Dear Zariah:

There is the .. easy answer: meditation, calming music, brisk walks in nature, yoga, Tai Chi (!), etc.

But then, the above will take you only this far. It will be very helpful and needs to be done continuously, but there is something else to be dealt with.

The reason other people’s, even strangers’ thoughts and feelings are so important to you is because in the context of your home, where your brain made its connections, the place where you learned how to think and behave, in that home, what your parents thought and felt had to do with danger. If you could, as a child, detect what they are thinking and what they are feeling, before they express it in fighting and bullying, then you can prepare, then you can have some control. You didn’t want to be caught unprepared. Prepared you could either run away, try to please and calm down the getting-angry-person. There was something you could do if you could read their minds.

And so you continue even though you are not living there. you still consider people being as dangerous as the bullies in your original home.

Therefore the more difficult answer is to attend psychotherapy with a competent therapist so to weaken those brain connections/ those learnings and develop new connections/ new learning that will afford you a calmer and more effective living outside the original home.

For more, write more…

anita

Hi Zariah,

{{My question is how do you take time for yourself?}}

What hinders you from taking time for yourself? If the impediment to taking time for yourself includes the demands of your lifestyle (job, social events, and so on) sort out what you can eliminate and set aside specific time for yourself. If you feel pressure to give in to demands of people in your life, build up your self resolve to set boundaries. It may be uncomfortable at first, but you can do it in a friendly way with firmness and confidence, knowing you value yourself and choose also what is important to you. Know what is important to you by reflecting on it, keeping a journal or simply writing a list and then prioritize. These processes can be revelatory if you haven’t given it much thought before.

The journey of inner work begins with that resolve, with determination. It is an act of will that sets the course of your life and future.

{{How do you quiet down your crazy thoughts and be a little bit more content everyday?}}

Meditation could be a very beneficial means for you to calm yourself and be more content. At least it is worthwhile to find out, if you haven’t already. On this page there are great free resources to help you become informed about 22 different types of meditation, with videos and free PDF files to download: http://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/meditative-life.html

As a tool by itself or in conjunction with meditation, I suggest reading this article as well and just feel it over. Decide whether or not you resonate with its approach which offers a new paradigm, a non-dualistic perspective which from my experience brings calmness and contentment: http://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/communion.html

Also, about therapy. I was a house parent to at-risk teen-aged boys in an organization with clinical therapists for over a year and participated in their therapies for the youth. I was not at all impressed with the therapists or their methods and for the second half of the year spoke up against the therapies. I know that every person has the in-born capacity to do the inner work needed. Therapies, techniques, traditions just muddle with and hinder the process. But it does take will and a seed of trust and confidence. Then nurture and allow the innate seed to grow.

I liked Inky’s “you are your own entity. You be you!” and would enjoy reading a follow-up from you. Best to you.