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Should I end this?

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  • This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • March 23, 2019 at 9:55 am #285917
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Christine:

    If he is a professional football player and a successful one and. maybe on top of it good looking and charming, then it means that he will be getting a lot of offers from young, attractive women. This makes a short distance exclusive relationship a significant challenge, and a long distance exclusive relationship even  more challenging.

    I am sure there are men out there who are capable and able to have an exclusive relationship with a woman while exposed daily to offers by other women, but what are the chances-

    – maybe you can ask him: what are the chances?

    anita

    March 23, 2019 at 10:44 am #285931
    Mark
    Participant

    Christine,

    You have this history of being hurt so many times and being used.  I’m so helpless.

    My take is that regardless whether he is a successful, professional athlete or not, you are gun shy and self described as “helpless.”  This is not a good mental state to be in to start any relationship.  I am curious if you done any work on yourself in understanding why you have chosen men who have used you.  Plus feeling helpless does not make you an empowered woman.

    I would guess as a successful man, I can be initially attracted to a helpless woman but either (1) I would soon tire of that and leave her or (2) I would take advantage of her.  Either way, a helpless woman would not be my equal if I was this self-confident man.

    Does that make sense?
    Mark

    March 24, 2019 at 6:59 am #286033
    Christine
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thanks for your reply.

    Well he’s quite good at what he does but he’s not very efficient in my language, he’s a foreigner. So he doesn’t have that many friends over here only because he’s been living here only for 3 years. He also made it very clear to me that he’s never cheated on any of his girlfriends. I know these are just words but he was very honest with me about a lot of things.

    I will ask him that today, feeling very anxious about that. It’s so sad that previous relationships destroy our abilities to trust one another.

    Christine

    March 24, 2019 at 7:09 am #286035
    Christine
    Participant

    Dear Mark,

    Thank you for replying.

    Oh, no I’m not really shy and I only felt helpless because of this particular situation, that I didn’t know what to do next. I’m sorry, English isn’t my first language, I’ll try to describe it better next time. 🙂

    That’s an interesting thought, thanks for mentioning that. I might just delve into it.

    Huh, that’s an interesting point as well… So how much should I show of my ‘weaker’ side then? None or just a bit?

    Yes, it makes much sense, it got me thinking right away. I’ll try to be equally confident, just as he is.

    Christine

    March 24, 2019 at 8:19 am #286041
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Christine:

    You are welcome. He may very well be an honest man and I hope he is.

    But what is definitely true is that statistically when you know a man for only three weeks and then the relationship goes long distance, the chances are low, that the relationship will survive and continuing to grow stronger through the physical distance.

    It is possible but unlikely. I suggest you do talk to him more, ask him questions, listen to his answers (not too many questions all at once of course, and not in an emotionally charged tone of voice). Then figure out what to do. You can post about his answers here if you want my input.

    Be aware of the chances I mentioned, limit your wishing-and-hoping and  adjust your expectations best you can to reality.

    anita

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