You are the perfect guy that all the girls fantasize about, but ~ they can’t see it because they don’t expect it! Another thought ~ they’ve spent two decades indoctrinated that a guy is only about sex, so when you don’t chase them that way, they think something is lacking in *them*! Or, at worst, that you like guys. So they are all anxious to get that off the table.

Yeah social media and our culture has really done a number on us. The best you can do is find a girl who grew up in the church as you did and is used to traditional guys. Or for spiritual girls, go to MeetUp.com and find Buddhist discussions or meditation groups to go to. Believe it or not, there is another type of girl out there ~ spiritual, intellectual, communicating. Good Luck!

Hey Blaice. I understand your feelings. It may seem as if this day and age requires people to just be in a relationship right away. But that’s not true. You don’t always have to be in a relationship with someone. The fairy tales and all of those Disney movies we watched growing up may have given us hope, but in the end, you won’t always get a happily ever after. There are main reasons why people want a relationship and sex right away: insecurity, low self-esteem, and that reinforced idea in our world that you have to be someone with someone to be happy.

From what I can hear, my intuition is telling me that you’re hanging out with the wrong people. You should be with a female that saves sex for marriage, given the fact that you come from a religious background. I came from a religious background myself. I am actually relieved that you’re one of those few guys who would want to be waiting for sex rather in rush into it. Rushing into sex just leads to teen pregnancy, or having a baby at a young age, STDs, and the condom can slip off or break. I’m not saying you should FEAR sex, but it can be amazing. That’s why it’s better to wait. Another factor could be that the women who need love and sex right now probably didn’t have a father figure in their lives.

This isn’t your fault. If you stay optimistic, avoid negative people, and find your true love (cliche I know!), then everything will work out for you. Live, laugh, love.

-Aiyana

Blaice,

In addition to Jasmine’s kind hearted words, consider that you seem to have a lot of judgment inside you for others. This is taught to us as protective, but doesn’t actually help us connect with others… walls go up, the gavel comes out, and ick, heartsludge.

Consider a different view. Buddhists often describe self absorption as an afflictive state of mind. Much like a sprained ankle draws our attention to it, a wounded heart calls the mind to tend inward. If someone is thinking about themselves a lot, trying to showcase themselves, prove themselves, its just a limp they carry from old wounds of the heart.

And then along comes the critic, flames alight, blazing women for limping. “Wow, women of today are so fucked up… what’s wrong with them?” Such as “why aren’t they right, correct, old fashioned, like me?” Instead, consider “how can I build a bridge from my heart to theirs?” Said differently, put away the gavel, pull out your heart, and you may just see one stop limping and grow/reveal her wings. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt

Hi Everybody,

I’m R and I’m new in this forums. The reason why I join this forum because I want to be honest and be open with you guys. I don’t know what I have to do here. Let me start it, it happened 2 months ago when I was back to my homecountry and I met this girl from facebook, and her profile is always about her and she’s hot and gorgeous and I know I want to know about her that much and at the end you know something good might happen for both of us. when I met her, everything is so beautiful I mean we can talk and share. But the funny thing I realize that she had a boyfriend but long distance with that guy, and the funny part is we’re still seeing each other and even we can screwed around each other one day and from there seem all the LUST thing is taking control and I don’t know why but I feel so much good with this addiction but I never showed it to her that I’m addicted by her, all this time she’s the one that telling to me that she want me and she addicted to me and I just playing it safe. But one thing that I can’t understand by that time I can control myself totally and I told her we shouldn’t do this and I care about you and I like you not just from the outside but if you still have a relationship with this person why don’t you finished or settle this with him, because I don’t want to live feeling guilty by doing this ang getting more further I mean It’s nice doing this and living in the darkness but I thought at one point I can lead or guide her through my guidance because I don’t want to screw another relationship that I’m gonna have but now the long distance thing already screwed us around it’s been 3 months already from we’ve known each other. because sometimes she can contact me and sometimes she don’t give a damn about it and she told me that she’s sex maniac and a psycho. and you know it’s guy fantasy to be with a psycho girl and also a sex maniac.

please correct me if I’m wrong here but why my body wants this and even my soul feel so good about this? and lot’s of lot’s of my friends telling me that she’s a player and only keeping her option. But when I met her I felt that she’s the one, I mean I don’t know how I can feel like this, but I’m really really desperate here because I live in California and I’m all alone, and I feel like an Alien and got nobody here, even I can make a friend it feels different because I missed all the relationship that has been established in my homecountry with my friend. and now I lost my job because my probabtion is done and that company don’t want to extend my contract, and also I started act stupid by unblock all her social media and contact her again in order get someone be by myside.

but please oh God please my friend here, Help me. I’m thingking about going back to my homecountry just to see her around. I missed her and I need her. and I don’t know why I’m acting like this.