Hello B,

I really do understand your fears in this situation. It is hard to make the first move and harder when your brain says all these negative thoughts why you shouldnt etc. The important thing to remember is that your brain just says thoughts all the time and it soes not mean the thoughts are right. For example today I am working on building a website. Before i start this my brain comes up with lots of reasons why I shouldnt eg “I dont feel like it”, ” I am not good at IT”, “The website wont work or be a success”, “I am not creative enough” etc but once I START on the website as I will be lost in the moment of getting it done, those thoughts either a) wont matter or b) will be proved wrong. It could be a similar thing with you and your class. Once you broach the subject of a study group with a few people in your class, the feelings of pride and achievement you will feel for being the one taking the first step will be good. Something like “i was fearful of talking to these people and now look at me, right now i am doing it!”.

This does not mean the experience of talking to them will be smooth and easy. It could be, but equally it could feel awkward, your heart pounding etc, but even if that is the case, you atill would of done a massive personal win/success by being the person to take the lead! Their response to doing a study group is neither here nor there and will not be personal in anyway.. but the fact that you did something despite your fear will stay with you as the class finishes and into life- so I would recommend you try it. I know personally I have missed opportunities for friends or aquaintences because i felt too shy to talk. It takes courage to ask about the study group but it will be worth it.

You could prepare for asking them by preparing a line or two to say beforehand so if you get into the moment and your mind goes blank, you have that to fall back on. Maybe try speaking to 1 or 2 people you think look friendly such as those that dont look away when you make eye contact or seem to be smiling. Or with the person who seems.to be the leader in the class that could help you organise everyone for a study geoup or you could bite the bullet and turn around and speak to your guy you like. Another way could be speaking to the teacher saying you would be interested in a srudy group and could he/she make that annoucement in class to everyone, asking them to come and speak to you in the class break etc if they would be interested?

In terms of not doing what a “nerdy girl” does, I am not sure what that means please could you explain? My only thought would be that in high school etc people are more defined by which group they belong to than actual adult life in a way eg it is not only “nerdy guys” that will be attracted to you/date you, other guys will be too. Hiding yourself and trying to conform to someone elses standard has only backfired for me in my own life.. only by being yourself do you find people who actually are a match for you friendship and romance wise.. so I would say try not to get bogged down in how a “nerdy girl” should be and just be yourself.

Iplease let us know how you get on in class. 🙂

B

For anxiety and for life in general, deep breathing works to calm the nervous system.

Another thing you might want to try thinking they you will still be alive regardless despite whatever happens.

You can practice with someone you feel safe with before you try it with your classmates as well.

Good luck

Mark