Dear Lulu:

I am so sorry, Lulu, that your sister’s cancer is now at stage 4, and that understandably, you are in much pain.

You ended your today’s post (Oct 27, 2024) with: “I feel so stuck. I wish, more than anything, I could heal her. I wish I could do it all over again, I wish I could accept it more easily. The only thing I can do is cry, hold her and record. It’s all I have. I’m not certain I’ll ever be ok ever again.“-

– You expressed above how much you wish that you could heal her. You may not be able to heal her, but you can help her. On May 1 this year, five months and 26 days ago, you wrote (I am adding the boldface feature selectively here): “A large part of me wants to go into the psychology field to learn my place in the world both socially and mentally, and to explore a side of myself that I find uncomfortable or disconnected so that I could help others.”

Helping others is a high value for you, something that you are passionate about. Let this passion keep you strong and determined to live and help yourself and others.

“She’s always been a leader, not a follower… She’s an artist… She’s a perfectionist. She spent hours practicing her curves until it was perfect, and threw away so many art pieces and drawings because they ‘weren’t good enough’… She was a straight-A student throughout middle school… She was always surrounded by her friends… She doesn’t complain; she always makes the best of things… always spoke her mind… Above all else, though, she’s always been my best friend… I was always the writer, and she was the artist.. My sister is so strong… She always tries to do the right thing“-

– I notice how at times you refer to her in the past tense. I notice your great love for her. Your great love for her is never going to be in the past tense, is it. Fueled by your love for her, make some of your sister’s ways be your ways: be more of a leader, less of a follower. Make the best of things.. best you can. Speak your mind more often. Be a best friend to others. Continue to be the writer, the talented writer that you are. Be strong. Continue to try to do the right thing.

Here is a poem that appeared first in Dec 1934, close to 90 years ago, in its original version (under the title Immortality): “Do not stand at my grave and weep- I am not there; I do not sleep.- I am a thousand winds that blow.- I am the diamond glints on snow.- I am the sunlight on ripened grain.- I am the gentle autumn rain.- When you awaken in the morning’s hush- I am the swift uplifting rush- Of quiet birds in circled flight.- I am the soft stars that shine at night.- Do not stand at my grave and cry;- I am not there. I did not die.”

It’s good to read from you again, Lulu, 2 months and 25 days since you posted last (Aug 2, 2024). I would like to read from you again and again. It’s a privilege to read your heart-felt, talented and insightful posts.

anita

Hi Lulu

My deepest condolences for your the loss of your beloved sister. ❤️

Usually, the next step is the funeral.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