Hi Allicia

First off, I wold like to say that ending your life is not an option, for the following reasons:

– You’re too beautiful a human being for that
– from all the spiritual articles I read I understand that ending your life will not end the challenge. You will have to repeat it again.

So, like all of us, you are facing a challenge. I have gone through major life challenges myself (divorce, lost Love, autistic child), and this is what I have learned:

– These challenges are never ever there to punish us, They are always there to teach us something.
– You would not be faced with this challenge if you did not have what it takes to master it and learn from it

I went through a lot of misery after my divorce, and it’s okay to feel down. But that is what made me strong, because I had to question who I am, what I REALLY want to do in life. Ultimately we need to decide what we want from life. No one can live it for us.
It sounds like you know what your passion is (art). Is there a way you could do architecture and art at the same time? Maybe you could take some art classes for maybe 2 nights a week, and see if that is what you really want to do. I believe your Soul is sending you a very clear message that you are not doing what you really want to do. Our passions tell us in what direction we need to go, so you do have the direction (art), which is great.
Your parents are of course concerned, as any good parents would be. They want you to be secure in life, because that’s what all parents want for their children. But it’s your life, not theirs. If you hate architecture so much now, that’s not going to change once you have your diploma. You will still hate it afterwards, and still be faced with the same challenge.
This is a decision that you need to make. I do not know if you believe in God or not, but I can tell you that I prayed a lot for guidance when I was down, and I did get the answers I needed when I needed them. You are not alone, ever. There is ALWAYS someone watching out for us. If you open your Heart and ask for guidance, I do believe it will be given to you.

It sounds like you have a real passion for art. Many people don’t even know what their passion is. You do, which is awesome, and it would be such a shame to waste that talent. Shine your Light, the world needs it.

God bless
Gunter

Hi Allicia!

I found this page today because I was looking for the same answer as you. Im 26 years old and Ive been feeling depressed ever since i started studying set design a year ago. I can really relate to you and felt it was almost my own words when i read your post. All the time I’ve been waiting for a course that i will like but it never comes. I started because i thought i could make colorful, creative and lasting spaces for people in the city and public spaces but now I’m thinking that that is more art and made from self dedication. A set designer work for several months with an environment just to film one scene for 5 minutes and then everything is going in the trash. I just want that paper to prove i can do something because thats what society wants. I just can’t decide if i should stop the education because i would feel like a failure to my family and its only until summer left. My family also think that the most important thing is for me to have an education. Im behind with a lot of reports that i can’t do because i have new one’s to deal with and i just don’t want to do them and feel like you said, forcing myself to be free. I feel really stressed and feel like i have to decide now or never.

In my depressed thoughts about going to school this morning i was googling “you are not your feelings” and found this article on this page that i thought helped me a lot http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/living-right-now-you-are-not-your-thoughts-and-feelings/ and http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/the-power-of-acceptance-stop-resisting-and-find-the-lesson/ It told me to live right now and act in response of what I am aware of what I value, problem comes when the behavior takes us away from the things we value and also starts creating more problems then it solves, notice whats happening (the feeling we get) and choose a respond, question; why am I experiencing something in this situation? List all possible explanations. “So instead of staring at the closed door in front of us, or getting tired and bruised while we try to break it down, let’s turn around and see how many other windows we have open”.

This helped me today and I am actually thinking of resign om Monday and do something I can be happy with living in now instead. I think maybe its just that I like beautiful things for me and the people around. Like art, music and nature. It would be nice to do some volunteer work and maybe some art project there if i could only make som money of it, thats the problem.
Its fantastic that you want to make great things for people and i hope you can practice your passion in art. I just wish I would not be so afraid of starting something on my own because I know that doing something for all the people will be appreciated and could work. Im practicing and maybe in the future when i figured it out! Its like old people say “I do not regret anything I’ve done, I regret everything I haven’t done”.

I hope this could help because it helped me.
Love Matilda

Dear allicia,

Your dilemma really resonates with me because I am a former Architecture student and have since changed course to go into another artistic domain. Like you, I have been pressured by my family to “just finish it” even though I knew this wasn’t what I wanted to do.

I know how stressful studying Architecture is, I think a lot of people don’t realize just how much effort and time it requires to present work from week to week, how you always end up working at nights and barely have time to eat properly or sleep. I’m sure this stress is contributing a lot to your feeling of urgency and anxiety.

I think the positive point in your story is that you do know what you want to do. I think you shouldn’t worry too much about being older than everyone else when you start to study what you want, I was around 5 years older than most people in my art school and I can tell you it didn’t make much difference, no one looked at me funny and I found friends and it all went well. Also, there will be other people who start older like you, maybe even older than you. Not everyone’s life is a straight line just like yours isn’t.

I also found that my Architecture studies did give me some advantages so it wasn’t all in vain, I already had some software experience, I already knew how to present work, I already knew how to work a lot and invest in projects.

I think right now it’s hard for you to see that it is not all black & white and that your situation is difficult but not desperate. But I believe it seems so bad to you because you think the lost time is lost forever and you’ll be “late” somewhere, late to your appointment with your real life, so to speak. I’m trying to suggest that this is not necessarily the case.

I can keep writing to you if you want to, in the meantime I hope you can relax a bit, take a deep breath and tell yourself that this is your life’s path and it’s ok just as it is. Hard to believe I know but it’s true.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Midnight.

Dear allicia,

It’s hard for me to give you advice on what to do right now – staying or dropping out.

I believe this is not the real issue. The real issue here is you standing up to your dad and starting to lead your own life instead of living a shadow of it.
My personal opinion is that finishing will not help you much in future, as you don’t want to be an Architect. It never helped me in any way to have the actual paper, only some of my experience helped me as I explained. I also don’t believe you could force yourself into it or “learn to like it” when you so clearly struggle and can’t find yourself there. It is hard even for people who love it and are good at it, so it must be so much harder for you.

What is your current situation regarding your status and family? What I mean is, do you live with your parents and depend on them for everything? What do you think will happen if you tell them you have decided to drop out?

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Midnight.

Dear allicia:

I very much agree with Midnight. Dropping the program seems reasonable to me. Also, make a life for yourself separate from your father. Unfortunately he takes residence in your head in the forms of self doubts.

Save yourself. The script for your life- you choose it. Dare to diverge from your father’s script and from social convention such as what age is acceptable to start a program.

anita