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Rebuilding myself from the ground up

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  • August 5, 2013 at 3:46 pm #39770
    Matt
    Participant

    Linds,

    Yes, everything is in cycles. Seed to fruit to seed to fruit. Autopilot is when we eat the fruit randomly or forcibly, such as waking up sad and not setting the sad down (such as doing sitting meditation). Then we seed it. Mindfulness allows us to set down the cycles that lead to suffering, and invigorate the cycles that lead to liberation. Said differently, when we accept that we propagate the cycles, we become skillful at working with them, and become conscious creators.

    Then its trial and error, learning and playing with our experience to yield fruits of peace, joy and love.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    August 7, 2013 at 10:54 pm #39948
    Sassypants
    Participant

    Thanks Matt for all of your effort that goes into this site and all of your responses to the endless questions. You inspire me.

    I’m feeling very restless and anxious tonight. It’s past my bedtime and I lay hear awake with anger. I’ve tried to tell myself it’ll pass, but it’s fueling inside… Just had to vent. I woke up missing the ex today, wrote about it and burned it. I am trying to be patient with myself, I can see I’m extremely impatient today along with my anger. Just frustrated that it’s a constant battle of progress then regression or up 5 stairs back 2. Get it? Thanks for listening.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by Sassypants.
    August 8, 2013 at 9:44 am #39971
    Sassypants
    Participant

    Having a hard time overcoming my emotions today… I’m extremely sad. I’m going to force myself to go do yoga soon to see if that helps. Having some friends over later too. Why do I want to contact him out of a place of sadness? He will only tell me he’s in a better place without me and that I didn’t do what he needed and that he needs to go explore his options. Nothing will change. It doesn’t matter that I miss him. I want him out of my heart and mind! Feeling like this sucks!

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by Sassypants.
    August 8, 2013 at 9:25 pm #40027
    Matt
    Participant

    Linds,

    I’m sorry that its been a little rough the last couple days. When we’re going through loss, feeling lonesome is normal. Because our partner used to help us settle that lonesomeness, when it crops up again it sometimes pushes us into old habits.

    I remember after I got contacts I used to try to take off my glasses a lot. The worst was when I was in a conversation with someone and I’d press the bridge of my nose to push my glasses up… I felt like a fool (especially when i’d start laughing).

    Consider that you’re in a very special and fertile place to set down the lonesomeness. Being lonely is craving another to make us feel better. If you can accept that you are alone, then you can shut up that voice in your head that begs you to find another dose of him, and become the light which brings love to your world.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    August 8, 2013 at 10:09 pm #40029
    Sassypants
    Participant

    You’re the best. Thanks Matt for being a friend and helping me get over this.

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