Hi, Soulstar,

I don’t want to try to give advice about a situation I’ve never been in, but I do want to send some support and love your way. I don’t know your family that well, so I’m not sure if what I would do would be helpful in your situation. In my family, avoiding discussions (ANY discussions, including some that SHOULD be avoided) is not really our thing, but blunt confrontation doesn’t work for everyone. You could write them a letter, or speak them individually. You have very clear feelings and needs, and the evidence for your concerns is obvious.

However you decide to handle it, (I hope someone with more experience than me can offer you better advice,) you definitely deserve to have a family that respects and appreciates you and I hope they come to their senses. And even though their behavior is their responsibility and doesn’t reflect on you, that doesn’t make it less hurtful, so please take care of yourself as well.

All the best to you.

Dear Soulstar,

I am truly sorry for your pain. I am certain that my mother favors my sibling over me, and, when I allow myself to focus on that fact, I feel hurt and “less than”. The key here is : “when I allow myself to focus on that.”

You can only change one person’s feelings: YOURS.

Please don’t do yourself the IMMESNSE disservice of allowing their situation and/or opinions of you and yours to dictate how you see yourself.

You are beautiful. You are worthy. You have a heart. And you are not afraid to speak your truth or show your pain and compassion. (Qualities I suspect the rest of your family chooses not to express.)

The unfortunate truth is that family members are human just like friends and strangers – and, sometimes they should be treated as such. I feel that we sometimes idealize what our family “should be” instead of accepting that they might be just as disconnected from us as the cashier in a supermarket. You might try lowering your expectations of what you want from them. The great thing is, that if you look beyond your family, you might find many other people who love you in more ways than you probably realize.

Remember that any energy you put into trying to change someone else is energy you are not using to better yourself.

Wishing you happiness!!
-Bronte