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February 23, 2019 at 12:37 pm #281479
malachyParticipantI fell in love from the second I met eyes on him, it’s felt like a million fireworks exploding all over my body…..
I could feel when he was just looking at me. a connection that most people in life never feel.
we fell in love with each other from day 1 but after a couple of months of getting to know each other he told me he was going away to the other side of the world and didn’t know how long for and when he was going to be back.
as heart breaking as that was we decided to stay dating until he went and enjoy the time with each other while we can, but every day the the feelings got stronger and stronger till I realised I’d never loved anyone like it we were meant to be even over my ex husband it the incredible intense and insane, but beautiful .
in the end I ended up pregnant and turned a but nasty because I knew he was still going away. I put my wall up and tried to act like I wasn’t botherd I told him I’d had an abortion so he could still go away. but the truth was that I was planning on keeping his child no matter how selfish that was I needed a piece of him in my life. once he was gone I had a miscarriage…which broke me…
what made it all worse is that before he went his word were “I will always love you and nothing will change that, but, I can’t stay in contact with you, I don’t want you waiting around for me no matter how perfect we are together. I want you to beable to find someone good for you that won’t run away and treat you like a queen”
it’s been a year to this date and even though I message him every now and then on Instagram he reads it but doesn’t reply. I hear the words he said to me daily in my head and dream constaly about him.
I can’t move on I can’t hold down a relationship and just don’t even want to find love anymore and even when someone gets close go cold and shut them out knowing it’s not him.
I’ve begun writing a 3 series book about the whole situation which I know will make closure but how the hell do I let this go it’s making me crazy!!!
I’d been ok for 2 months about and then I watched a programme which had an actor in who was a double and now been crying for hours
please anybody some advice on what to do something that will actually work I’ve tried everything and nothing will work…
thanks xx
February 23, 2019 at 8:40 pm #281491
MarkParticipantmalachy,
It must be very painful to be a lover a man,whose mother of a child you shared with.
I think that is brilliant that you are writing a 3 series book about your experiences. From what I read and heard, this is the best therapy.
Keep it up and let us know how that is progressing.
Hugs,
MarkFebruary 24, 2019 at 1:20 am #281501malachyParticipantthank you so much Mark.
It is a very difficult situation. and that’s why I feel to write a book would only make me feel like everything is off my chest and wil feel like closure. but also I think it would help others to as I would hate to think other people are going through the same.
thanks again! x
February 24, 2019 at 5:44 am #281509
AnonymousGuestDear malachy:
You wrote that you fell in love with him “from the second” you met his eyes, that the two of you fell in love with each other “from day 1”-
-that was emotional/ physical passion, “like a million fireworks exploding all over my body”.
A couple of months after meeting him he told you that he was going away to the other side of the world not knowing for how long and if he was to return to where you are, a plan he had before meeting you, I assume. Did you ask him when he told you about him leaving, did you ask him why he didn’t tell you that when you met, from day 1, two months before?
–if he didn’t tell you his plan from the start, then those two months, however “incredible intense and insane, but beautiful”, were not honest on his part, I am thinking. What do you think?
anita
February 24, 2019 at 9:32 am #281535malachyParticipanthey Anita
Thanks for your thoughts…
they were exactly mine at first as I didn’t react well to this.
but after looking back when we first started speaking we had a conversation about the future and what things we would want to accomplish in life. and one of his was to travel to Australia and work on a farm. he never said when or whether he actually was.
after a few months when he told me I reacted really bad but once I spoken to him he told me, he didn’t realise it would be so soon but the opportunity had arisen and he didn’t want to let it go. I guess if it had been longer the decision would of been to stay and even for a couple of months he was debating what to do. and even though he said he loved me with everything he had. there’s something he has to do before having any commitments.
sometimes I thought that’s bull, but other times I thought you know he’s right.
x
February 24, 2019 at 9:51 am #281539AnonymousGuestDear malachy:
You are welcome.
“the opportunity had arisen and he didn’t want to let it go”, the opportunity was to work on a farm in Australia.
“he said he loved me with everything he had”- I suppose he loved you but Australia was more important to him than being with you. It doesn’t mean he is a bad person, just that he wanted Australia more.
You wrote that when he told you that he was leaving, you “reacted real bad”. How did you react?
anita
February 24, 2019 at 10:25 am #281551malachyParticipanthey Anita
yeah I know and I completely understand his decision I have a child and settled where he wasn’t he was 3 years younger than me and never had a relationship. I believe that he was truly in love with me but I also get that it was very early stages to make such a big choice maybe if the opportunity had came later on input relationship it wouldn’t of happened of how it did..
truthfully I was a bit of a dick lol we went out for several drinks with a group of us and would cause arguments about it. I would cry and blame him. I would act sometimes cold because sort of a wall came up after being hurt badly 4 years ago and never been near man afterwards I sort of got anxious and acted the wrong way. but that was only for about a month before he went away the relationship was for about a year so we did have all the good times while it lasted but then it hit me.
I know I pushed him away at the end but I was trying to get the separation subconsciously and only see now that I did that.
do think about him everyday and usually its just because I hope he is okay andhappy and miss the friendship we also had but there’s the odd times I just feel completely shattered.
x
February 24, 2019 at 10:31 am #281553AnonymousGuestDear malachy:
When we feel emotionally attached to a person and the person goes away, something does shatter, something breaks.
Reads to me that this relationship is in the past. You contacted him in the last year but he didn’t respond to you.
What is next then?
anita
February 24, 2019 at 11:03 am #281561malachyParticipantwriting my book for closure.
and working on achieving my goals
I enjoy being single but I am hoping one day in the future once achieved my goals someone will make me feel like this again as it was beautiful feeling.
thanks for your help Anita x
February 24, 2019 at 12:17 pm #281571AnonymousGuestDear malachy:
You are welcome and I hope you feel better and better. You are welcome to share about your book writing project and about your goals and achieving your goals, anytime you’d like. I hope more members read and reply to you.
anita
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