Dear Kiersten:

Congratulations for blocking a toxic person from contacting you!

I would like to answer your question in regard to returning green tea to your mother, but I need to understand the following before I am able to answer:

When you say: “I accidentally took the green tea from her home”- (1) what do you mean by green tea: bags of green tea? Or a tea set of a teapot, tea cups, saucers, a sugar bowl and such? (2) what do you mean by accidently?

anita

Dear Kiersten:

I will read and reply to you when I am back to the computer in a few hours or as late as tomorrow.

anita

Re-submitted (because there’s an error in the first submission):

Dear Kiersten:

A few comments before I answer your question best I can:

1) I looked up the costs of a bag of green tea and although many cost under $10, some as low as a few dollars, there are expensive bags of tea such as the Jasmine Pearls Full-Leaf Green Tea bag which steeps 200 cups and costs $134.50. So, I understand that a bag of green tea can be an expensive item.

2) It is sad that your mother is generous with you as far as material gifts go (“packed up all the gifts she had given me“), but will not give you the gift of a calm, respectful mother who promotes her daughter’s mental health (“She is very emotionally abusive towards me… I blocked her because she was taking a toll on my mental health“).

And now, my answer: because you believe in karma (“I don’t want to be karmically responsible for keeping something that is not mine“), and because you promised to return it (“I apologized to her and promised to return it”), you better return it to her.

Because you say that you don’t have the money to mail it, that you don’t have anyone to take it and drop it off at your mother’s. and you don’t want to drop it off yourself because you are afraid that she will verbally abuse you, I suggest that you put the bag of tea in a box or in a plastic bag, go to your mother’s place, quickly put the bag outside her door, and immediately walk away and back to the street. Once you are in a safe distance from her home, text her with the message that the bag of tea is right outside her door. If you can’t text her, call her and hang up right after delivering the message.

Then go back to your home, karma cleared and promise fulfilled.

anita

Dear Kiersten:

I took in all the information that you provided, and considering it all, there is no doubt in my mind that it is indeed the right thing for you to not contact your mother no matter what, just like doctors and therapist advised you: “My doctors advised me not to speak to her until further notice… my therapist doesn’t want me contacting my mom because it’s not good for me mentally“.

“I’m paying installments to stay in a residential mental health program later this year“-

– Please do take care of your mental health. A cornerstone of mental health is to have no contact whatsoever with people who are toxic and abusive to you, and with people with active narcissistic and borderline personality disorders (“my toxic mother. She is a narcissist and borderline. She is very emotionally abusive towards me“).

About green tea, from health line. com: “A 2017 research paper found that drinking green tea may benefit cognition, mood, and brain function… A 2020 study also suggested that green tea is linked with 64% lower chance of cognitive impairment in middle aged and older adults… Summary: Green tea has functional ingredients that may combine to improve brain function and cognitive health”.

Isn’t it amazing, Kiersten that green tea has the opposite effects on you that your mother does: it benefits cognition; she harms your cognition, it benefits mood; she harms it… green tea benefits brain function (and therefore, it improves mental health) and your mother harms your brain function and therefore, your mental health.

Keep the green tea, place it perhaps as a decoration in your room/ home, as a symbol of what you should be focusing on: your mental health and doing what takes to promote it and maintain it.

anita

Dear Kiersten:

Yes, I do think that your thoughts, your attitude and your plan is indeed reasonable. I am positively impressed with you!

anita