Hello Katie,

This is a difficult situation.  You want to be loyal to Gabi, and you miss her.  You have all these people telling you she is not a good person.  You spoke badly about her, but you didn’t – and don’t – actually feel that she is a bad person.  You view what happened between Jared and Gabi as a mistake and being out of character – this is actually a mature way of viewing relationships.  Because really, when you get down to it, what happened between Jared and Gabi is a reflection of something not working in Jared and Bianca’s relationship, as much as it might be a potential character flaw in Jared and Gabi.  The fact that Jared and Gabi slept together after drinking too much is just a symptom of problems in Jared and Bianca’s relationship.  I am in no way condoning that what happened is okay, but you grasp that this is not about either of them being bad people and that it is something that just happened.

If I were you, before you get back in touch with Gabi, I would consider all the pros and cons of doing so.  For every action, there is a reaction, and you need to be prepared for what the fallout could be if you do contact Gabi and continue your friendship with her.  You say that you don’t want to be friendless – is this your fear of what will happen if you do contact Gabi?  What if you contact Gabi, and she turns out to still be the great friend you remember and your friendship continues on?  Are you ready to forego the other friends you have to reunite with Gabi?

For what this is worth, I think the friends who have shunned Gabi because of this incident are short sighted and are blind to the fact that Jared was also there, and had a part in all of this too.  And they are a rather unforgiving bunch.   I don’t know if those are the kind of friends I’d want to have.

Airene

Katie,

We all make mistakes.  I look at the person to see if they recognize that they made one, that they own up to it, and that they make reparations about it.  For the most part, people do not deliberately and consciously do bad things.

Look at who you are.  What are your core values?  Do you value Gabi as a person and as a friend?  If you value friendship, loyalty, and honesty?  Gabi did nothing wrong to you.  You and your friends are judging her.  You know that bible saying, He who without sin cast the first stone?

If you do decide to get back together with her, you may want to ask her about what the others said about what she might have said about you behind your back.

It IS hard to go against the crowd especially if one is your boyfriend.  Walking your talk (integrity, kindness, friendship, etc.) is hard.  Standing up for what you believe in when faced with the consequences of the loss of your circle of friends is daunting.  This is a good test for yourself in seeing what you truly believe in despite what others think.  This is what courage means.

Mark