don’t keep pleading him to take you back or feel sorry for yourself. It means that he doesn’t deserve a wonderful girl like you in his life. You will find a guy who will treat you right and keep you happy. Don’t waste your tears and time for a person who doesn’t deserve it. If I had listened to all my friends and parents when they told me to let go of him, I wouldn’t have to go through so much pain. But I learned my lesson a hard way and now I am living my life to the fullest. Freedom feels fantastic!!! I am back in touch with all my long lost friends, I am dancing again 🙂 I am doing a lot of fun and adventure stuff, life is good. At times, I think about him and ask myself if I should give him another chance. But then I tell myself if I give him another chance then I won’t be myself for the rest of my life. So, the answer is NO. I gave him way too many chances and he did not live upto it.
Stay positive and be happy girl. A lot of people go through what we have been through and if they can find their soulmate and lead a happy life then so can we. Above all, god knows what’s best for you and he will deliver it to you when the time is right. Till then enjoy your life and keep smiling. Lastly, thanks for reading my lonnnnngggg story. God bless you 🙂

A breakup is such a enduring process both physically and mentally. My ex and I were together 4 years before we decided to call it quits and the plain truth is that we gave up on each other and I was devastated during that time.

After the fact, I started dating again and it was a wreck because I was terrible at being single and I was still in love with her. It took a long time for those wounds to heal, it was a scary time in my life. Having to start over was something I thought I wouldn’t have to do but here it was, time to move forward without her by my side.

As time went on I began reflecting on my life and the things I had to move onward on rebuild all those fractures within me. So I entrusted the universe and it brought me to my current girlfriend and she’s amazing in every sense of the word. I even maintain a healthy friendship with my ex (who is also happily dating someone)

The point of my response is that we can’t control every aspect of our
lives but sometimes there’s beauty in chaos. Believe that things will remedy themselves (the law of attraction) and believe that the universe (or whatever you believe in) will make things right for you at the right time. Endure the pain, feel it, every bit. After its all said and done you can say “hey life, is that all you got?”

@Arient
I’m glad to see you have begun your recovery. You mentioned the first four weeks were the worst, but I find as time goes on it actually gets harder for me-I have to accept the finality of the situation. As time goes by I have to allow myself to think that many of her reasons might not have been entirely accurate-she simply said her feelings had changed, which is true, but she also said she had to find out what she wanted and who she was…this after three years together. The trouble I have is I of course checked her FB status and she seems very happy, and no hint of sorrow or remorse. Clearly it was the right move for her, she is happy which she said she never was with me. This is not my first heartbreak or serious relationship by any means, rather most probably my last. I have given her everything I had to offer, and it was not enough. I have no desire to get “better”, I am just numb. I don’t want to be bitter, I want her to be happy, I just wish she could have told me she was so unhappy during the three years prior-not after we were looking at engagement rings

Hi All,

To all those who have posted their stories, let me ask y’all a question. Though I have been comforting other people on this site, I still feel confused about the situation I was in. I have told my story briefly above and my ex was one of those guys who would leave me without giving me any explanation and later come back to me after a few months. This has happened several time over the last 8 years and I have lost count. He would give me reasons like my parents don’t like you, my sister thinks you are not beautiful enough to marry me, I don’t deserve you, I am ruining my parents health because of you and this relationship, I made a mistake by loving a person like you, I flunked in school because of you etc etc etc. But almost 9 months ago on my birthday he apologized to me for being an a*****e and said all nice things to me and told me that he will make things right and talk to his parents about me. I have been forgiving him and accepting him everytime he came back to me without questioning him why he left me. But when he talked to his parents, they easily agreed and his dad told me that if he had said this sooner, we probably would be married earlier. So, that made me realize that he was lying to me the whole time and telling me all sorts of bullshit stories. At that point, I was confused as to whether I want to marry him or not because he was lying to me, had never been nice to me and he would say good things about me once in blue moon. So, I asked him to give me some time and he refused. He instead called his dad, put him on conference call, made a big mess out of it everyday and would send me texts like “if you don’t reply then I will marry some other girl”, “i will marry a girl better than you in all aspects” etc etc. I was PISSED off big time coz I waited for this jerk believing all his stories for eight years, helped him pay his loans off, stood by him at all times and he told me all these things coz I asked him for some time to think if I wanted to do this. I did not respond to any of his texts because I was really upset with the way he created a mess out of everything. I had reached a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. He had abused me emotionally for a long time and I had lost myself completely. I felt like he will never treat me right and never respect me or my parents. I wanted to say a lot of things to him but I just cut it off without saying anything. He constantly apologized after I told him that he doesn’t deserve me but I was afraid to give him another chance as I felt he will break my heart again with his harsh words and demeanor. He is so full of himself and his family. The worst part is he knows that his behavior towards me is not right. He accepts that he is rude, short tempered, doesn’t support me emotionally but still continues to do it and expects me to bear with it forever. I had told him many times that he should let go of his anger and treat me right but he never did. I told my parents about this guy almost four years back and when they were willing to meet him he backed off. I went to my home country twice just because he said he will meet my parents and he did not, instead he told me to go back to US. He has broken my heart beyond repair a million times and I don’t have the strength or the courage to let him break it again. Honestly, I don’t know what the truth is. If his parents had issues with me from the beginning or not, if his sister said all those words or not and if he ever loved me truly or not. But lately, I have been getting nightmares about this guy and even though he is not in my life, my life is still miserable dreaming about him most nights. May be he was serious about me and wanted to mend his mistakes, I don’t know. All that I wanted was sometime. But exactly 2.5 months later he sent me a text saying that he is marrying another girl and again I don’t know if its true or not. Inspite of all this he makes me feel guilty and blames me for breaking up. I just felt that he won’t be there for me, he doesn’t love me, there was a gut feeling within me which said don’t do it. I was feeling so uncomfortable because he was so demanding. I was scared that if this is his behavior now then he will continue to behave this way or even worse once we are married. I had tolerated all this nonsense for so long that I broke down one day and was just rude to him, scolded him left and right and said he doesn’t deserve me and then never looked back since then, never tried to contact him in anyway. What do y’all think? Did I do anything wrong by cutting him off like that?