Home→Forums→Share Your Truth→Suddenly questioning my sexuality..?
- This topic has 240 replies, 42 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 2 months ago by Anonymous.
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August 6, 2021 at 11:22 am #384225BiancaParticipant
Also, I pointed out that we’d been best friends for four years because that is the longest friendship I’ve ever had.
August 6, 2021 at 2:03 pm #384228AnonymousGuestDear Bianca:
“I’ve always had my mind to help me… I’d think of my future with my dream guy and how I wouldn’t always feel lonely… My dream guy or dream life was my way of thinking of a future where I was better, and people would be nicer to me… Now, I feel like I can’t think of that perfect life anymore because these thoughts keep getting g in the way“-
– I think I understand, the sexual orientation thought robbed you of your imagining your dream life with your dream guy, your way of feeling better about having been rejected by friends, and feeling so lonely.
I can’t think of anything to say at this point, other than to ask you: if you think back, way, way back… when did you feel terribly alone, for the first time?
Just because I asked you, I will answer my own question in regard to myself: I remember one night, I was 5 or 6, I was scared, no one was home, I ran to the street looking for my mother. I found her! Excited, I ran to her, I ran fast, and when I was close to her, almost reaching her, I lifted my arms up, so that she will pick me up or bend down and hold me, and take me in her arms… but she didn’t. She was angry at me instead. That was the beginning of my Loneliness.
anita
August 7, 2021 at 11:01 pm #384271BiancaParticipantDear Anita,
I don’t remember the first time. It has happened so many times. I do remember one time in the fifth grade, my whole class had a text group chat. I wasn’t on it because I had not had a phone. One of my closer friends at the time asked if they could add me, and people in my class said that they didn’t want to add me because I’d talk too much on TEXT! They also said they should create a group chat with me on it that they never used. I felt so upset. I cried multiple times because of that.
August 8, 2021 at 9:33 am #384283AnonymousGuestDear Bianca:
“I don’t know why but I feel more comfortable talking about it with people I’m not close to… One time, I said you should think of happier things so you won’t be sad. Of course that was the wrong thing to say… People say I talk to much too… I was always the one shushed or told I’m being too loud… I do remember one time in the fifth grade, my whole class had a text group chat… and people in my class said that they didn’t want to add me because I’d talk too much on TEXT!“-
– reads to me that before you ever got to talk too much and too loudly, you were very, very quiet, even though you had a lot to say. Maybe that’s how you were at home: very quiet. When you went to school, it felt like your opportunity to be heard, so all was brewing in your mind at home, when quiet, erupted to the surface like lava out of a volcano: too much and too loud.
What do you think about my idea?
anita
August 8, 2021 at 12:34 pm #384295BiancaParticipantDear Anita,
I do think your idea is smart, but not what happens in this situation. I’ve always talked a lot and I’ve always had a loud voice. But I’ve also always been shunned for it which make friendships hard.
August 8, 2021 at 8:43 pm #384355AnonymousGuestDear Bianca:
I will read and reply to you in about 12 hours.
anita
August 9, 2021 at 6:59 am #384373AnonymousGuestDear Bianca:
I wish I was able to hear you through the computer screen, how you sound when you talk a lot, with a loud voice. You wrote: “I’ve always talked a lot and I’ve always had a loud voice“- is it that (1) every single time that you talk, you also talk fast and loud, or (2) at times, when you feel particularly anxious/ uncomfortable, you talk fast and loud?
anita
August 9, 2021 at 4:30 pm #384418BiancaParticipantDear Anita,
I still always talk loud.
August 9, 2021 at 5:44 pm #384421AnonymousGuestDear Bianca:
I want to be back to your thread and reply further in about 13 hours. (Feel free to add anything if you have anything to add that may be relevant and help me understand better).
anita
August 9, 2021 at 7:02 pm #384423BiancaParticipantDear Anita,
I’ve always been loud and talkative, not because of anxiety, but because I can’t control it.
