Dear Friend Shookie:

I hope that you slept better last night?! “I called him and we spoke for a while and decided to meet at a restaurant.  When I got there he said he wasn’t really hungry and he lived a few miles away & would I like to come by & talk“- lured by false pretense are the words that come to my mind. He offered to buy you a meal at a restaurant (a public place) with the intent to not deliver, and instead, to lure you to his private home so to take something away from you.

“I didn’t see any harm so I went…  he kept trying to hold my hand and touching my hair.. he said he..  had an attraction to me which gave him an erection“- I mentioned above that he intended to take something away from you; that something he intended to take away from you was the use of your body for his sexual pleasure.

“Why do men do such things?“- of the many men who do such things (not all do), they do it so to use women’s bodies for the men’s sexual pleasure. Some men are willing to pay for it (directly as in prostitution, or indirectly as in paying for dates with the intent to have sex afterwards); others skip the paying part altogether.

“I know girls that sleep with men only because they felt an obligation because they paid for their meal, or they thought the man had money and will sleep with them thinking they may get some type of security from the guy“- the same old exchange, as old as the bible: money/material goods for sex.

“Being old fashion, I want to be courted and respected… It takes a good 6 months or longer to really know someone“- I would bypass the whole courting stage (a euphemism for the exchange of money for sex perhaps), and go straight to getting to know each other as two equal humans who need and deserve to not be misused or abused.

“If a man tries to get emotionally involved on the first date“- I recently paid attention to the term Love Bombing. very well health. com/ love bombing (Feb 2022): “‘Love bombing’ refers to behavior patterns where, at the beginning of the relationship, a partner showers the other with over-the-top attention and affection…  They’re already talking about introducing you to their family. They’re showering you with gifts. They might even be starting to say ‘I love you.’…  If we think about the development of relationships, they’re built on a series of interactions and connections, ruptures and repairs... The problem with love bombing, Steele added, is that it doesn’t leave time for that development. Rather, it’s a projection of a bond that doesn’t yet exist...

“There are at least two major reasons why people love bomb: Because of a conscious desire to manipulate, or due to unconscious… someone with an insecure attachment style may love bomb in an effort to ‘secure’ the relationship quickly, out of fear the partner will abandon them.. On the other hand, someone with a more avoidant attachment style may love bomb to feel in control over the level of intimacy. But once the partner reciprocates, they may feel overwhelmed by the closeness. Then, they may begin to resent them and push them away, leading to what Steele calls the ‘flipside’ of love bombing: ghosting”- interesting!

“I have no past boyfriends I would want to date again… I feel so disappointed in people these days. Too much deceit and entitlement is what I feel from people. Maybe it’s me?“- there’s a lot of deceit and entitlement, male entitlement is what we discussed here. Was your father the only man you’ve ever known who was not deceitful and entitled?

anita

Dear Shookie:

I don’t know if you are following the activity on your thread, being that it’s been almost seven months since your last, unanswered post. If you are reading this and would like to communicate again, please let me know.

anita

Dear friend Shookie:

I am happy to receive your message, so glad to read from you again! During the more than six-months of my absence, I’ve been busy working outdoors, but still following the activity on the forums here as a guest (not a participant) and learning from it. I am back as a participant, but still busy outside working the land (apple orchards, corn fields.. cutting the invasive blackberries and more).

“Once you respond back, I will tell you more“- please do tell me more…?

anita

Dear Shookie, My Friend:

Your two posts today are making my day! So good to read that you truly moved on, having a true friendship with this man, and nothing but friendship. You are a woman of integrity: you mean what you say and say what you mean, and your actions and words are congruent.

Your house was hit by lightening only four days ago? Amazing, my goodness! Did it ever happen before (I wonder if it’s one of the extreme weather events plaguing the U.S and the world at large)?

Good to read that your babies are all doing well, that Stash is acting like a kitten again, and that you found a good home for Blu. You’ve always been very dedicated to your babies, very caring.

