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Struggling to gain clarity

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  • July 19, 2017 at 10:57 am #159008
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Abhaya:

    Can you elaborate on what you mean by not being in your right mind (“I applied to uni and also convinced my mum that I was in fact in my right mind…What if I did uproot my life while I wasn’t;t in my right mind?”

    I am not clear as well regarding what you meant by “unloaded on him” in your sentence: “And as I was unhappy I unloaded on him as he was finding happiness at his university.”

    anita

    July 19, 2017 at 7:10 pm #159090
    Abhaya
    Participant

    I know it might sound juvenile as I was very young at the time but I really did love him and want to be around him very very much. So when it ended I wasn’t alright for a very long time. I was hurting. I tried everything to stick on to my old university and tried everything that interested me but I never felt like I was getting anywhere closer to achieving what I wanted. All my career opportunities were lack luster and everyone around me at that uni understood when I wanted to leave and even said they wish they had thought of it too. But I keep second guessing myself as to whether subconsciously I couldn’t just resign myself to uni there because of him.

     

    Unloaded on him” meant I took him for granted and put way too much pressure on the relationship. I had really bad days where I thought I deserved way more out of an education but everyone else was getting it when they hadn’t worked as hard.

    July 21, 2017 at 6:13 am #159352
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Abhaya:

    Let’s see if I am understanding your situation/ state of mind correctly: in 2014 you started law school in a prestigious university in your home country. You were very disappointed with the quality of the teaching there and with the career opportunities that will be available for you when you graduate from that university. You decided to change universities and you are now enrolled in a university in England. Back in 2014 you had a boyfriend who moved to England himself. The relationship ended and the breakup was very difficult for you.

    What you are second guessing yourself about is whether you quit the university in your home country for valid reasons (quality of teaching and career opportunities) OR invalid reasons (to be with your boyfriend in England). Am I correct so far?

    anita

    July 22, 2017 at 5:52 am #159530
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Abhaya,

    My reasoning is: So what if you weren’t in your right mind and subconsciously wanted the boy? It’s not about the boy. It was never about the boy. It’s about you. You’re there now. You are successful. You are happier there. Stay there until you graduate.

    When people make assumptions, just shrug and say, “Oh, him? This was the best place I got accepted at, we’re not even together!”

    Best,

    Inky

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