Support system wearing out

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This topic has 6 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 2 months ago by Wayne Gearing.

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March 2, 2015 at 5:33 am #73417

Will
Participant

Well then, there’s one person who’s not going to give up on you. You.

This sucks, man. I wish I had more to say, or some sort of advice, but I honestly don’t think there’s anything you could do other than what you already describe. Meds, if you feel that’s helpful, not letting it control your life, not giving in, working to get stronger, giving out love and light. Let hope and patience overcome you, just when you think you’ve run out.

And that will get you through. And who knows who you may be travelling with when you reach the next leg of your journey. I hope they will be good people. All good things to you.

March 2, 2015 at 7:37 am #73420

Anonymous
Inactive

Sending you hugs and empathy! xo

March 2, 2015 at 8:30 am #73421

Inky
Participant

Hi Kay,

Sadly, your husband ambushing you can be very typical of guys about to walk out the door. Your female friend, not so much without some clue.

I liken them to prey animals. Prey animals (rabbits, mice, deer) always seem healthy. Always seem vibrant. Always seem on. Until they’re literally dead. They have to give the APPEARANCE of everything being OK just to survive. They don’t want to be picked out as being weak from predators. Some people are like that. In the distant past, if they complained, life would get very difficult. So they put on a happy face and don’t talk about it. Until the end.

Now, just because it’s out of the blue for you, doesn’t mean it was for them. They’ve probably been thinking about this for months and years.

I hate to say it, but take a page out of their book. Don’t SAY anything negative now. If you have to, get a journal and write the hell out of it. Don’t be an external processor around them. They can’t handle it anymore.

And for the female friend, and I say this from experience, don’t talk about what went wrong in the friendship. That is a sure fire way to kill it. If/when you see her now, everything’s “Great!” Maybe one day you can have deep talks and kvetch about the world. But it sounds like she is saturated.

I’m sorry. Think of this as a crash course on how to be positive.

Inky

March 2, 2015 at 6:11 pm #73449
Rhonda M.
Participant
Hi friend! I read your post and actually registered with this site just to tell you, “I feel your pain!” I have been sick with a chronic illness for a long time now. I had to give up my nursing career and am fairly isolated now. Went through a nasty divorce from an abusive man nearly twenty ago and raised two lovely children through periods of major depression on and off. Everyone has pulled away. Maybe they didn’t think I’d really notice, but I do! My husband is not leaving, but neither is he terrible interested in being a part of what goes on in my life. My dearest friend, my lifelong bestie, also has pulled away. I make overtures, but it’s very hard to actively engage in any friendship now, and I understand I failed on my end because of circumstance. I miss her and love her dearly. It hurts. I need her. The very wonderful thing is we can go many months without talking, and if I don’t try to explain myself or inquire what has gone wrong with us (I tried that), it’s all good. Good enough, anyway. I know I am not especially positive these days because of my illness and depression. I need to talk about everything to process it, just like you. Because there was no other choice, I turned to online support groups and forums, and thankfully, I have a wonderful, long-suffering dad who wants to hear about everything. I think the other are right. I needed to hear what they had to say, too. I just want you to know I really understand. Hugs and mutual support coming your way.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Rhonda M..
- This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Rhonda M.. Reason: left out word
March 3, 2015 at 3:26 am #73459

Will
Participant

Inky’s take is intriguing, and I think I’ll second it. It’s worth a try.

The phrase “furiously happy” comes to mind, I think that was a thing on the internet a while back. You may still find some ideas about this as a philosophy.

March 3, 2015 at 5:20 am #73463

Wayne Gearing
Participant

Hi Kay,

Im sorry to read about everything you have been through but I do sorta of know how you feel, everything just seems to come at once and it seems like the world comes crashing down around you, but there is a way out!

Do you still volunteer? I found that to be of a massive benefit personally, I could work with like minded people all day and have a good laugh

Secondly, why not write all your frustrations and agonies down, then delete the file? Strange approach I know but I found that, once I “vented” to myself, I could just delete the evidence and no-one would be none the wiser 🙂
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