Something is blocking me. Something is not letting me feel it. Suppose I miss her one second then other I feel that thing again worrying that I don’t feel for her.

I said her that okay I am in but I need you to increase my trust, we will spend time like going to and fro from college and stuff, and just that there’ll be no guy prior than me.

She said all of this conditions are commitment only and I don’t want to commit. “Trust if you want to do then do or don’t, I’m tired.”

She Just discontinued the convo saying “I don’t want to discuss My mental health is suffering”

Hey Anita

Soo I told you before right that before that unloving stage I had 2 thoughts that were just lingering in my head 1) if everything was a lie. 2) If she is talking to someone else or maybe his ex-bf.

I got sooo depressed at that time I just told her that I am suffering through all of this. Can you answer my questions or doubts that I had when I thought the whole family thing was a lie coz I didn’t have any real proof that thing happened. But I had some things that just didn’t made sense.

So I asked and she denied but I told that this happened that you were using insta coz you viewed someone’s story just after her parents caught her for the 6th time.

She denied and just got soooo angryyy on mee that how can I ask questions and all to her. I said I am doing this coz it will be better for us coz I just can’t sleep bcoz of this. I said sorry okay I won’t ask But she got sooooo mad. I kept on explaining and like at the end of the day it got better. My questions weren’t answered but I tried to forget it.

And about the next thing what happened was she said she was sleeping but the next morning I saw that a post is liked from her account when she said she was sleeping.

I just asked her ki did you wake up during night or something like if you did then okay. But she said I didn’t I told that there was a post that was liked during the time you were sleeping.
she said Idk maybe someone else was using her phone during night.
it just didn’t made sense but I tried not to discuss and just left but I couldn’t stop thinking. Later that day I sais ki how did this happen like I don’t understand She said that yes I asked them they were sleeping in my room and they unlocked my phone. I said ummm okayy. But she got angryyy that how can I ask all of this I just said that my mind was revolving around it I just asked and then done but she got angry alot alot angry. I told her that I am going through this stuff please help me out here. But she just was talking soooo rude to me I couldn’t take it I just went in my bathroom and started crying I didn’t tell her but I vomitted like it was bad she was not angry by then.

I just told her I didn’t say anything to you I am nit blaming you I just asked and done and for that you are torturing me don’t do that please.

she said she’s sorry and after that it was done.

Days passed and I was going through that unloving phase. I didn’t tell her this I just told her after some days that I have OCD probably and she said that yes maybe I just told please help me with it my brain really needs help and just if something comes in my mind I am not blaming you I just want to cleat it soo answer me instead of torturing me. She said yes okayy.

Then next day a boy that was interested in her texted her he was knowing that she has broke up with her ex bf. Soo he reminded her that remember I proposed you and stuff. She said to her I am not ready now for and won’t soon stay happy stay single.

She told me that he knew from somewhere else that she has broken up. I said okay like okay okay nothing wrong.

Then after an hour I got a call from somewhere that she told that guy about her breakup like he wanted to confirm the reason. I was like she told?? I was knowing that he has known from some other source coz she told me this. But it turned out she was the one telling. I got screenshots of her telling which I was not knowing about. She told that guy just last night like 12 hours ago. I asked her again in some way that how did he know, She was like leave na. I just sent her the ss of her telling like for me she is clearly lying due to some reason.

She replied I didn’t remember telling him I am telling many people and she got angryyy and just started questioning me that how did I got that ss I said I didn’t ask anyone Somebody sent me but she just started again torturing me. I said okay you didn’t remember I mean that just didn’t made sense but I just said okayy and tried to calm her down. She wasn’t calming down she just started torturing me and talking rude to me.
I kept on explaining that I agree and I wasn’t spying on you I didn’t ask for it someone send me coz he wanted to confirm. Things got bad but it got okay.

Things weren’t making sense and there were many things that didn’t. But I just tried to forget it and have a good time. But the thing that she is lying I thought that alot alot about many stuff It was getting hard for me. But I didn’t say her anything cause it was making it worse.

She was sleeping alot more she was going on calls a lot more. Her cell was coming busy but she just denied that I wasn’t on a call it maybe a but It wasn’t a bug I was sure coz I called 2 times and both times it was busy. I agreed but it didn’t made sense I was just thinking alot.

My anxiety was getting worse. I got angry on her that she slept again after sleeping 10 hours even after I told her that I am sad I want to talk I am suffering I want to talk. But she slept reading the chats in 2 minutes. I got angry on that I agree I was wrong I apologised to her many time but she was sooo sooo rude and just made things worse for me but okay while sleeping it got a little better and after all of that I said that I am concerned about you backing off cause you are committing by just words like you can backoff easily and you have backed out once before If you back you I won’t be able to do anything She again promised that dw I am with you I don’t break promises and all I was like okay but try if you can give some real surety like I am changing my future plans for eg that is a surety like even a small thing was okay

Th next day again she was sleeping till late and my mind was wondering and I just checked something that was going around my mind. That the time she was telling about his ex bf to the other guy. I checked that what the time relates to in my side like what did she told me when she talked. I checked and I got that the period she wastalking to the other guy was when she told me she is sleeping for more 10-20 minutes I said okay like text when uou wake up.

My anxiety rose sooo much like she was talking to someone saying that I am sleeping like I just couldn’t trust anymore. But I peacefully asked for the chat and timings like I wanted to confirm but she asked why and when I told she just backed out. Blaming me that I am going into depression because of you and all of that. No commitments.

Current update: She told everything to her parents and her parents are angry at me, so does she say. I do not believe her if this were the case they wouldn’t let her talk to me and she is still conversing with me and blaming mee for everything that I am forcing her to commit and stuff. I said I will obviously opposed coz this was soooo sooo much wrong to me like backing out like thiss I will oppose obviously but after that I even tried to find some solutions. But she is blaming me.

And for the past 3-4 days I have been doubting that maybe she started talking with her ex-bf and now I am 99% sure that she has. I am really wishing that I tell her ex-bf everything. i dont know what to doo now I don’t trust her. Did she really do wrong to me the whole time and used me as a rebound and talking to her ex again? That’s just sooo bad to me. Please helppppp

Yes anita.

Maybe I am in the wrong for forcing her and thinking alot. But this thinking and not trusting isn’t due to OCD. Thinking about it more definitely is.

But the part of not trusting comes from the amount of times she has broken my heart, amount of times she has broken my trust, amout of times she has hurt me and mostly the reason was getting back with her ex-bf.

Over the 2 years she has done this many many times. And specific in this year the most amount of times. Break up then talking to me then him coming back she accepting and then hurting me. She stops talking or I stop talking to me then. Then after a week or so she texts or maybe I text. And she giving explanations reasons that why she did this and me being blindly in love, I accepted everytime.

But all of the hurt and broken promises is the reason Its hard for me to trust her.

I stopped talking then and there when I came to know she is talking with her ex bf again and at the same time she is saying that she told her parents and they are angry at you. That was a lie.

And about that timing that I asked her, I got the timings from somewhere and I was right there, she did told me she was sleeping and talking to other guy about her ex-bf. This makes me wonder so many things that could be lie and she just lied many times to cover them up. I am trying not to think about it.

I think that when she said she isn’t ready to commit and I forced her like not forced just saying her that how can you do this and all that maybe was wrong but I was doing it for us forgetting everything that she is doing to me.

Am I still in the wrong for not trusting her?