Hi Angel1972,

Congratulations! You felt so incongruent that you thought you must be crazy. But you weren’t! Girl, you couldn’t even talk about a friggin’ art class without feeling the full force of his silent disapproval.

Lesson #134 in Life: Vibrations are Real! Some would say that vibes count more than words. More than 90% of communication is non-verbal, after all!

Of course the narcissist broke up with you! He did it so you wouldn’t break up with him first!

Listen: When my old BF dumped me, all I had left was this stupid art history class, and we were learning how to build a Nabatean Wall. That Nabatean Wall saved my life! You’re guy’s gone? GOOD! Now THROW yourself in totality into your art and yoga class and your friends!!

But beware: He will try to come back, the less attention he gets. They always do.

Inky

Dear Angel1972,

I agree with Inky – you really are better off without this guy.
The fact that you are feeling hurt right now is because he has managed to make you doubt yourself, which is what spending time with an emotionally abusive / narcissist will do. With these subtle messages he put into your head that you are a weak, fragile person who cannot manage a relationship until you “get better”. Do not believe him for a second, this was only a manipulation on his part to make you feel and be inferior to him so that he could establish his control over you. He didn’t necessarily do that in a conscious way, but this is the only way he can function, by making his partner feel small, dependent and miserable. The fact that your life evolved around him and that you are no longer in touch with some of your friends makes me suspect that he very subtly brainwashed you into this, as I have heard similar stories before. I wonder, are the people you are no longer in contact with the kind of people who would have seen right through him and could have warned you about him? It usually is the case that these personalities will identify some of your friends and family as a potential threat to them and will subtly make you stop seeing them.

Please don’t let these weakening messages of his convince you, the fact that you were feeling anxiety was probably because you subconsciously felt that this relationship was unhealthy and wrong. No one should say to you that they “love you but” cannot be with you because of what or how you are, unless you are doing something to hurt them which you obviously weren’t. A lot of people deal with very high levels of anxiety and are still in relationships, and their partners support and help them instead of making their anxiety worse. But in your case it does sound as though the anxiety could have been caused by him in the first place anyway.

Dear Angel1972,

I’m so surprised at what I just read by your first blog, only because believe it or not, I’ve had the EXACT same thing happen to me. My break up was in December of 2015. I am 35 years old now, and we were together from 23 till 34. The break up ended up bad and all my feelings were just like yours that I just read. I can’t say that I’m the strongest person just yet, but I am getting there. It’s been a struggle. Please reach out when you are down or panic. I know the feeling of when you say “he was the one who lifted me up”. Its so hard for people to understand, but Im learning that they are right. I’m still working on letting go and even forgiving myself.

My email is trod811@yahoo.com if you would like to send a personal email.

Thanks, Teresa