I genuinely never thought I would find a post that resonated so much with my situation. I was/am exactly like Elle – I was in one of the darkest places of my life, for me, I was so stressed about climate change (I’m in environmental studies) and felt so hopeless all the time. This translated to my relationship where I prioritized literally everything above him, because I was so lost, unhappy, that I felt I needed to get a grip on my life by giving less to someone else. I think I was in desparate need of feeling complete and confident in who I was as a person and needed to let go of my relationship as I felt like I was constantly falling short and not giving enough into it when he was. I was so relieved initially, but then I went into a horrendous month of non-stop crying and being so extremely depressed without him. (It was because about a week after our mutual breakup I asked to get back together and he said no, something I thought would never happen). After that month, I genuinely felt ok – I felt at peace, I was like ‘ok, this is good, I have my life, I can do what I want and focus on myself.’ And now with the Corona quarantine… all I have now is time to think and I was so shocked by my feelings of regret and longing for this specific person. I’ve realized a lot of unhealthy patterns I had in my past and have been literally acheing to reach out to this person to talk and reconcile. I’m hesitant because I know he doesn’t want contact, it’s been almost 4 months and he has never reached out. What I think I’m going to do, is take a bit more time (yes, I signed up for a mindvalley class that helps you “consciously uncouple”), really understand the breakup and what happened, my part in things, and hopefully after all those things I will have clarity on whether I just want to apologize for my part in things, or ask to reconcile. The hardest part is being faced with rejection, that this person still does not want you back, but I know that decision would be for the best and I could live with it knowing I was as vulnerable, honest, and open as possible.

What are people’s thoughts when they are wanting to reach out to their ex so badly? I’ve cried so much about it, it hurts so much to be without this person, but I know I need to do a bit more work on understanding myself and what happened before I reach out, otherwise it wouldn’t be fair to that person.

Wow what incredible timing to be finding this thread. I’ve never googled relationship regrets, and here is a post started 4 years ago that has just recently been reactivated! I relate so much to so many of your stories. Mine sounds a bit crazy as my relationship was only a few months long and I ended it over 3 years ago. Similar to Elle, he was so good to me, we got along very well, had the same interests, morals, and values. However I  was always questioning  the relationship and felt he was more into it than I was. I was in a point in my life where I wanted to travel and work and not be tied down and we just weren’t in the same place.

It took me almost a year to realize I regretted my decision of breaking up, but usually I’ve been able to put it out of my head and move on. I  was just recently thinking about him and checked his instagram, and saw that he is now engaged. For the last few days I can’t stop crying and have ever felt regret like this before. I feel like I’ll never find anyone like him again and am so angry with myself for not seeing all the good things we had at the time.

I tend to get very irritable in relationships and I don’t know why. Very similar to Brynna I am also an environmentalist and get very depressed over the state of the world. Once I’m in the comfortable stage of a relationship, I tend to pay less attention to my partner as I am too busy dwelling with other stuff.

Anyway, maybe it’s this quarantine that has everyone remeniscing, but it’s so strange to suddenly be so hurt and feel so much loss over someone I broke up 3 years ago.

It is giving me some relief reading everyone’s stories and knowing I’m not the only one going through this. Also hearing how others have healed and it can happen. Im sure the decision to break up at the time was the right one, but it’s hard convincing yourself that during a time like this when everything in life is so uncertain.

* Dear Al: I read your post and would like to read your update on your new life when you post it here. You are also  welcome to start your own thread if you want to communicate with members outside this thread.

anita

Oh God this is me. I literally broke up with him 6 hours ago. And I’m already hurting. Except I don’t think I can ask for him back ever. He’s been in love with me for 5 years but I only started dating him about 6 months ago. The first few months were great. He treated me like a queen. But then I don’t know what happened, I just stopped feeling the same way. I would look for excuses to not talk to him, I would actively avoid him, and then yesterday I simply couldn’t tell him I loved him without feeling guilty. But literally 6 hours after having a difficult break up with him, I find myself missing him so much it’s hurting. Did I take a rash decision? Did I mess up a good thing? I can’t imagine being in the headspace I was in last night when I couldn’t stomach the thought of saying I love you. Or is this just me being lonely?

Either way, I know I do not have a chance of getting him back. I rejected him once a few years ago and he did not take it well at all so his friends got super protective. Then I started dating him again and he was so happy, but now I have dumped him again. I know already that I want to get back, but I don’t think it will last. I am all over the place. It’s so much pain.

Elle

Hi I know it’s been a while, but as i read your story i couldn’t help but connect. i recently in fact 3 days ago, just broke up with my boyfriend of eight months. our relationship was perfect, he was perfect and honestly i was happy but not in the way i wanted to be. As dumb as it sounds i wanted to feel free and i felt like i couldn’t get that if i was with him despite him always supporting what i wanted to do. i felt like i had outgrown the relationship, and i just couldn’t picture him in my future and i knew that he deserved to be with someone who wanted what he wanted, a future. so i broke up with him. i think it’s safe to say i not only blindsided him but myself too. i didn’t even plan to do it i just did.  i barley understood what i was doing it felt like i had just shattered everything to pieces in a matter of seconds. i wanted to die.

now the part where the story differs is my age i’m 16, and he was my first relationship and my first love. now all i can feel is regret and sadness, not only do i not know how to handle a break up in general let alone one i’m already regretting. he was a great person and i really did love him and it hurts me so bad to see how much i hurt him. every night i lay awake in bed missing him and all the little things we did. our breakup was so sudden and i keep wishing i never broke up with him and we could just be happy together. i know young first relationships almost never last forever and i’ll find someone new eventually but i really truly love him and i am in so much pain thinking i just threw away the most perfect relationship id ever have. so please just anybody tell me i will be ok that this will pass, because i just wanna feel happy again.

This story touched me so deeply because it resonates what I’m going through right now and I have never felt so utterly hopeless and desperate and depressed than I do this moment.

I cannot type this without crying, but I broke up with my best friend; someone I had loved for 2 years before he even asked me on a date. He had dated someone before me, which was one of the most difficult periods of my young life, hurt that he saw something in her before he saw something in me, now the pain is a million times worse knowing I inflicted it when I broke up with him and I severely regret it. He is on my mind literally 24/7, I attempted to rekindle the relationship and he replied that he thinks that we will never be able to get back together, he constantly felt as if he was losing me and things were never just “easy” when, to some extent they should be.

I had been fine up until he said these things, because on some level I had held out hope that he would just return to me once I confessed to making a mistake a few weeks ago breaking up with him. But he is far more rational than I am, and I doubt his faith in his response will only strengthen; he will not doubt and come running back to me. Why would he? Would I if he had broken up with me?

I completely regret everything, I wish I could go back in time and unsay everything. The reasons for the breakup were that I was constantly unsure of wanting to be in the relationship, and essentially wanted to spare him of my uncertainty, though I did love him and still do, extremely. I know he still loves me, in a way that makes it worse, I feel so much guilt I cannot sleep and I am crying several times throughout the day; my life just isn’t functioning anymore. I do hope time is a healer, because at the moment it feels like I just destroyed the only thing that could have made me happy.