Hi Zerox,

Not for nothing, but see a doctor for a checkup if you haven’t yet this year. See if there’s a vitamin deficiency. (lack of Vit. D is a common culprit for helplessness/depression).

What do you do in your spare time? Even if it’s eating or watching TV, even those will give you clues to what you actually like doing.

Change up your diet (we live in a toxic world) and go outdoors bare foot. Reconnect with Nature, it will moderate your feelings and heal you.

Blessings,

Inky

Hello,

In a world that teaches us to become successful, over-achievers, that grades us from the first moment we set our foot into school, that puts ‘happiness’ and success as the ultimate goal of existence, no wonder that a lot of people are not happy and satisfied with themselves. I am not sure what brought you to this state… probably something in your past that contributed to your low self esteem, possible social anxiety, and I think that the blend of it set these bad events on.. Or maybe as Inky said, a chemical dis balance in your body.. When we are over-exposure on light of ‘gadgets’, with poor nutrition, little social interactions, no physical activities… serotonin and endorphin in our body are cut. It contributes in feeling ‘lethargic’, sad, and not motivated. I see it a lot nowadays, especially with people who are ‘gamers’, ‘news junkies’ etc . Maybe this whole thing is a combination of these two factors, and few other more, and the real ‘cure’ is to attack it from different planes -psychological, physical and mental. I understand you are not motivated, but try something anyway, a new person to talk to, life-coach, counselor… Simple daily walk in the nature, at least 30 minutes. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to make the first step, sometimes life forces us to.

You got some wonderful thoughts in the previous posts, so I’d just like to add few minor things… About choosing to suffer. When someone says this, at first it looks, scary as a form of self sacrifice. But I just remembered.. I read interesting theory once, that sometimes it’s easier for our brain to brand us as ‘victims’ who suffer. Being victim means that you have a reasonable ‘alibi’ for many things- not to take responsibility for your life and misfortune. Sometimes (I repeat-sometimes), we grow fond of our prison of suffering, cause we are not certain how to find our way out and it’s scaring us. It’s not that we don’t wanna be happy and this is our natural state, but (sometimes), it’s just easier to give up and let go. Forgive me thousand times if I sound like that therapist (who is useless in my opinion), i don’t want you put additional pressure and blame on yourself, cause now you just need to heal from this state, one day at a time. But I am just giving a theory and idea, something to consider. Because very often our brain can play these kind of tricks on us, and we need to understand them in order to fight back.

It’s wonderful also that some of your friends gave you suggestions about what to do, but as you’ve noticed different things work for different people and don’t get frustrated if none of that interests you. You can’t force an interest or a hobby, so don’t worry. But I’d still insist at least to get out in nature and turn off the laptop for some time if it’s an issue. It always helps at least a little. You can get all the counseling in the world, but if the chemistry in your body is not right for some reason, you’d still feel bad not knowing why.

On the other hand, you reached out here and it’s a more than a good sign that you don’t wanna suffer, that part of you wants a way out. And having the will to get better is the first and most important step… Once you make it, you will find your way out sooner or later.

And if your job is the big source of your dissatisfaction, maybe when you feel ready, just start thinking what other option you have.. You don’t have to figure it out in one day… Just start writing down any crazy thought that crosses your mind. You never know, some of them might start making sense 🙂

And I’d also like to recommend a documentary that I personally found really refreshing when I felt ‘stuck’ in life and unhappy with myself.. It’s called ‘I am (2010)’. If nothing else it will be 90 minutes of fun ..

Dear Zerox:

You wrote in your last post here: “(I) act in ways which does not serve me… Is there some payoff for..acting in ways that does not serve me…’I can’t help it.’, which sounds like I have no self-control. I can’t manage myself. I let things run amok.”

People do this all the time, acting in self destructive ways, compelled to do so. People on the outside ask: why do that? scratching their heads. And you are asking yourself the same question, as if you were a stranger to yourself. You do those things that you don’t want to do because you are in the habit of doing them, same reason why people do drugs that destroy them, gamble, have promiscuous relationships and getting STDs, drink and drive, commit crimes and end up in jail, fight and break relationships and so much more. People destroying themselves and others, unfortunately, is business as usual.

You do what you don’t want to do because on the very short term it feels good, or in the very short term it relieves distress. When you are in the habit of doing something, no longer doing it causes distress, so doing it relieves that distress, and that is the dynamic again and again. We are motivated like amoeba by avoiding pain and reaching out to pleasure.

So this is my answer to your question of why you do what you don’t want to do: because you run away from pain, distress, discomfort and you reach out to calm and pleasure.

To stop behaving in self destructive ways, you have to identify these habits, understand your motivation, and then be able to again, identify the discomfort, the distress and instead of automatically reacting to the distress like the amoeba in all of us, you attentively endure the distress while choosing a different behavior.

Psychotherapy with a competent therapist can help with this very thing. Also the various 12 step programs based on Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) are aimed at helping people stop destructive behaviors.

anita

Hey Zeroxmxi,

Do you believe your thoughts? Are they real? Catch one, and put it on the computer table next to you. Prove to yourself that your thoughts are real and tangible. See it and pick it up. Bounce it off the wall and catch it again.. Your truth as you describe, are just thoughts….

The only thing you have here is choice. If you choose to see your real truth, and it takes a determined discipline to choose this consistently, you will see you are invested in your thoughts. It suits you at present. Accept this, its ok….

If however your heart and very essence are determined to change this, and see through the falseness of your existence right now, then you will choose differently.

Your mind can not comprehend the next step, so don’t invest in the mind.

Your heart can speak your truth – via feelings. Yes you may need to peer into your darkness, and feel it, sit with it, allow it to be……….. and then allow it to go on its way.

Emotion is energy in motion – it needs to move, it needs to be free, it needs to reconnect to the flow of life. your mind is stopping this process.

Stick with this statement. I am!

No more, no added anything. You just are!

Allow the feelings to move, and become open again to the flow of life.

Start here – start now.

Best

Evan

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Evan.