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Should we stay together? Any changes that we should make?

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • June 4, 2018 at 3:57 pm #210795
    asadlittleone
    Participant

    Sorry for the really long post and the bad grammar here and there, any suggestions?

    June 4, 2018 at 7:45 pm #210801
    Mark
    Participant

    asadlittleone,

    How about keeping him as a friend?  Try dating around to see if you find a better match for a romantic partner.

    Continue to communicate what you want for yourself and make specific requests of him of what you want from him.

    Check out Non-Violent Communication as a process/technique to do this.

    Mark

    June 5, 2018 at 5:02 am #210847
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear asadlittleone:

    You wrote: “I don’t see how I still like him and why I like him, I’ve always wanted a boyfriend that’s mature and can give me advice instead of someone who does the opposite”-

    Maybe you like him because he is like a child who needs guidance, one who looks up to you, who asks you for advice and who needs to be taken care of (bringing along sunscreen for him when going out, for example).

    It is possible to want a mature boyfriend on one hand and enjoy the immature part of the boyfriend you have, at the same time. What do you think?

    anita

    June 5, 2018 at 1:21 pm #210967
    asadlittleone
    Participant

    I like some other advantages that he has, such as we always have something to talk about and we almost always share very similar perspectives about the world. But that doesn’t include the immaturity- it bothers me (I understand that it’s nearly impossible to have a bf that’s perfect on everything) and I cannot help but to feel unhappy because of it (or else I won’t be irritated because of it), what suggestions do you have? Thanks

    In addition, how should I lower my expectations of him a bit (or should I)? Am I too insecure to think that he doesn’t like me much and too demanding for wanting him to?

    June 5, 2018 at 1:30 pm #210969
    asadlittleone
    Participant

    Mark,

    Thanks a lot for your suggestion, but I feel bad for keeping him as an option while looking for someone else at the same time, that sounds unfaithful to me. I really like your suggestions about making specific requests (and that’s what I was doing). His response was saying “yes” without actually implementing it. I wasn’t sure if it’s just overly difficult to ask someone else to change since humans cannot really be changed too much.

    June 6, 2018 at 3:19 am #211175
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear asadlittleone:

    You read mature to me: you understand that it is impossible to have a perfect boyfriend, that the two of you don’t share the same brain (in your original post) and therefore differences are to be expected, that “humans cannot really be changed too much”, very mature. Also, the way you dealt with yelling at him was very mature, you took “a quiet moment alone for a while to calm down and think about the problem”- I am very impressed.

    In a relationship with any man, you are likely to be the more mature one.

    In your most recent post you expressed that you value faithfulness in a relationship. My advice therefore is that if your boyfriend’s immaturity extends to being unfaithful to you, then it is time to end the relationship. Because you value faithfulness.

    You may be okay with being the one to bring sunscreen to an outing but I don’t think you will be okay with him being with another woman while in relationship with you. So keep that in mind: how impulsive he is (an aspect of immaturity) when it comes to other women?

    There are other things you value, evaluate his behavior (not so much his words) in the areas you value most.

    anita

     

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