“I will touch base again tomorrow & tell you more~ Good afternoon My Friend“- good afternoon to you too, Shookie, a pleasure talking to you again.

anita

Dear Shookie, My Friend:

“The tree is mine & he says it’s his.  When he gets back it will belong to the wildlife“- are you afraid a bit of the neighbor’s reaction when he finds out that you cut the tree he claims to be his (partly on his property?) Or are you more afraid of another lightening?

“I have many nests for the animals which have been since before my mother passed.  I have seen several red foxes & their kits.  Two mama skunks with her babies…  I have a deer feeder, which of course, the mean neighbor does not like.  It’s my property. … I prefer animals over most people… I Love Stash, Izzy and Takeda so much.  Since I stopped letting them go outside they have turned into Luv bugs“-

My little study this Mon morning- From better help. com/ people who love animals more than people (I am adding the boldface and italic features):  “In this article, we’ll take an in-depth look why it sometimes feels like we care more our pets more than our next-door neighbors…Spending time with a pet has been found to lower blood pressure, reduce stress hormones, and release chemicals that trigger relaxation even when there’s a lot on your plate. As mentioned, pets also increase social support, which has been found to improve cardiovascular, endocrine, and immune function. Overall, pet owners are just healthier (both physically and mentally) than those who don’t own pets”!
<p dir=”ltr”>From being human. org/ what do you call a person who loves animals more than humans: “1. Animals give us unconditional love. They don’t care about our flaws or mistakes; they love us just as we are.  Whether a dog wagging its tail or a cat purring on our lap, their affection for us is pure and genuine. This kind of love and devotion is hard in human relationships. 2. They are very appreciative… for even the smallest acts of kindness.  Be it a treat, a gentle touch, or spending time together, they often display gratitude and respond with affection and happiness… 3. Animals don’t judge you. They don’t care about our social status, wealth, or appearance… 4. Innocence and Simplicity…They have a purity and naivety that is refreshing in today’s complex and often cynical world… 5. Unlike humans, animals aren’t always asking for something. They don’t have hidden agendas or ulterior motives. They are content with simple pleasures like food, shelter, and love. And this can be attractive to individuals who find relief in relationships without constant requests or obligations.  6. They protect us…The protective nature of animals can create a deep sense of trust and reliance, leading to a preference for their company over humans. 7. Animals are gentle... From a kitten’s soft purr to a rabbit’s warm snuggles, animals have a calming presence that can make even the most stressful day disappear.  Animals often exhibit kindness, tenderness, and a lack of malice, which appeals to individuals seeking peace and harmony. 8. They are loyal. Loyalty is something many people cherish and look for in relationships. Animals, particularly pets, are known for their unwavering loyalty… 9. Animals can calm us down. The presence of animals has a calming effect on human beings. Interacting with animals, petting them, or simply being in their company can reduce stress and promote relaxation. 10. Lack of Expectations. Human relationships often come with a set of expectations and complexities. In contrast, relationships with animals are often more straightforward”.</p>
<p dir=”ltr”>I’d like to be more of these things (words taken from the above article): to love people just as they are, with no preference for some over others because of social status, wealth and appearance; to express pure and genuine, innocent and simple affection, to be straightforward (to have no hidden agendas or unexpressed motives, no demands…  no unnecessary complexities when interacting with people); to be appreciative for the smallest acts of kindness; to find contentment in the simple pleasures of life; to protect others and be loyal, to promote the trust of others; to be gentle, kind, and tender; to promote peace and harmony (no malice); to have a calming effect on people.</p>
Back to your recent post: “I am learning to appreciate the life I had growing up instead of thinking about just getting older.  I realized I had the best parents I could have asked for & an exciting life and fun jobs…  Memories stay with you forever & it makes me so happy.  I hope you are happy and doing well“- it makes me happy to read that you are happy. Your happiness promotes my own!

anita

Dear Shookie: I will read and reply Wed morning, have a good Tues night!

anita