Home→Forums→Relationships→Recovering from narcissistic abuse how do i leave!!!
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September 13, 2018 at 1:04 pm #225607
Jezz
ParticipantAnita and all: feel free to comment on anything i post!!! i was only putting names to remember which post i was responding to. I appreciate your feed back and constructive criticism. Sometimes hearing unbiased perceptions from those who have not seen face to face what i have been thru it helps. I never really looked at it as i am protecting my daughter from ” a man” and you are right, this is not coparenting. He simply uses her as a bait to see if he can reel me back in. Even our shared visits are usually filled with him begging me to return and how we could all be a happy family. It is so sick how the wiring in my brain literally pulls me back into those feelings!!!!I have to remind myself of all the horrible things i have suffered because of him!!! He recently had the nerve to tell me he was not responsible for all the physical abuse he did because “i hit him first in the relationship” and ” he has scars too” Mind you this hit he is talking about is me scratching and pushing him in the first three months we were dating because he hugged some other girl and said he was leaving with her and his friends at a cook out. the alcohol did not help either. Now even though i was physically aggressive with him at this time, he certainly did not sustain any black eyes and hemorrhaged conjunctiva, loss of hearing of elbow fractures like he has given me. And as sick as this justification was, I found myself actually thinking about my responsibility in MY ABUSE!!. I have been trying to make attempts at paying debts and getting my credit back together as he bled me financially dry but it is so hard!!!All these debts we accrued and he will have no part in resolution and is currently fighting me because he is facing eviction. He expects me to pay his rent!!!!! Saying that it was the bills i accrued when me and MY kids lived there!! Sick!! I just want to escape him!!! No contact does not work because he is a stalker!!!
September 14, 2018 at 4:50 am #225657Anonymous
GuestDear Jezz:
You wrote: “this is not co parenting”. And so, if he is not parenting her, then he really is not her dad. He is biologically her father, the man who’s sperm united with your egg, that is all.
“the wiring in my brain literally pulls me back into those feelings!!!”- yes, this is how our brains work. We feel certain things even if they don’t make any sense. This is why we need to remind ourselves of what does make sense, of what reality is (“I have to remind myself of all the horrible things I have suffered because of him!!!”
Regarding you “scratching and pushing him”, that does not make you responsible for him hitting you. But notice this: it does not make you responsible for him not being your daughter’s dad, for him using her as a bait, for him being financially irresponsible and dishonest.
I hope that you do your best to have no contact with him whatsoever and that you involve the police and keep a record of what he does to you, so to build a case against him, you may need to use such a record in a future court hearing.
anita
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