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Stuck with Dating

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • March 26, 2018 at 8:57 am #199547
    Ann
    Participant

    Hello, I am writing because I need advice on dating and relationships.

    When I begin dating someone new, it starts out exciting. We talk often, meet up once or twice, I get very solid positive feedback mostly and men have been very complimentary. We go on a date or two, things might get a little physical with some, but overall it’s just still in the “getting to know” phase.

    The problem is, I CANNOT get past this step. It goes from fun to fizzling out. I’ll try and hold onto it, but I feel like I annoy them after awhile. I drive myself crazy waiting for calls and texts that never come.

    I feel like love is being constantly dangled in front of me, then disappears without reason every single time. I get very down on myself thinking I must be boring or forgettable because men keep on coming in and opting to leave.

    I’m not perfect, even though a lot of the guys tell me I am in the beginning and can’t understand how I am single at 27. As much as I know that I bring a lot of good things to the table, my confidence gets ripped to shreds every time I get abandoned.

    Anyone else experience this? I’ve heard everything from “you have to love yourself first” to “ask them why they’re ghosting.” I’ve worked hard at both and still come up short.

    March 26, 2018 at 1:12 pm #199585
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ann:

    Did you follow the suggestion someone gave you,  “ask them why they’re ghosting?”

    Any ideas of why this happened repeatedly, the  guy no longer interested after a couple of dates?

    * Will be  back in about fifteen hours, hope to read from you then.

    anita

    March 27, 2018 at 3:03 pm #199753
    Ann
    Participant

    Thanks for the questions Anita.

    In the most recent experiences, I’ve gotten more courage to be more transparent with my feelings and asked difficult questions I wouldn’t have before.

    The answers have been things like “I am trying to move cities soon so I don’t want to get attached.”

    I guess my biggest frustration is why men speak in the beginning, promising all sorts of things only to completly change their tone weeks later.

    I wish I weren’t so dependent on men’s approval for validation. And since I can’t get past that point I can’t help it not effect my self esteem.

    March 27, 2018 at 3:33 pm #199757
    Mark
    Participant

    Ann,

    You said it, “I wish I weren’t so dependent on men’s approval for validation.”  What are you doing to address this?

    How are you loving yourself?  Are you getting out to have fun with yourself, with your friends, with a group and not having an agenda of trying to find a boyfriend?

    Advice on dating?  Stop dating and keep focusing on the answers to my questions.

    Mark

    March 28, 2018 at 4:43 am #199775
    Tara
    Participant

    I totally get what you mean. I genuinely believe its the way things have just gone in society nowadays. Everyone is so ‘available’ that no one wants to commit / settle. My Nan says the me- why would a guy commit when he gets what he wants without committing?

    Its a Cliche but just enjoy your life. Im 30 and single and If I met someone and had kids Id be happy with my life, if I didn’t meet anyone Id still be happy with my life. Its my life and Im going to be happy with it either way, and lets face it, its 80% out of our control. And if you are searching for someone which is totally fine, there’s this little thing that happens in between each goal we have and thats called life 🙂 live it, enjoy it and what will be will be.

    March 28, 2018 at 7:07 am #199795
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ann:

    Regarding one answer you received: “I am trying to move cities soon so I don’t want to get attached”- if you live in a city that many young people want to leave, that would make sense that you would often get this as a reason to not continue a relationship.

    As to “why men speak in the beginning, promising all sorts of things only to completely change their tone weeks later”- there are a few possibilities to why this happens in your experience, repeatedly. In some cultures more than in others, men pursue women for sexual experience. After being satisfied, they move on to someone new. To reduce the chances of this happening in your life, it is a good idea for a woman to not be engaged physically with a man for long enough time to get to know him, what he values, his lifestyle and his past experience.

    Another possibility: there is something about your behavior that discourages men’s initial interest in you. That could be anything from… poor hygiene to non-stop talking, too many things to mention.

    What do you think?

    anita

     

     

    March 28, 2018 at 9:48 am #199821
    Ann
    Participant

    Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

    The general feedback I get when I open up to friends about this is to stop focusing on dating so much. I have a healthy and active social life, supportive family and many authentic friends. I have to work on filling my time better to switch my focus.

    Also wanted to mention that I’ve experience s this frustration whether or not the nature of the new relationship is physical or not.

    Anyway thank you guys for responding, I’ll always check this for any other advice you have.

    March 28, 2018 at 10:34 am #199841
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Ann.

    anita

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