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should i follow them??

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  • April 30, 2018 at 11:06 pm #205003
    cranberry
    Participant

    Hey,

    So in the past I’ve made some forums about my ex. He was my first relationship and it was long term so when it ended it really took a toll on me. It’s been almost year since we’ve been apart. I do not love him anymore, how could I? It’s been a while and I’m sure we’ve both changed so much. I have talked to other guys and kissed other people. Im exploring my options and myself. But I can’t help but think of him. I wish I was apart of his life and I feel like I am incredibly stupid for feeling this way.. I care about him so much. I was thinking of following him on instagram and seeing what would happen. I guess I just want to feel like we are friends. It makes me sad to think he does not care or think of me at all. to be honest when we saw eachother last it was in December and it was because i asked him if we could speak since our break up was through text and I wanted closure from what happened. I learned from that experience that “closure” does not exist. And that it is all deciding to pick and leave the past in the past and he also reacted very indifferent towards me like I was a stranger.

    As I’m writing this, the logical part of me is saying not to follow him but my emotions are telling me I should. I feel so silly and I dont know who to talk about this. I just want him in my life.

     

    May 1, 2018 at 4:33 am #205027
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi cranberry,

    I wouldn’t follow him on Instagram (or anywhere) for at least a year after your last contact. So if you spoke with him in December, wait until January of next year. Otherwise he will think you are still interested in him or he will still be thinking of you as “recent ex, use caution!” in his mind.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    May 1, 2018 at 5:18 am #205033
    Airene
    Participant

    Hello Cranberry,

    Just a couple of thoughts…

    Feelings are just feelings.  Not right or wrong, stupid or smart.  We feel what we feel.  But we can decide what to do with those feelings – we decide if we act on them or not, if we hold onto them or let them go.

    Sometimes we hold onto the relationship because it is what we know.  Sometimes we hold onto it because it neither hurts us or brings us joy, but we’re not ready to leave it.  Do you think you cling to the idea of your ex because it was something so good, or because it was something familiar?

    Your statement that closure does not exist is accurate, I think, because right now, you are seeking the closure from your ex.  Your closure will come when you decide to give this closure.

    You say logically, you know you should not follow him.  It takes great strength and self-discipline to do this, but your thinking about this is spot on.  What can you hope to gain by following him?  Will it bring you peace and closure?

    You end your post by saying you want him in your life.   By holding onto that, you are keeping yourself from moving forward, and missing out on meeting other people and other experiences.  Consider that by moving on, good things await.  Act as if you are bringing closure to this.  Act as if your life is moving forward.  The significance of him and this relationship will diminish with each step.

    Airene

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Airene.
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