Dear Going Through Life:

I am glad that you feel safe working under your father and that he is guiding you like you always wanted 🙂

Also, I am 🙂 that you are starting to forgive her and yourself, particularly yourself. You deserve peace in your heart and forgiving yourself for all past mistakes while holding yourself accountable for your behaviors today is the way to go.

And I am 🙂 that you are opening yourself to new possibilities.

In regard to one such new possibility, a romantic one with SS’s ex-boyfriend, I’d say- don’t rush anything, go slow, one step at a time. I’m saying this because the fear of being alone and the need for comfort can cause a person to rush: to feel too much, too soon, without getting to know the person well enough. And as a result, to act too soon.

I think that you need a partner who you can trust, particularly one who is very unlikely to cheat on you. Getting to know the person in this regard before investing emotionally too much will be very helpful.

I wonder how he feels about his experience of being cheated on. Talking about it more (if you already talked about it) will give you information in regard to shared values/ compatibility on this important matter.

🤍🌈🌿 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

Got you, in regard to terms of a platonic relationship with SS’s friend’s ex-boyfriend. I hope that a deeper friendship does develop 🙂

You do deserve trust and integrity, and these must be the cornerstones of your relationships, platonic or otherwise!

🤍🌿 Anita

You are very welcome, Going Through Life. No doubt you need someone you can fully trust, we all need such a person in our lives.. someone- however imperfect (no one is)- someone we can trust.

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

Nothing to apologize for, you’ve always been kind and gracious with me, thank you!

I just wish I was able to help in regard to what you are seeking (“Seeking clarity about a relationship”, the title of your thread, different relationship back in Jan 2024, yet still)

Maybe SS is conflicted too. Maybe she is also seeking clarity.

Here’s an exercise that might help at this point, if you agree with me that it might:

In a form of a letter addressed to SS, type away whatever comes to your mind (stream of consciousness writing) in regard to what it is that you are still unclear and conflicted about, tell her exactly what it is. like it is for you (no reason to worry about her response to the letter because she won’t be reading it).

What do you think?

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

I want to put more time into reading and processing your recent post, maybe go back and reread previous posts, and get back to you tomorrow morning.

The imagining her with the other guy, that sounds excruciating. I am wondering.. were you jealous in regard to SS’s sexual activity with previous boyfriend or boyfriends- before she met you?

I am asking because when I was much younger I suffered from such jealousy in regard to a guy’s activity with previous girlfriends, a sort of Retroactive Jealousy. (I think you mentioned something like that before..?) Do you relate to it and if so, when did it start?

I am asking but please feel comfortable to not answer. In whichever case, I will reread posts already submitted and any post you may add Mon morning (it’s Sun early afternoon here).

🤍🌿 Anita

You are welcome, always, Going Through Life! Will get back to you Mon morning (Sun, late night here)

Dear Going Through Life:

Let me see.. there’s SS, then your girlfriend, her best friend, let’s call her B, B’s ex-boyfriend, let’s call him E. The 4 of you went on couple trips together and you formed a close bond with E during those trips.

Next, B cheated on E and SS cheated on you (I don’t know in what order).

Next, you told E that B cheated on him, you broke up with SS, E broke up with B, and you and E’s bond deepened over the shared painful experience of being cheated on.

Next, SS called and said she misses you, then 2 nights ago, she called and texted you excessively—50 times. Her urgency was about B’s panic attacks, triggered by what you told E about B’s cheating.

Is my summary so far accurate? What is it that SS wants from you at this point.. ? Does she want you to tell E that B didn’t cheat on him, or that the cheating was not so bad.. anything like that?

I wonder how you found out that B cheated on E..?

“Yesterday Anita, I felt confident, I felt good about myself and I attracted a really wise, high vibration lady of 78 years old..”-

I like it that you felt confident and good about yourself two days ago. I hope you feel this way more and more often 😊

🤍🌿 Anita