Hopelessdreamer,

You’re receiving some valuable advice and tips from Stephen. A guy’s perspective is always so important! I’d also like to acknowledge your level of self-awareness. That is so important in moving forward successfully! What kinds of practices or exercises do you or have you done to explore your feelings about your self? Do you currently take part in any self-care practices that nourish, honor, and acknowledge who you are as an individual and your worthiness?

Get out of your comfort zone, definitely! At the same time, begin some personal development work to dissolve and transmute your fears. Different practices like journaling, emotional freedom technique (EFT) and affirmations are all great places to start.

Much love my friend,
Paula

Hey hopelessdreamer (you’re only 23, nothing is hopeless! lol…not meant to critique, just saying that you have a lot of time on your side) 🙂

I don’t know if this story is of any use, but I will share on the chance that it might be. I am 43, have been married for 18 years but have been with my husband since I was 16, so that means 27 years together. When we met, we went out for a bike ride a couple of times as friends (although I knew already that I liked him as more). Anyway, to make a long story short, he asked me at least three times if he could kiss me (being the gentleman I suppose) and each time I froze up and got that weird feeling in my chest that you described. I think it was the third time when I finally realized that if I didn’t do something fast, I was going to seriously send the wrong signal and blow everything. He asked, I hesitated and finally I blurted out “Just do it!”. He did, it was amazing and it was basically ‘happily ever after’ from that moment on. I still don’t know why I was so hesitant, (I think his mustache and my limited kissing experience had something to do with it…lol).

Anyway, the point of my story was that despite my panic stricken state, I pushed past it and seized the opportunity…an opportunity that eventually produced a relatively happy life shared together, common goals and dreams and 3 beautiful children to nurture together. Sure I can stop to wonder what might have happened if I hadn’t pushed through that moment…but really, why would I want to?

Start with the guy whose cell phone number you have. Send him a brief message and confess to him that you think he’s cute but you are super shy (I may be wrong here, but I see nothing wrong with putting a gentler label on your insecurities). Ask him if there’s any chance that he might be interested in helping you, as a friend, to come out of your shell a bit. See where that goes.

Yes, I confess it will require a particularly large leap of faith on your part into that scary place, but if he doesn’t respond, pick yourself up and try again (he wasn’t worth the effort in the first place), but whatever you do, don’t give up…keep moving forward even when it’s scary. You have nothing to lose by asking others to help you a little bit. Once you have had a little bit of practice, it will get easier.

Oh, and just a word of advice, if you meet a gentleman who asks you if he can kiss you, leap hard again and then hold on!

Hopeless dreamer, you’ve received such good comments from everyone.

I don’t know your background but I hope that the perspective I offer helps in some way.

Another perspective is that what you’re feeling is pure and utter roller-coaster-thrilling excitement.

The kind you get when you are young and later when you’re a satisfied, middle-aged woman with your life’s dream around you, you look back and smile at the thrilling highs and lows of the emotions that proved to you that life flows through your veins.

It’s a beautiful feeling and you’re only scared because it’s so powerful and you want it so much that the fears are amplified. (If the guy was a dork or someone sitting squarely on the average line, you’d have tons of confidence texting him).

Enjoy the feeling! As paradoxical as it seems, this feeling is something you will treasure 🙂

PS: I’m conscious that I’m kind of transferring my experience here because me and hubby have been together 26 years and I still remember how scared I was in those early days. And the trauma when we broke up to focus on exams and the heady exhiliration of getting back together.

My point is, you’re going to have emotions and some are going to ride you the way the sea rides a fishing boat.

Coach yourself with self-awareness and all the other great skills to keep you strong and stabilised and just feel the fear and do it anyway.

PPS: Being “late in the game” is more in your head than it is in his. It’s not a negative.