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Terrified of what she thinks of me

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  • September 23, 2014 at 4:58 am #65410
    Inky
    Participant

    I would chalk it up to a lesson learned. Even porn stars who like the industry deep down want to be treated and seen as a princess. You can’t have love without respect. She felt disrespected and so it really might be over with her, especially if she’s doing the slow fade. Or you hit on an original wound and, in fact, she was covering the wound up with her confident punk veneer.

    Maybe A Grand Gesture would help in starting over. A song. A poem. Flowers. Artwork. Any of those should be made public. She will be embarrassed, you will be embarrassed, and everyone will go “Awwwww”. But now she knows how you REALLY feel, and so does everyone else, so your fondness for her is now public knowledge, not some dirty little texting secret.

    And then let it go, and let her take the lead.

    September 24, 2014 at 11:11 am #65490
    Little Buddha
    Participant

    Ahhh, good old shame and guilt. We meet again. 🙂

    Worse than any pain that she or anyone can inflict on you, is the pain that you inflict upon yourself. Even when forgiven, told to forget about it and move on, we continue to replay the scene in our head and wish it never happened. And down we’ve fallen into the shame spiral only to react and drown ourselves deeper and deeper and deeper into the abyss and lose sight of the sunlight completely.

    If I breakdown the events, you assessed a person and situation, came up with a hypothesis, tried an experiment by appealing to her sexual side, and your hypothesis was wrong. You acknowledged your error and apologized. She accepted your apology.

    It sounds like she’s forgiven you, but can you forgive yourself? Can you be patient? Can you not react? Can you be okay with the discomfort? Can you be okay with the possibility that your relationship may change and go into a completely new and unexpected direction? Can you give her space? You’ve reached out and she hasn’t responded. She may or may not. Can you let that be her choice?

    She can’t alleviate your discomfort, your pain, your suffering. She’s can’t make you feel better or make you feel less distraught. You can’t confront her and demand that she make this pain go-away. You can try, but I anticipate you’ll just get pushed away again and perhaps further away

    Rather than confrontation and focusing on her, focus on you, forgive yourself, strive to be okay with who you are and what happened, learn from your experience, apply self-compassion, open your heart, and find inner peace. Then, maybe, you’ll radiate an energy that is calm, composed, confident, and more approachable thereby attracting her or perhaps another woman. Can you be open to that possibility?

    September 24, 2014 at 1:14 pm #65495
    Cody
    Participant

    How do I let go?
    How do I accept the fact that I destroyed a relationship with an amazing person whom I care about?

    September 24, 2014 at 1:32 pm #65500
    Todzilla
    Participant

    I think you need to forgive yourself and see the humor in it, especially if she’s gotten past it.

    You’ll do better next time.

    September 24, 2014 at 7:49 pm #65512
    Little Buddha
    Participant

    How do you let go? One breath at a time.

    Step 1) Breath in
    Step 2) Let go
    Step 3) Breath out

    Are you still holding on? Repeat steps 1-3.

    And remember, you didn’t destroy anything. The relationship changed. You made an offer and she refused it. Had she accepted the relationship would have also changed. There wasn’t any malice intended, just learning and growth. You’re not wicked, evil, bad, and definitely not deserving whatever lashings your giving yourself. You’re just human and prone to errors.

    Would you feel better if I told you you’ll probably make even worse mistakes with women in the future? It’s bound to happen.

    Chin up. Shoulders back. Walk tall and chalk one up for the history books as future reference.

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