Hey Andrew!

First lets get this clear, depression is not a “problem” its a sign so you don’t need to panic and think that something is “wrong” with you. Please don’t be so hard on yourself and learn to accept these “bad” thoughts along with the good ones because they are a part of you…its not something to be looked upon with hate.

Secondly, you need to really zone out and observe your thoughts. Think about what you really want? what truly makes you happy? Who or what is stopping you from doing the things that you want to do? What would you do if that obstacle didn’t exist?

Remember, that no one has to live a certain way because they are expected to. You can literally live your life any way you want. As cheesy as it sounds, the possibilities are endless.

Dear Andrew:

You wrote that you came here, started this thread that is, because you “were scared to tell anyone the truth”. So you want to tell the truth. That is a good thing. I like truth. If you are willing, we can see more and more of the truth. It will take back and forth communication.

You wrote: “I’m a pampered rich kid”-  pampered how?

anita

Andrew,

If you could do anything in the world without restrictions of money and place, what would you do?

You have went to great lengths on describing what you hate.  What do you like?  Even a little bit?

Make it your mission to find and focus on those things/activities/people that you do like and enjoy no matter how small it may be.

Be persistent and practice those things.  Keep building on them.

Mark

Dear Andrew:

My summary and understanding of what you shared: you are fifteen and angry, very angry (hate) your family and you hate everyone you meet. You wanted to kill yourself for about ten years. You feel “no empathy for anything except (your) dog”. You enjoy toying with people, setting them up, framing them, scamming them, and making them angry. You feel very bored. You want friends but “just for (your) entertainment”.

You wrote about your parents: “I shouldn’t not like them they’ve only been nice to me”

I disagree with the statement I just quoted. How do I know, one may ask, I only read a post by you, Andrew, never met you, never met your parents. How do I know?

Well, I know because it is very unlikely that you were born a hating baby, and you didn’t mention having had a brain injury at five or six when you started wanting to kill yourself. So I figure, you weren’t born a hating baby who wanted to kill himself. So, I ask myself, how did this come about?

Who interacts with a baby, a young child? Parents. What happened there- rejection, I suppose. Rejection of much of who you were and who you are. So, you are hurt and angry and you want to hurt others. Hurt people get angry and want to hurt others.

Rejected people reject themselves and without vital parts of themselves are bored. Without those parts, there is no interest in life, all seems boring and pointless.

Are you interested in exploring what vital parts of you were rejected by your parents, or are you angry with me and ready to toy with me, scam me and try to hurt me as well?

anita

Dear Levonaire:

If you would like to share more, I would like to read. I wonder approximately how old you are, I wonder about the basic circumstances of your life (living with parents/ family or alone, working or not, etc.)

“Over the years I’ve became more cynical and manipulative of those around me. If anyone ever does something that annoys me I’ll do everything in my power to make that person miserable. I make them miserable without them knowing that it’s me whose making them feel like that.. I’ll still put up my facade of being this good child and friendly person and on the inside a violent and chaotic one.”-

– I wonder what you mean by manipulating others: whom, how.. what do you do to make others miserable (?) I wonder what motivates you to make others miserable.. does it give you a feeling of power, revenge? I would like to read more about your “violent and chaotic” inside part, and for whom you put on the “facade of being this good child and friendly person”(?)

anita