She might be my soulmate, but keep hesitating.

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This topic has 12 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 4 months ago by Butterfly.

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August 22, 2016 at 1:17 am #112977

Wolfie
Participant

I’ve been dating a woman that is just incredible! She’s strong, beautiful, intelligent, committed, caring – by far the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. And when we spend time with each other everything is completely effortless, we have loads of fun and she adds so much joy to my life. I’m not crazy happy with her (there are moments though), but everything just fits.

But… there’s something inside me that make me insure about the relationship and it’s been there since day one. I’ve broken up with her more than 3 times during 9 months. I don’t have that intense crazy madly in love feeling for her, nor the lust and passion of “I gotta have her” which I’ve had with women before and I kinda miss it. However, maybe my crazy previous life where basically everyone I’ve ever loved left me some way or another. But, there’s a calm love. She really makes me a better man, and I’ve never felt this sense of serenity with anyone! Including my very best friends. What I’m looking for I think is the certainty that she’s the one to go for. My right and correct pick.

So, I’m afraid. Do I go for the intense strong passionate feelings, or the calm secure soulfilled connection?

August 22, 2016 at 1:53 am #112978

Anonymous
Inactive

Intense strong feeling always end up same ways right? Sooner or later will burn out.
But the soul connected match grows , and intense passion and desire radiates.. your souls connecting from the core to the top that shakes up your whole being. That’s Love! ! !

August 22, 2016 at 1:58 am #112979

Wolfie
Participant

Thank you, it’s nice to hear. And I’ve heard it before. But I do know that if I’d go the distance with anyone, this is the woman I’d be able to with. All logically though. Sure, I don’t lay and stare at her happily (which has happened twice before) but I enjoy life while I’m with her.

That’s true though… I’m just thinking here… but let’s say we start of with burning hot passion, how big are the chances that continues into something as amazing as this? The thing is, I keep coming back. I feel shit for broken up with her that many times. I don’t think about her all the time, quite rarely actually, but I cannot let her go.

I just can’t tell if it’s friendship or love?

August 22, 2016 at 4:12 am #112981

Inky
Participant

Hi wolfie,

It definitely sounds like a soul connection first, friendship second, and romantic love last.

Is there some deadline on marrying her? Would she ever want or pressure you into marrying her?

If not, then I say enjoy this relationship.

And who knows? You might suddenly find that passion for her if she ever breaks up YOU?

Best,

Inky

August 22, 2016 at 4:46 am #112983

Wolfie
Participant

Hmmm… good point. I’m starting to land in the same area. There’s no pressure at all about marriage. Some with her parents and stuff but not all or nothing. So, good point – lets just enjoy it. And I am also to blame I will admit that I forgot to mention: I’ve ever since we met kept my options open. I should just stop, relax and enjoy it. Who knows, maybe the things will grow.

August 22, 2016 at 4:57 am #112984

Wolfie
Participant

Actually, I’m very confused as well. When I close my eyes and just think of her in front of me and her amazing smile I do feel a longing build up fast. I want to be there.

August 22, 2016 at 8:05 am #112990

Anonymous
Guest

Dear wolfie:

In my effort to understand your mind and situation better, I ask: why did you break up with her three times? Same reason the three times? In what context was the breakup, what was her response each time..?

Is she afraid you will break up with her again?

Is there anything about her you dislike

anita

August 22, 2016 at 8:41 am #112992

Amanda
Participant

If you can live without her, then end it (for good).

Respectfully, it’s doing both of you a disservice to stay in a relationship that isn’t going to work out. I’ve been dragged along before, and I lost all fondness for that boy and the relationship we had. I find that I have the most respect for an ex that told me he wanted to break up, where he thought we went wrong, and we ended it amicably.

August 22, 2016 at 9:12 am #112994

Anonymous
Guest

* Amanda: I just posted a comment for you, an “update”.
anita

August 22, 2016 at 11:43 pm #113050

Wolfie
Participant

Same reason all times, but the thing is that there’s a lot hidden here. I’ve had a rough life, and everyone has left me one way or another which MIGHT be why I run as soon as she starts loving me. Maybe she’s not the one for me, maybe I’m just pushing the right one away. I don’t know. But I’m starting to realise that no one will be able to even give me any help. I have to figure this one out myself. And I gotta let my feelings guide me, not my thoughts.

August 22, 2016 at 11:44 pm #113051

Wolfie
Participant

Btw, the context was me saying I’m not attracted enough and she held on tight every time.

August 23, 2016 at 7:59 am #113056

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Wolfie:

If she is a mentally well woman, loving and calm, then she is indeed incredible and you are very fortunate to have this opportunity to heal yourself from the wounds you brought into this relationship. You can heal in the context of the calm, reliable love from this woman, all along being honest with her about your troubles and letting her share with you about hers.

I wrote above: if she is a mentally well woman. If she is, she still has problems, one of which is that she is deeply involved with a man who suffers lack of adequate attraction to her, a man who is unsure about her being the one. I hope she opens up to you about her feelings about the predicament she is in.

Regarding her not being The One and the concept of soul mates: I don’t believe in these terms, in destiny.

Post anytime.

anita

August 23, 2016 at 1:32 pm #113089

Butterfly
Participant

Absolutely. Couldn’t have said it better myself!
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