Dear Glenda,

Thanks for sharing your story.

Since you have been with your partner for 10 years, I was wondering if you have brought up the subject of having children with him? Once you open up your ideas with him, perhaps something can be worked out slowly. Is your partner willing to have children? Can you find out from friends who have children how much it truly costs (diapers, food, everything) every month to get by? Once you have children, can he take on a side job?

It can hurt when others make fun of our significant other (my partner is a musician with unsteady income….so I attract a lot of comments too). We have to re-assess then what is the purpose of a relationship? How much do I love my partner? You mentioned that you are like soulmates….is it really worth giving up a soulmate over money? In marriage vows, we say “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health”. Whether we are married or not, once we are in a steady relationship…we can ask ourselves…can we live up to this?

Your mom’s comments may cause guilt…usually moms just what their daughters to live a happy life. Perhaps you can tell her what sweet things your partner has done for you that money cannot buy, e.g. he has made a wonderful meal for me tonight or he makes me laugh all the time. If your partner is very nice, treats you well, makes you laugh…practically soulmates…that is one in a million chance to encounter this person! How lucky you are! Other people’s feelings are other people’s thoughts & they are temporary. Assess truly how you feel.

Take good care!
Jennifer

… I have to admit there is something here I’m not understanding .

You’re in love with a good man as far as I can read. It’s just his job and money that bothers you….

Um…so whose acceptance are you worrying about? Whose approval do you need?

Am I not getting it? I know a lot of rich couples who can aford anything but have lifeless relationships .

I’m reading there’s something unfulfilled in you and I’m reading projection but I can’t claim t know what. Maybe you van help.

As for kids . If two loving people have kids they will make money happen whatever it takes .

Glenda
As Anita says, you need to be less influenced by your mother and stand by your own decisions. It would be worse if your partner was unemployed.

What others think should not bother you. However, you mentioned kids and that you’d want to be a stay-at-home mom and raise kids but that won’t work on his salary. Have you talked to him about this at all? Have your had the kids talk? He may love his job and there is no need to shame him for it, but support him instead. However, things have to be realistic. Talk to him about starting a family and where that puts him as the main bread-winner. He’ll have to make some sort of adjustments not because you want him to, but because it’s the right thing to do.

-him not putting the toothpaste cap back on
-eating like a ravenous animal, never slowly
-when he makes our bed, he never does hospital corners
-he only vacuums the house once a fortnight
-he often forgets to put the toilet seat back down
-he doesn’t wash his hands before putting clothes on the line
-he doesn’t clean out the birdcage very often
-he sometimes burps after drinking a can of coke
-he used to call me “honey” but never does anymore

I personally think it’s humorous but serious and a bit shallow at the same time. I think at the end of the day your mother is getting to you and all these little things become bigger the more you listen to what she says about him. I can tell you right now that no man in 10-years time is going to look perfect and the things that you’ve listed seem very silly from where i’m sitting and I actually consider myself a man with good manners. You need to reevaluate what is important to you. I also think you guys need to communicate. I feel like there isn’t much of that happening.

With that list I’m beginning to think you’re joking about some of it but Anita is right
If you want to leave him leave him. I daresay after ten years you’re not the same woman he fell in love with either. What list would he make about you?

And if you love him. Stop being a fanny and get on with loving him. You’re allowed to without your mother’s approval. … bet she doesn’t do hospital corners either.

Hi Glenda,

On the issue of status and your mother, some may say marrying a schoolteacher isn’t exactly high society. My point in saying that is status is relative.

What brought on this questioning of your relationship? Is it that you’re ready to have children but you’re not sure if you want to with this man? If so, that’s totally valid. If you don’t feel safe with him, that he’s a good provider, than yea, perhaps it’s time to move on. But if he’s responsible and hardworking, chances are a better paying job is in his future, should he need one. Necessity is Mother Nature’s greatest invention. Hey, who knows, he could even become a schoolteacher.

Good luck:)
Pink

• This reply was modified 9 years ago by pink24.

Dear glenda:

You are welcome. Write anytime (for example, if you will, about how important it is for you to be needed and how difficult it is for you to ask for what you need from him and from others)

anita