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Ketty; The most important part of a relationship is communication, the way we communicate is the way we understand each other’s feelings, have you tell him how important is for you that if he needs to talk about your parents be in a respectful way?
Have you asked him if he feels respected by you? because I don’t like to use popular phrases; but “In order to get respect you have to give it first” If he says yes then tell him that it is very important in your relationship to have mutual respect for each other and that includes the way you talk about each other’s family.Besides that, if you don’t mind me to remind you when you got married, he married you, not your family and in the same way you married him not his family so don’t get caught with the clutter of other family members, believe me it is very stressful to live other people’s drama when you have your own going on.
I’m probably being harsh, but if you want to continue with this relationship you have to make him fall in love with you again, and I’m not saying forget about your parents, but as a mother I’m sure that I don’t want any of my children in a situation where they have to pick between saving me or saving their marriages.
With Love: Jessica
Hi ketty,
I have two solutions for you which you can take. The rest is up to your DH which you have no control over.
1. Two individual bank accounts and one house account. Both people put money into the house account as is needed. You do not take money out of the house account to help your parent/relatives/etc. YOUR private, individual account, however, you can do what you want with the money in there. He doesn’t have to put anything in. And with his account, he can have all his wealth… You working and giving the money to your family… as long as your money and his money isn’t mingled, he won’t feel “stolen” from .
2. That said, he might feel angry if he feels you are being taken advantage of. I have a limit on my giving to relatives, for example. I give until I would be taxed on the gift. Then that’s it! Sorry, college. Sorry, mortgage. Sorry, health problems! I know, it’s hard to put a cap on the giving, but you are limited and there are other relatives/friends/solutions.
Have your DH’s relationship with your parents/relatives be HIS relationship with them. He married you, not your family. If he can’t behave, tell him he can stay home.
Blessings,
Inky
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