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STUCK IN REGRET

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  • #59922
    Inky
    Participant

    I don’t know the culture, but in Autobiography of a Yogi, Yogananda leaves for a few days to the mountains after his guru told him it was a bad idea. He has a bad time and comes back, chagrined, afraid Guru would be angry. Guru said, “I have no expectations for any of my students, and only want their happiness. How can I be angry?” For your guru to be angry is a pretty unenlightened response, in my opinion.

    It’s hard to transition, or do anything beyond the everyday when your parents are sick. Give yourself a break. You don’t have to leave this red hot minute unless you’re thoroughly miserable.

    My old neighbors were a nun and a Brother who found each other and left the church. But your challenge is leaving and not knowing what you’re running towards.

    Give yourself a date. Like, I will leave Jan. 1st/ 2015. The Universe will conspire with you to show you your next step once you put your Intention out there.

    Good Luck!

    #59928
    John
    Participant

    Hi Rewa,

    It sounds like there is a lot of pressure keeping you from leaving. Society, your parents, your guru, your promise.

    Let’s start unpacking these. Promises can be broken, it’s ok. People will be upset, perhaps for a while, but they will get over it. At the end of the day, people who care about you just want to see you happy. Maybe they’re just afraid you’ll run off to some destructive lifestyle. Focus on what you’d rather be doing. Have you given it thought? Where do you want to work or what do you want to learn? They might feel more at ease with your choice if they know what you really want to do. This goes for you too. Continue to be completely honest with yourself and what you want. Don’t back down, and just settle to be a nun, so that you avoid upsetting others, and to avoid breaking a promise. And don’t be so hard on yourself for making a promise like that. People make lifelong promises all the time (marriage, for example). But people change over time, right? We develop different ideas, desires, outlooks on things slowly over time. We’re bound to go retract some things we’ve said in the past, break some long term promises.

    Stay strong, focus on what you really want to do with your life, and communicate open and honestly with your parents, your guru, and yourself. This is YOUR life where YOU get to choose what’s best for YOU.

    : )

    #59933
    Matt
    Participant

    Rewa,

    You don’t produce karma in others,the guru didn’t get mad because of you, those were seeded by his/her own mental formations, attachments. If your river is asking you to disrobe, disrobe. Other people will do what they do, think what they think, but it doesn’t sound like you’re happy as a nun. That matters,perhaps most. Consider that Buddha felt a similar restlessness, left the life he was living, and went in search of the dharma. Its OK to do the same, its your life.

    On the other hand,if you can breathe through your painful thoughts and feelings, perhaps you can see that they’re empty? The beehive on your shoulders all stirred up by illusions? Drop them, look around, what do you want? Follow that! Desire doesn’t extinguish by suppression.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #59945
    Rewa
    Participant

    Thanx a lot for your consideration and very beautiful thoughts . But I mostly regret that I have to break the promise and feel worse on my stupidity . I just blew it big time for myself .

    #59952
    Matt
    Participant

    Buddha taught that we all have ignorance, right? You made promises with less knowing, understanding than you have now… be unbound, dear sister, don’t spin with regret. Maybe the lesson is to make less promises… less intentional binding of who you think you’ll be tomorrow. Remember, no self, so who promised, exactly?

    #59958
    Rewa
    Participant

    Dear Matt …”…………………..to be honest while I was in monastery, well actually NOWI’m staying at home anyway I always felt that I wasn’t doing anything with my life . I mean not being productive ,yes I do puja but that’s not I want my life to be I always wanted more .actually I want to help do some social work ,really need ed to help others but being in nunnery I was always felt that go with your routines like do puja ,eat etc I felt I was caged .there is no practical but I can’t say for everyone but it’s what felt I really think I could do more. But ever since the incident I became so full negative thoughts . I feel like I’m stuck in black hole .i don’t see any hope for myself .

    #59959
    Matt
    Participant

    Guru ideas, not yours. Parent ideas, not yours. Puja, not yours. Rewa, not yours. Stop thrashing the horse, and it settles on its own.

    Nun, not nun, social work, not social work. There rests the conditions we call Rewa, luminous, on every path she walks. With some mud on her shoes, normal, usual, breathing.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #60023
    Rewa
    Participant

    Dear john thanx for your advice I really feel little bit hope for myself . I really have to be true to myself
    . Once again thanx

    #60057
    Bill Lee
    Participant

    Dear Rewa,

    I commend the commitment you made and honored for nearly two decades. Whether your spiritual path has changed or the difficulties you’re facing now are part of your development, I urge you to respond in the manner of your true nature — with compassion. That’s when insight will emerge. As painful as it is to be spending time with your family, it seems like an opportunity to address and resolve the guilt that you have been carrying about your parents–and now feeling with your guru.

    #60058
    Rewa
    Participant

    Thanks a lot

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