August 10, 2021 at 5:45 am #384433AnonymousGuestDear Bianca:
You wrote: “Even though everyone else could be talking, I was always the one shushed or told I’m being too loud… I’ve always had a loud voice. But I’ve also always been shunned for it which make friendships hard… I still always talk loud… I’ve always been loud and talkative, not because of anxiety, but because I can’t control it“-
– There is such a thing as Voice Disorders, one of which, according to the professional looking website laryngopedia. com (larynx aka the voice box is located at the top of the neck) is a Disorder of Vocal Loudness Perception which is a “lack of awareness or perception of one’s personal vocal “volume level’ to the point that it is creating difficulty in one’s life’. If asked to place oneself on a personal loudness scale from 1 to 7, most individuals can do so with reasonable accurateness. Occasionally, however, an individual (with normal hearing ability) lacks this kind of self-insight, and such an individual could be said to have a disorder of vocal loudness perception”.
In this website and other website different possible causes and treatments are listed. You may want to see a medical doctor specialist in Voice Disorders.
You wrote: “People say I talk to much… I’ve always talked a lot.. I’ve always been loud and talkative, not because of anxiety, but because I can’t control it“-
– instah. com/ children – health/ excessive-talking-disorder reads: “Excessive talking is never accepted socially. Our social norms dictate that we should be polite and attentive to others, spoke only when spoken to and are brief and concise when we are putting forth a point. However, while these are the societal norms, some people are not able to follow these inadvertently.
“There is a common behavioral disorder named Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). This a common disorder… almost 8-10% of children in their school going age are affected by this disorder… They talk excessively and often meaninglessly outside of social norms. If someone is asking them a question, they are likely to start blurting out answer even before listening to the question completely”.
Was it ever suggested to you that you may suffer from ADHD, and did you see a doctor for that?
anita
- This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by .
August 10, 2021 at 4:32 pm #384482BiancaParticipantDear Anita,
some of my classmates have thought that but a doctor never has.
August 10, 2021 at 5:04 pm #384483AnonymousGuestDear Bianca:
Maye you should see a laryngologist (a surgeon with a special interest in voice, airway, and swallowing disorders involving the voice box and the throat) by asking your regular doctor to arrange for an appointment for you, an appointment with a laryngologist.
You can also ask your regular doctor to see a specialist regarding possibly suffering from ADHD (?)
anita
August 15, 2021 at 10:01 pm #384842BiancaParticipantDear Anita,
Sorry about my very late response. My mom told me when I was a kid I was tested for other things, but not adhd. I really need someone to talk to. I got a therapist, but I don’t know how to explain exactly what I’m feeling. She thought my dream could be related to the fact I was an atheist, but that is a complicated story. I’m having such a hard time right now inside my mind. I can’t figure out what my sexuality is.My mind keeps pondering over what my thoughts mean and I’m so confused. These feelings don’t make me happy or excited, but they make me so stressed. And honestly so sad. Every time I’m with someone I love and care about my mind says your gay and you should tell them. When I don’t, I feel hot and guilty, but I don’t want to say anything when I don’t know what sexuality I am. People say listen to your heart, but I’m so stressed I can’t ever tell what it is saying anymore. Like I said, I’m so sad and disappointed at the idea of losing the possibility of a boyfriend or husband, but these thoughts won’t go away and I can’t tell if they’re true or not. The idea of a future with a girl make me sad, frustrated, and disappointed, but I can’t tell if I’m gay or not. I keep thinking about any time I might have seemed gay, and every time I find something it does not feel right. I liked having crushes on guys and dreaming about my future with them. Now this confusion makes me think I’ll be alone forever.
August 16, 2021 at 9:49 am #384862AnonymousGuestDear Bianca:
If you were obsessed about whether you have a brain tumor, you could go to a doctor, get tests and exams done, and if they come up negative, you get your answer. But there is no medical test or exam to determine sexual orientation: you can see all the medical doctors in the world: no responsible medical doctor will give you an answer.
So, you can see, don’t you, that no person online can responsibly tell you that you are gay or straight. I can’t. Even if I told you: Bianca, you are straight for sure! Maybe you will feel better for a moment, but shortly after, you will question my answer and be back to obsessing.
“Every time I’m with someone I love and care about my mind says your gay and you should tell them”- who are those people (those someone-s) you referred to here, these people who you are with, those you love?
anita
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