There exist no ordinary relationship.Recently I was dumped after a short-lived affair lasting only a few weeks.So why post about a short love affair that will be forgotten within a few months, as has happened millions of times before.
For me this one was a mystery, and perhaps there is something to be learned from this love story – or am I out of control?
To start – I felt immensely hurt when our relationship ended, where I now understand early childhood experiences can surface when loosing someone you are attached to.As infant I was separated from my very young mother for some time due to turbulent circumstances until my parents worked it out and married (it was in the late 1950’s – they are still together).
I met this lovely woman on a night out, when she placed herself in front of me and started talking, and within seconds I fell deeply in love with her, where we tried to figure it out. I behaved like a frog – almost speechless and restrained in behavior, in contrast to this spontaneous and talkative woman.And after a few weeks all ended in a mess with misunderstandings and double messages and now everything is over.

Hoping not to be indiscreet – but this woman for whom my heart still beats have been out of work for some time living for herself in her flat, with a restricted economy as she is disabled due to a recognized pain condition.She is prescribed painkillers and anti anxety drugs where one of her complaints was feeling wrongly medicated. Other complaints of hers was little contact with family by whom she felt ignored by, to be without real friends and in general looking upon herself as treated wrong and never understood by society.

It is not easy to see oneself from the outside where I myself perhaps is a bit dull and grey wearing the same clothes day after day, working in a well respected and relatively high positioned job, only drinking low alcohol beverages and is well situated economical with a nice house and a bank account where I, like everybody else in love, was ready to share if it came so far.

This lovely woman is not pretty but I became absorbed by her appearances and charm, a quick, talkative and light spirited social butterfly, where later on I also could see a tender and very intelligent woman.But there were mixed signals all the way – “usually I prefer the tough type, but perhaps now as I am older” – “our horoscopes do not match perfect” – “you are a little to old, but perhaps anyway (I’m 9 years her senior)” so it was in fact not easy to act naturally.She also said my home had a sense of “a loners house”, and in the end she angrily regretted telling me about her life at all.

Now I sit left alone with my pain, as she with hers.She had a lot of positive traits where I believe some of her anger was caused by withdrawal as her doctor slowly is reducing in medication.I also believe she never was understood by society as she without academic training, but having an exceptional autobiographical memory also seemed to have potential excellent skills in politics, mathematics and physics (she had thought out very detailed theories on foreign affairs and quantum physics).

It might be me who over interprets, but I really don’t think so – there was logic in her thinking (not folie à deux). Also I agree that she should be given a reevaluation of her (old fashioned) medication.

What makes me wonder is – why does a person spiraling down (as I see it) reject someone reaching out?
And – should I send her a message – or forget?