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Scared to make massive career change

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  • #56260
    Leila
    Participant

    Firstly, I apologize for the length of my post! I need some outside input because I’ve been thinking about this for so long I’m just getting confused.

    I’ve been in this career ‘situation’ for over a year now and I finally realize that something has to change. I’m unhappy with my job, I have no interest in what I do, I don’t aspire to have my boss’ job and I get this awful feeling every morning, thinking ‘I don’t want to go to work…’ I’m a lawyer and have worked in law for 7 years, got a job straight out of university. I never liked studying law, never had a passion for it, I don’t know why I even went to law school. I’ve worked in 2 different law firms, the government and now work in-house. Each time I thought it was the environment I didn’t like so I kept changing jobs. But about a year ago, it finally dawned on me that it’s me who’s not suited to the law and sitting behind a desk for 9-10 hours a day. I’m pretty good at it, it pays well and as far as a job can be secure, my job is one of them. But I just cannot do this anymore. I’m depressed, irritable, tired, bored. I feel like my work has no purpose, I just don’t care about it. Thinking of spending the next 30/40 years doing this, just kills me.

    When I was 19 I picked up photography and have loved it ever since. Sometime during the last year I made a decision to pursue wedding photography. I just love being able to capture real moments, emotions, family relationships, all in beautiful pictures. I don’t feel depressed when I’m out taking pictures, it just comes so effortlessly. I started a business a few months ago and have already shot one wedding! The day was just amazing, I was nervous beforehand but on the day it all came together. I was so happy at the end of it, I couldn’t believe that I still had happiness in me.

    But, building a wedding photography business takes time, at least two years until it can pay the bills. I am ok with this (and also ok with the real possibility that it may not even work out in the end). It’s just that I cannot spend another day in law. Spending another two/three years in the office job while building my business on the side is unimaginable. I will go insane and I really don’t want my health or relationship to suffer.

    So I have been doing more thinking. Wedding photography is a short lived career for most photographers, so I feel like I need another career path alongside photography that I will enjoy and one that I can turn to if photography doesn’t work out. I was very good at art (painting) and I still remember my final year of high school when I mentioned to my parents that I wouldn’t mind going to university to study visual art. That was quickly forgotten as they told me ‘art is a hobby, you can do art in your free time.’ Lately I’ve been thinking of enrolling in an art education degree to qualify as an art teacher. I feel this is the perfect thing for me. I can do photography on the side but also enjoy my day job.

    This seemed like a fantastic idea until I learned that to qualify to teach art I need to go back to university for 4 years! I’m 31 and so I’d be 35 when I finish. I will have to work part time while studying and 4 years of making just enough money to live on seems so long. I also have to move to another state to do this, and it’s more expensive to live there.

    But with all that, I just know, deep down, that I cannot continue the way I have been.

    Sometimes my job is ok and during these small moments I question all these plans.

    I am scared that things won’t work out, I’m worried that after all is said and done I will have regrets when I see my friends earning the big bucks and I’ll still be on a junior teacher’s salary. I’m worried that if things don’t work out I’ll have to go back to law (and it might be hard to get a job after such a hiatus). I’m worried that I have wasted 13 years studying and working in law only now to change to something that doesn’t pay as well. I’m also worried that I won’t be able to find a part time job because of my qualifications and experience… Worried, worried, worried!!!

    I’ve been pondering on this for more than a year and it’s time to do something. Deep down I want to make a change but fear is telling me it’s a bad idea. Fear tells me it’s better to stay. It tells me ‘hey, it’s not so bad and look at the money you’re making…”

    Does anyone have any advice to give me? How do you chose between something stable that earns you a nice living and pursuing something that may or may not work out and in the end pay less??

    Thanks 🙂

    #56268
    Matt
    Participant

    Leila,

    Its an interesting puzzle you offer, and I can understand the tastelessness of a career that doesn’t align with our heart. Money is an odd system, pushing many beings into paths to sustain a life, but ends up consuming it. So busy working that hours, days, and lifetimes pass by without joy, without seeing the dreams of the heart blossoming. But don’t despair, dear sister, there is always a path to joy.

    Consider that your passion isn’t money (which you know), or career (which you know), its tied into your empathy. Those pictures are beautiful memories, snippets and moments of joy and love. Of course that would be deeply, richly nourishing to your inner artist. She longs to express, to connect, to create, and sitting behind a desk pushing papers around in a world of politics and legalities can’t compete.

    I wonder though, is law the problem or is the cases you’re working? I see lawyers that are self serving, making their mark through financial gain, political maneuvers, and self centric focus… but I also know many that use their knowledge and abilities for the benefit of others. The former end up miserable, or at least with a fragile happiness. The latter grow a joy that is unshakable.

    Its your path, and a photographer, a lawyer, a teacher… none of those will bring you the peace you’re seeking. Its in the heartfelt pouring to others, the connecting, the giving that brings those dreams to life. Said differently, what medium you use to offer your love to the world is not as important as keeping your eyes open for opportunity to connect, help, grow.

    Consider a different approach to your day. Instead of “where do I want to go with my life”, consider looking around for a need, and try to help meet that need. Small things, big things, it doesn’t matter. Here and now, your heart pulses with the yearning to create something beautiful, and it doesn’t matter if its planting a flower bulb, defending the downtrodden, taking a picture, enrolling in school… it only matters that you listen to that inner hope, and follow it home. Namaste.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #56292
    Aster
    Participant

    I guess that you will have to let go of attachment to money. In some ways I am in a similar situtaion. I carry out work that I do not really enjoy and fail to pursue that which will fulfil me. I am trying to change that and I feel I am at a pivotal point. When I am dying I hope not to have regrets. If not now …when? no time will ever be good and becoming truely yourself is priceless.

    I have been self employed for 17 years and money is a funny thing it appears when you need it. Some years I have made very little and other years plenty but I strive to have the same quality of life in every year. I never really have money but always have enough.

    #56314
    Somu
    Participant

    Dear Leila,

    Life is too short not to take risks 🙂 if you objectively think “what is the worse that could happen?” And follow your heart, everything will be fine. Money is important to sustain yourself. Have you thought of saving a year’s income for paying bills and then taking that year to follow your passion, who knows, you may never go back to law. Now, if you are not able to create a life of your dreams, you can always come back and get a job or become an independent consultant. I pray a lot when I am stuck and then let it go. Inadvertently the answer shows up – read “the power of the subconscious mind – by Joseph Murphy”. Hope that helps!

    Keep smiling,

    #56388
    Leila
    Participant

    Thank you all for the responses, you have all given me things to think about. Matt, I read your post with a lot of interest. I have never really thought about what it is that really motivates me, as opposed to what sort of a ‘job’ I want. Your words have opened my eyes to another side of things so thank you very much for that. Aster, your first sentence really hit home. I do think that worries about money and being financially secure are at the root of my fears. You then say you never really have money but always have enough, I think I need to understand that it will be ok, whatever I choose to do. And Somu, knowing that life is too short has in fact started me on this journey. You suggest I save a year’s income and give things a go, I actually have already done that but my fear is great (i.e. losing money). Again, this is my attachment to money. I think I will need to learn to value life and happiness above money.

    I think I am closer to making the changes I have been thinking about and reading all of your thoughts, and other posts and articles on this website, is really giving me the boost to, for once in my life, do something I want to do for me. Thanks guys!

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