Hi Caroline

I’m sorry to hear that you had your lowest point a couple of years ago and you are feeling similarly today. I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling angry and hitting yourself. Would you like to talk about what is making you feel this way? No one should be alone when feeling this way. I don’t believe that you deserve to be hit either.

Do you have any things that relax you or distract you? I quite enjoy tv shows because they have a story I can follow and I don’t have to engage my mind. When I need to calm down something with chill vibes and is perhaps funny, something isn’t stressful is a good idea to watch. Music can be helpful too, calming music and a nice candle. Whatever helps to bring you a small measure of comfort. Nothing is too silly. I often grab a teddy. 😊

I was once told that to break habits of self-harm self-love should be used. The idea is to get a lovely strong scented lotion and when you feel the urge to hit yourself use the lotion instead. It seems silly but it does feel strangely empowering to do the opposite of whatever the dark corners of the mind desire.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Caroline

I’m sorry to hear that people tell you no all the time and someone told you that you were wrong and this triggered your feelings.

You don’t sound stupid or wrong to me. You sound like you are in pain.

That is okay if you don’t think tv shows would work right now. You know what is best for you! Good luck with finding a soothing scent.

Do you have any favourite tv shows or movies? Or genres? I’m watching the new season of The Boys at the moment. It is quite fun.

Please feel free to share whatever you like.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

* I recently learned to send emojis using my phone (I don’t know how to make it happen using the computer). I sent the emojis to Helcat, but after sending this message using the computer, I will try to cheer you up, Caroline, by sending you emojis in a following message.

Dear Caroline

I know all too well how it feels to suffer like you do, similar to you: unresolved anger, tormenting.

“not sure how to express it“- if you are still awake, in dim lights, while you sit comfortably in a chair, or in bed, type away your anger: hit the keyboard keys with a bit more force than usual, an angry force, and just let the words jump from out of your head=> the keyboard=> the computer screen.

“I was angry because someone told me I was wrong.  And I was obsessing over people telling me ‘No’ all the time and pointing I was wrong.  I feel like I should just shut up forever because everything I say is stupid and wrong“- everybody says unwise, wrong things sometimes, including the people who pointed to you as unwise or wrong. If ever person who says unwise, wrong things would forever shut up… nobody will be talking.

If you want to share more about what happened recently, and perhaps about things we talked about previously that are connected to your recent experience, please do.

anita

Hi Caroline

Yes, I enjoyed Gen V too. 😊 I have also watched How I met your mother. It is good to have a guilty pleasure. My guilty pleasure is romantic comedies. I used to hate them growing up, now I secretly enjoy them.

I hope that you got some sleep eventually.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Dear Caroline:

I did not re-read any of our previous communication before I replied to you yesterday. I just did a bit of reading and came across a promise I made to you on March 5 this year: “I promise you that if and when you are back, when I respond to you, I will pay close attention to submit posts that are always gentle and kind.”

Your last words before your return yesterday (July 1) was on March 10: “Recently I am not as scared to express that I don’t like something. I wish I could do it more often, it is very freeing. take care“.

Having re-read some of our communication before: I wonder if you visited Italy with your girlfriend, how it was, and about your job that you were struggling with. You don’t have to share of course. Also, I wonder about Emotion Regulation which we discussed, and which is just what you (and all of us) need. I wonder if you followed up on it.

anita