to add, S knows that I am over-extended these days.  She has messaged me very nicely and has told me that I should take all the time to heal that I need, and let her know if I need anything.  She also has put zero pressure on me to attend any of her upcoming pre wedding events in 2020.  A truly understanding good friend.

Thesis:

CC has no time to talk about stuff right now with friends.  She has her husband, her time with her sister when planned. Her work at work, and her work with Anita.  All that combined – no mental space left.  She must own it and not feel guilty

Dear Anita,

Thank you for attempting it in my voice.  I will edit it now and it will be directed towards S as in real life voice speaking to her.

Dear S,

You are kind and great.  In fact the most supportive and loyal friend I have.  You have been more than understanding of what I have been through.  Yet, you are unable to understand it having no background of mental health – and you have said this to me.  Thus, I would like you to know that in the next few months I do not want to chat.  Your chats with me have always been fun, but now I no longer have time for them.  I have a feeling I will never have time for them.

I do enjoy our time in person and catch ups, but no longer have time for “small talk.” When we talk I do like knowing about your growth in your relationship and we talk about that.  And i tell you some things about marriage.  But you will never understand my marriage, as it has a whole over shadowing of this trauma – thus I can not speak openly to you as you simply will not get it.  It is not your fault.

I don’t care to hear about your friends who are flakey or too busy taking selfies.  IT is simply petty and not a good use of time or mental energy.  I don’t care to hear about how your biggest problem is how you were bored all weekend.

No I don’t want free time like you, I never have had this time, and it is not in my nature to have it.  So I can not relate.  I have a feeling after you are married and move in with the guy – you will have far less time.

So therefore, our friendship will not end or change in closeness.  I simply do not have time to chat about the things we did in our 20s.  I have grown – and I am now onto the next chapter.

Farewell, CC and S of the 20s

edit:

I am not judging you, but you are almost 38 years old, and a lot of the things that bother you about daily life are things I dealt with at 25 – and so did my other friends.  I simply can’t relate to those issues anymore.  I am not too good for them anymore, just don’t have space.  I know you will grow and especially after the responsibilities of marriage begin. But things like friends who gossip about you behind your back – and when I tell you that isn’t a great quality in a friend, and your response is: yes but everyone has flaws.  I have no where to go with it.  It reminds me of high school or college, and we are frankly too old for this sort of stuff.  At least I am.  I know at this time – you do have time to deal with these sort of things.  I do not.  I am picky about who I let into my life, and I am not dealing with people who are taking selfies all day when they are with me, or being flakey.  There isn’t time like that in my life.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Cali Chica.

Dear Anita,

No, it is fine that you attempted.  I added an edit above.  Please read and then I will reply.

Dear Anita,

I felt this was honest, as I felt pretty good after writing it – a slight release.  I will add more – hopefully more raw. Here goes:

…

I don’t have time for this BS! for crying out loud you are almost 38 god D*** years old!!! Do you think it is normal to go on a girl trip with someone who takes selfies the whole time? And then if you come back and I say that is kinda odd, you don’t see it as that.  I am not saying your other friends are all immature and flakey – but cmon.

you text me a few weeks ago about a high school friend gossiping about you.  i tell you, as does my sister, at our meeting how that’s odd – and it sounds like that girl is slightly attention seeking.  Your response is, ya well everyone has flaws.

So be it!

If that’s how you think good for you.  But don’t expect me to get that.  At 34 years old these are not my problems! These are childish and petty S, and I simply don’t have mental capacity for them.  I don’t think many people do.  You lack a lot of awareness of how you come off.

You talk so much about saving costs for your wedding, but expect all your guests to pay up to $500 per night.  And your response to this: “it’s their choice, if they don’t want to stay there they can stay at another location not too far.” I can’t relate to this.  I would feel embarrassed to ask my guests to do this.  Therefore, the way we think is very different.  Often it feels like your brain is stuck in college or 20s and mine has gone into the next phases.  Or perhaps it is just the difference in how we think in general.  Not to say I am better than you at all.

Dear Anita,

Guttural:

I don’t have time for your BS.  My life has many more important aspect than yours, including my career – the nature of it, my marriage, and my emotional healing journey. So, no I don’t have time for petty BS that should have been left behind in your 20s.  I am glad you do, but I simply don’t.  Maybe you can’t sense this since you are in your own wold always.  But here it is – I “ain’t” got time for your nonsense honey.

edit: the more I think about it, you consider yourself very smart and mature.  you even say comments like “girls like us” referring to both you and I. S, we are nothing alike.  Frankly,  the more I see this as we get older I don’t think you are very smart at all.  As in emotionally intelligent.  Nice, yes. Kind, yes.  Sharp and aware – no.  Intelligent – no.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Cali Chica.

Dear Anita,

Thanks! Yes! I am done with S.  In fact when I sent her the message on Monday: “long hours for the next 2 weeks” it was my way of saying “phew.”  And as you know I by all means don’t dislike S, but that does not mean all the above is not TRUE.

Next – and I am not sure if you are okay with this – will be addressing my sister…what do you think?

Dear Anita,

Thank you. Yes, I am sending you an email right now.