[quote quote=416080]Dear Anon765, I am very sad to hear that happened to you. I had to reply to this topic because I was, just a minute ago, confronting this same negative core belief about myself! (Holding on to the belief that I am ugly as opposed to the belief I am beautiful/handsome/gorgeous.) Thank you for sharing your story here. If you feel comfortable, can you please state the specific sentences in a dialogue conversation? I ask this because, as of right now, what was said is quite vague and open to interpretation. Sharing the specific words may alleviate your burden because we can unpack them and understand what exactly happened here. I was struck by when you said “I know I’m not attractive or beautiful.” What do these words “attractive” and “beauitful” mean to you? They mean different things to different people. For example, I consider gray/white hair and a very skinny body in a man beautiful but not all men strive to look like this. Since you say you ‘know’ you are not these things, how did you find out this information? Did someone tell you, or did you infer this from previous situations or relationships? When was the earliest moment you remember ‘learning’ this? I’m stealing the last question from this post: I also notice that you have a girlfriend, and yet you say you are “meant to be forever alone.” By the way, not all of us are so lucky…I am single, in contrast! Do you agree that there is some cognitive dissonance happening here, to claim being alone despite someone being romantically involved with you? I wonder, is there an assumption that your girlfriend will leave you? I believe this negative self-talk is contradicting what is happening to you in reality; therefore I believe it may be your own mind giving you a specific narrative that fits a “story” from your past. When my brain does this, it’s because it wants to avoid getting hurt the same way twice. So it keeps me safe by presenting a “movie” of past abandonments. For example I subconciously assume women I date will emotionally abuse me in similar ways to my sister, and I expect my sister’s behavior even though this person obviously isn’t her! I get so into this “movie” that I react to the past and can’t see the person I’m with. What do you think? Thank you again for sharing this sensitive moment and hoping to hear from you soon.[/quote]

Sorry for the late reply. I am dealing with unforeseen job layoff and added stupidity in my already dumb life.

Yes. I think I do believe at some level I believe nothing stays good forever. I don’t know why I feel that. I think I am not attractive because nobody has ever really told me that, my parents, siblings, friends, random people, nobody. I have always been a face in the crowd or just the invisible girl.

The specific convo-

A: Your lips are too thin, and your nose is too board. Your cheekbones could use some work . You could look beautiful then and with some more work (of course I translate this to – you are ugly – you can’t change my mind on that. there’s nothing else this can mean)

Me: Tells my girlfriend

Her: When I told you that about your lips you got so mad at me.