Relationship advice: kinda dig myself into a hole he

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This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 9 months ago by Inky.

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March 2, 2018 at 11:29 pm #195763

Annya
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Hello all, I need a bit of advice.

There is a really sweet guy in one of my courses who had asked me out about a month ago. This was the first time that this happened to me and I wasn’t aware until I arrived back home. I’m just a really oblivious and awkward person.

He and I had chatted for the class and he had sat next to me, then had after the class had asked me what I was doing now. I ended up saying the wrong thing without really thinking, I was pretty nervous, and told him that I was going home. I forgot to mention that I had a really important assignment to finish. Then I just made things worse by asking if he was heading home too. We then walked down the hallway,. It got even worse as at this moment one of my friends saw me in the hallway and ran up to talk to me. I’ve got ADHD so I can get distracted pretty easily. By the time I turned around he was already gone.

I got a chance to talk to him a bit before our course the week after, it was just some small talk about the weekend. He seemed really nervous and I felt really bad. I probably should have made a move at this point and asked if he wanted to get a coffee after class, but this slipped my mind.

The next day I was walking on the subway and was not paying attention as usual when I almost walked into him. At first I did not recognize him as he didn’t have his glasses. But we both kept on walking.

I see him twice a week for our course and we do not talk much, usually just about the class (always before the course starts) but still sit next to each other. I have tried to wait until after the class to see if he wants to go get a coffee, but he always bolts out quickly before I have a chance to talk to him.

I just feel really bad and guilty, had I not messed up on the first day he probably wouldn’t have felt hurt by me. I’m just lost as to how I can fix this situation, or if I have dug myself into a hole that is too deep and should just give up. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have.

If anyone has any advice for this whole conundrum it would be very much appreciated!

March 3, 2018 at 1:51 am #195771

foofoobunny
Participant

Hi Annya!

Please don’t beat yourself up too much. You didn’t mean to hurt him!

He might have thought that you weren’t interested that’s why he chooses to bolt nowadays. If you really like him and/ or care about him, just try to reach out to him (tell him you need to talk to him right before class starts, so he won’t run straight out afterwards) and explain what happened in the way that you explained here.

Hope it works out!

March 3, 2018 at 3:39 am #195787

Eliana
Participant

Hi Annya,

I always feel honesty is the best policy, and I am sure he would understand if you told him, you really wanted to, but you were caught off guard, nervous that day, distracted by your friend and that you would really enjoy getting a cup of coffee with him and going somewhere to talk. If the place you most often see him is in class, or before class, I would ask him then, or give him your phone number and ask him to call you as you would still be interested in meeting, and you are sorry about what happened the first time. If he is an understanding man, I am sure he will appreciate your honesty. The reason he is darting out of class, is because he might be feeling awkward after being rejected.

March 4, 2018 at 4:45 am #195833

Inky
Participant

Hi Annya,

A simple confession of “I’m bad at this” covers a lot of ground.

Just say you get anxious in impromptu/sudden situations and you always seem to come off the wrong way. That you hope he didn’t misread you. That that wasn’t your intention! (At this point he should be comforting you, No, of course not! Don’t worry about it!) Then tell him you’re going to get coffee and does he want to come along.

Good Luck!

Inky

March 4, 2018 at 7:39 pm #195899

CBD
Participant

Hi Annya,

i think you might be overthinking. How do you know if you hurt him? You say you are awkward (we all are in certain situation) but he may be a bit shy and awkward too. If I were you I wouldn’t worry about it and ask him to go get coffee next time you see him. If you are afraid he’ll bolt too quickly ask him before class…or go all grade school on him and pass him a note that simply says “wanna get coffee? I guess what I’m saying is dont make this more difficult than it is. I have agonized over things far too often and then took a shot at it and all turned out and I wondered why I agonized in the first place. Just ask him, if he says yes great, if he says no then you can forget about and move on…im betting you’ll get yes. GO FOR IT!
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