And when I asked what went so wrong he said that he couldn’t pinpoint one thing, that’s it’s just a feeling that he has and he’s not happy.

Thank you for your help Anita. I have been on the antidepressants since the breakup, I am on Cipralex 20mg, it does feel like it helps but it feels like I am putting a band aid on a wound that should be left open to heal. I do still get emotional and do still cry at times when I find myself thinking too much about all of this.

From what I get from him I am also left with not knowing exactly why he isn’t happy. In my mind our relationship was just the same for most of the 2 years that we were together. When I ask him what it is that he wants to do then he tells me that he doesn’t know, that he just doesn’t feel like himself and that I am happy to just relax at home where he needs more than just this. It isn’t really like me to just sit around doing nothing but when he was there with me and he wanted my attention then I gave it to him and didn’t do other things around the house, ect. I feel like he needed my attention a lot in the relationship and I did make time when he was there to give this to him but maybe this wasn’t enough for him? He says that I am also a lot calmer than him, too calm in fact. He also said that we have two completely different personalities but I never saw this as an issue. He also said that I don’t do much on my own outside of the relationship, but this is how I have always been, I have a few close friends and I do socialize with them every now and then but they are also married and have their husbands to attend to. I have hobbies that I do at home which I know he isn’t interested in which is okay with me because these are my things that I enjoy. I have also recently bought my own business that keeps me busy, he told me that he is envious of my attention to my business and he knows that isn’t how he should be feeling, that he should support me but he doesn’t. He is also successful with his own business and I have always allowed him the time and respect to do what he needs to do for his business. I really love him and felt like out relationship was meant to be, I didn’t realize that he wasn’t happy until it is too late for me to have a chance in making it work. I am really scared that he meets someone else in this “time” apart and this is the worst feeling for me. This is constantly on my mind as I don’t have very clear answers from him. He said that he doesn’t want to just abandon me, that he hates leaving me in such an emotional state but he needs time. Originally I gave him a few days to re-think his decision to just leave, and that’s when he came back with telling me that he needs time, he doesn’t know how much or how long but he just needs to be away. I don’t know if he is saying he needs time just to keep me feeling like I am not abandoned at the moment, but I also don’t want to be stringed a long only to discover that it was never his intention to come back. When we last saw each other he told me that he needs to miss me and want to come “home” but he doesn’t feel this yet.

Hi Anita,

In terms of what distresses him I can think of a few things, he has some issues that he has never dealt with from previous relationships namely trust issues. I have been aware of this since the start of our relationship and I haven’t let it get me down knowing where it comes from. When we first met he said that what he liked the most about me was my ability to just calm him down as soon as he saw me, but now this same calmness became too much and he didn’t like it anymore. He didn’t mention any of this to me while we were still in a relationship, only when it ended. He did say once or twice towards the end of the relationship that he wasn’t feeling himself but I didn’t understand what he meant and told him that he needs to find things that he enjoys doing for himself. I do agree that communication must have been an issue because I didn’t know these things until it was too late. I also don’t know what has been bothering him, why he has been distressed in our relationship, I haven’t ever given him any reason to not trust me or doubt my loyalty to him.
While we were together we talked about the future and had already started buying furniture together for our home one day, this was only a few months ago and I feel that if he made a decision to leave me then it must have been towards the end. I still have these items and his other belongings but he said that he doesn’t want to take it now. I’m so scared that he will not give us another chance, I truly love him and I am prepared to fix what I can from my side but I don’t think he feels the same. He has dated many girls in his life but has only had one other serious relationship before me where he considered marriage. I feel that we have come so far that we shouldn’t just give up now.

Thanks Anita, I do understand what you are saying about the voices in his head being louder than the calmness, I will try and find out what it it that he was thinking during this time when I speak to him again and let you know what the outcome of this is. I will probably speak to him again in a few weeks, I want to give him his time for now and respect that, I also probably need some time to process all of this and come up with the right tools and questions for when I do speak to him. I have told him how scared I am of losing him and how strongly I feel that he is making a mistake, I’m not sure, if by me telling him this, that this is the reason that he said that he needs time instead of just leaving me outright. I will have to approach him differently, and not be so emotional myself because when I am like that I can’t think clearly and all I think of is what I want, and nothing else. Thank you for always responding to me, this is really helping me.