When guys break up with you they often call or write to see how you “are”. It’s to relieve his guilt and to look like the good guy in all this. Also, the ego boost of believing that they are a heart breaker.

It’s your choice.

I would write “Great! I met someone.”

(“Someone” could be the postman, he doesn’t deserve full disclosure.)

It wouldn’t be the answer he was expecting, and he’d feel momentary shock at being so quickly replaced. But the trick is not to answer him back when he writes back a lame, “Oh, that’s great!” Leave him hanging. Leave him wondering. And don’t see or run into him. When you do enough time should pass (a year) that he sees you as a new independent person, not the ex girlfriend he dumped.

Hi, Lilla. I hope you are well. I agree completely with Todzilla. When you think about the e-mail note, it really is somewhat insulting. Here is a person who ditched you for someone else, and he expects you to jump at his lame, one line e-mail so he can be assured that you are still on the hook for him. I do not want to make presumptions about the relationship, but with certain types of people this could be called a “hoover,” which means the person is hoping to suck you back into their world to keep you on the back burner in case it doesn’t work out with new chick. Maybe all is not well in his new paradise, whatever, it’s not your problem. Nor is it your duty, obligation or whatnot to make HIM feel better by replying to his one sentence inquiry. What about all the weeks you were crying and feeling terribly about how he treated you.

I believe your gut is telling you NOT to respond. I think you should listen to your GUT and protect yoursef first. You only have to be responsible for your own actions; it is not up to you to make him feel better by replying in any way.

I base this response on your original post. I believe your instincts are telling you that there may be an alterior motive on his part, and frankly I feel that if he really was concerned about how you were doing, he’d pick up the phone. You don’t have to respond at all, or at least right away.

I have a saying posted over my desk that is a good reminder to me in many facets of life: “Nothing is often a good thing to do and always a good thing to say…”–Will Durant. This helps me in situations where I am not sure what to do. It reminds me that I don’t have to do anything if I don’t want to at the moment.

I send you the good vibes for peace of mind and healing.

Sincerely,
cat dancing

Hello everyone,

I don’t know if I am in the right forum.

But 2 days ago, I recently broke up with my boyfriend that I’ve been with for nearly 2 years. The first 6/9 months were the best times of my life. He has such a good heart, soul, very loyal and just committed to the relationship. As I was too.

I’m only 18 and he’s 20, I’m in University doing a very full demand course. The main problem that risen up in our relationship is that, I kept this relationship behind my parents back. For nearly 2 years they had no idea, I was with him. I finally told them that he liked me, they accepted it for a day but then later changed their minds. And it really messed up my heart and thinking whether I would risk lying to my parents again. Around when this was happening, my parents forced me to break up with him so I did (2 months before the acc break up) that breakup only ended for a day and I decided to keep it going.

Before my parents got involved, I had doubts already whether I wanted a future, and long term relationship with him. As I guessed we all think that relationships are perfect at the start right? As it was for me and him. But as the days,months passed… I felt somewhat trapped the arguments were every other night if not 3 days a week. As obviously I couldn’t see him as much, we basically FaceTimed and text and see each other once or twice a week. The arguments got to the point where every night I would just cry, and cry and I started hitting myself and physically thinking of hurting myself. He was a very self-conscious person, overjealous, and I guess controlling. He had a problem with me going to school as there were guys, and he had a problem when I started University as there were guys there too. So during the course of seeing his behaviour, I kind of adapted to acting the same as him. I gotten so bad to the point where I stormed inside his work, humiliated him as I saw his manager was a girl and the same age as him. We had arguments in public, where we were both shouting. What hurts as well, is within the length of our relationship, I can see and I knew he tried changing his over jealousy, and his controlling. But it just never really worked, but I knew he tried to change.

Dont get me wrong, I know all what I said above is all negative and wrong on his perspective but, I have never met such a genuine, kindhearted person, loyal. I’m saying this because, I knew he only looked at me, I knew I was the only girl he talked to. I was his only friend, as when we became official he never bothered getting or staying in touch with his own friends. And the main thing is I knew he would never do anything to hurt me for example he would never cheat.

Brekaing up with him finally, I guess logically I knew I made the right decision for my well-being. But the fact he only lives 5 mins away, hurts me. Because I knew he depended on me so much, that I’m struggling to think how he will cope now that I’m gone. And I’m struggling to pin point whether the future plans I made with him was forced or I actually felt it. It’s hard because the routine of texting him and FaceTiming every night and looking forward to the only day of the week I see him, is now gone. And it’s leading towards Christmas and a new year.

I don’t know if I made the right decision… and it’s hard for me as I don’t have the support at home from my parents.

Please reply, 🙁