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Seeking clarity about a relationship

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 47 total)
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  • April 29, 2024 at 6:11 pm #432160
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Going Through Life?

    anita

    May 26, 2024 at 2:45 pm #433123
    GoingThroughLife
    Participant

    Hi Anita.

    I’m doing well. Thanks for keeping me in mind. I hope you’re doing really well and still guiding and helping people on this platform. I apologise for not keeping in touch with you. I hope we can keep in contact now. Id like that it you’d like it too
    <p style=”text-align: center;”></p>

    May 26, 2024 at 6:15 pm #433161
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    You are welcome. Yes, please, let us keep in contact. I will write more Mon morning (it is Sun evening here).

    anita

    May 27, 2024 at 10:56 am #433183
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    I re-read through our 3- page communication this Mon morning (Mon night your time, I believe). Any news since you posted last on April 3, following having received EN’s response to your message, saying that she is not interested in friendship?

    anita

    May 27, 2024 at 1:22 pm #433186
    GoingThroughLife
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    It’s kind of you to re-read our whole conversation again. There hasn’t been any news with EN. I still do miss her alot and many times I just think about her. Sometimes I feel like just texting her again out of the blue, but that will be really illogical.

    Apart from that I met someone else. I met her in February before I sent that message to EN. This new person let’s call her SS. She’s nice and sweet and she’s smart too. It’s been going well with her till now but I haven’t come into a relationship with her right now. I’m still thinking about it.

    Apart from that my life has taken a busy turn and I’m much more focused on my goals at the moment.

    Hope you’re doing well Anita.

    Thanks

    May 27, 2024 at 2:00 pm #433187
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    I am doing well, thank you for being as appreciative and gracious as you are!

    “I feel like just texting her again out of the blue, but that will be really illogical“- I agree, that would be illogical.

    “I met someone else… Let’s call her SS. She’s nice and sweet and she’s smart too. It’s been going well with her till now but I haven’t come into a relationship with her right now. I’m still thinking about it“- it’s a good thing (!) that you are not in a rush with SS (an acronym for Sweet & Smart?)

    “Apart from that my life has taken a busy turn and I’m much more focused on my goals at the moment“- I am glad to read that you are focused on your goals, and not rushing into a relationship!

    * On Jan 30, you wrote: “I agree with the fearful avoidant attachment style… when I think someone will love me I will end up pushing them away. I’m scared of that deep commitment“- better approach the prospect of a relationship at a later time, when you are more prepared to manage the challenges of a relationship.

    anita

     

    May 28, 2024 at 11:44 am #433221
    GoingThroughLife
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I agree, that would be illogical.

    Yes, feels like I’m stuck and wanna still say a lot to her.

    I am glad to read that you are focused on your goals, and not rushing into a relationship! Yes, I’m glad about it too, this time I’m much more in control of my feelings.

    better approach the prospect of a relationship at a later time, when you are more prepared to manage the challenges of a relationship. Yes that’s exactly I had in my mind, right now I don’t want to through my attachment issues, I wanna keep myself focused on my goals.

    Thanks

    May 28, 2024 at 12:18 pm #433223
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    You are welcome! I am glad to read that indeed, you want to keep yourself focused on your goas, and not go through attachment issues at this time.

    “feels like I’m stuck and wanna still say a lot to her“- this is an opportunity to journal: to type away all that you want to say to her (privately, or here on your thread).

    anita

    May 29, 2024 at 12:48 pm #433280
    GoingThroughLife
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Yes, goals are important right now.

    To be true in really don’t feel like journalising anything about her. I don’t want to do go through that at the moment, don’t really know why but I don’t.

     

    Hope you’re doing well Anita.

     

    Thanks

    May 29, 2024 at 1:51 pm #433281
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    You are welcome, I’m doing well, thank you!

    “I don’t feel like journaling anything about her. I don’t want to do go through that at the moment, don’t really know why but I don’t“- journaling was an idea that occurred to me, an idea that you are welcome to accept or reject. I am fine with you rejecting any idea that I suggest to you!

    And please post again anytime you feel like it.

    anita

     

     

    Thanks

    May 29, 2024 at 1:54 pm #433284
    anita
    Participant

    * I forgot to edit out your “Thanks” (I always copy an OP’s post into my reply for quotes, and edit out what I don’t use in my quotes)

    May 31, 2024 at 12:04 pm #433356
    GoingThroughLife
    Participant

    Hi Anita, hope you’re well.

    I apologise if I sounded rude, that was not my intention. Journalising is a good idea but I don’t feel like doing it.

    Thanks

    May 31, 2024 at 12:35 pm #433357
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    When you chose to not journal, you didn’t do anything wrong, you weren’t rude to me. So, there is no reason for you to apologize to me.

    In my last post to you, when I wrote that you are welcomed to accept or reject any suggestion I make to you, and that I am fine in either case, I meant it.

    It wasn’t rude of you to not journal; it would have been rude of me if I insisted that you journal, or guilt-tripped you into it, or any such thing.

    I am explaining and stressing this because it is important, that as you are.. going through life, that you don’t go through life guiltily, feeling guilty for making  choices that you have the right to make.

    (Personally, I used to feel so guilty about so many things that I was not guilty of..)

    anita

    June 2, 2024 at 12:10 pm #433380
    GoingThroughLife
    Participant

    Hi Anita, hope you’re well.

    I understand, I also felt /feel guilty a lot of times for some choices that I made, but as I look back it was just me learning and doing my best with the knowledge I had. Thanks for clearing up your point of view in the previous message. I do want to make choices which never leave me feeling guilty.

     

    I have been thinking about breaking up with SS, she’s nice but it’s been some months since we started dating, and I don’t feel such a strong connection, it’s nice and non toxic but it’s not that strong. I still miss EN a lot and I want a connection like I had with her. That may take some time to find, but I hope it’ll come my way when I’m ready.

    EN and I spoke over normal calls for 4 months and I fell in love with her by just those talks, her brain, her way of thinking and etc. It was never just about how beautiful she is. I know I may be rambling on about her but I’m deeply confused about what went wrong. At one moment she expressed her feelings and in another moment she just let me go. I don’t want to make the wrong choice again about breaking up with SS and then feel guilty although I feel breaking up is the right thing to do.

    What are your thoughts on this Anita?

    Thanks

    June 2, 2024 at 12:49 pm #433382
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    “What are your thoughts on this Anita?“- I may have more thoughts Mon morning (it’s Sun early afternoon here), but for now, I am thinking that maybe your strong emotional connection to EN has to do with the fact that she is unavailable (she told you that she has a boyfriend), so it feels safe to long for someone unavailable. On the other hand, SS seems available, and it is scary to be in a real, ongoing relationship. You can let me know your thoughts about this, and I will return to you tomorrow morning.

    anita

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