Really need your help in fixing this...

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This topic has 10 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 11 months ago by Grace.

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May 24, 2015 at 3:01 am #77158

Erik
Participant

Hi Gracen,
I think it was good you wrote the letter. That situation needed to come into the light. I believe everything as far as you are concerned is resolved. Forgive yourself. We live and learn 🙂 <3

May 24, 2015 at 3:18 am #77159

Paul
Participant

Agreed. ..move on..and release

May 24, 2015 at 4:07 am #77160

Alexa
Participant

Yah know what, in life you will meet people that you feel a connection with! Sometimes it’s plutonic because without taking the next step you don’t know if feelings would progress, we’ve all done it. You think it’s something but you have a kiss or get close and realise nothing’s there!

In my opinion, step right back, grieve for the loss you will feel and move on because like you said you wouldn’t want to come between two people, you wouldn’t want to hurt her. He is just one of those men that has his cake and wants to eat it to. If you look at it like that, how shady of him! Would you want anything to progress with someone who really has led you on whilst being in a relationship?! No you wouldn’t! If he’s done that to her there’s no doubt he could do it to you also so if you look at it that way it was an easy escape! And thank god because you would have gone through that also! Look at it this way if he was any sort of man he would not have involved himself with you full stop!
Okay so the attentions gone from someone you thought could potentially be a partner for yourself but in reality he wouldn’t have been a good one for you!

You did what u felt was right and wrote a letter, you got your reply and he stood by her and she foolishly stands by him, cut the cord and move on, you don’t need to even be friends with someone who has such little respect for his family and really no respect for you!

As the saying goes ‘some will, some won’t, so what, NEXT’ move on let it go and be happy knowing you walked away with your pride and dignity still in tacked and just feel a lil bad that his partner has to put up with that behaviour long term!

You caught a break! Learn from it and grow from it and know that you had the chance to potentially ruin that family but you didn’t because your a good person with a heart, so many people wouldn’t care!

Smile knowing that you got away pain free .. The emotions your feeling now are temporary!

May 24, 2015 at 4:15 am #77161
Erik
Participant
I was married with a child when I developed a strong attraction for a co-worker. She had a boyfriend. I kept my feelings to myself. I ended my marriage about 9 months after I met her, not because of her, but because my wife and I had grown hopelessly apart. After my divorce I dated another co-worker for a few months, then ended that for several reasons. Soon after that I felt compelled to tell the former woman, whom I had at this point been close friends with for a year, that I wanted to be with her. She said, “I am flattered, but I am with so & so and We are happy.” I left it at that. The next day at work she said, “I left so & so.” We were married for many years. Looking back we both agree that we should have remained “just friends.” The truth is, just because you love someone it does not mean that you should have sex with them and/or make a life with them. Love and compatibility do not necessarily go together. Again; we live and learn (hopefully:)
- This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Erik.
May 24, 2015 at 5:04 am #77163

Inky
Participant

Hi gracen,

OK, first of all, NEVER put anything personal in writing!! Like, ever. Not in business, not online, not in journals. It is SO easy for things to be misconstrued, or turned against you.

**What I will write next is not for the faint of heart or the easily offended, but it is the truth**

Second of all, you keep calling the couple “Them”/”They” or they are all “We”. There is no “Them” because.. He didn’t put a ring on it!! She has merely picked him to raise her children. She is not the wife. Nor a fiancée. She is just a girlfriend. Yes, I said it. Just a Girlfriend. Meaning, he can leave anytime, still keeping to his, God’s and the world’s morals! I think that he is not as into her as “they” say, simply because he was so into you (possibly as an escape), (and has found himself raising her kids, IMO). He has not proposed, has he?

I’m not putting her down, believe it or not. Obviously, she should dump him, the two-timer.

By showing her the letter he has made an “Us Against Her” or “Us Against the World” dynamic. This is called Triangulation. Instead of getting angry at him (and I love HIM apologizing to YOU for “leading you on”. Please.) She has chosen for “Them” to think you’re just some girl.

No, don’t talk to him. If anything call the girlfriend and tell her, “Have your boyfriend stop contacting me” if he ever talks to you. If he gets incensed and “they” talk to you again, have your lawyer scare them a little with a Cease and Desist letter to cast them out of their fantasy land. Then maybe he’ll get real with her and propose or leave, once the distraction (you) is over.

Reclaim your Dignity.

Inky

May 24, 2015 at 5:57 am #77165

Erik
Participant

Dear Inky,
You saying, “She has merely picked him to raise her children” is nothing short of delusion.
You have no evidence whatsoever to come up with that conclusion. You are projecting your issues.
Your entire reply suggests that you have serious anger issues to deal with.
I say all of this out of love. Best wishes 🙂

May 24, 2015 at 6:24 am #77166
Grace
Participant
Thank you so much for replying back everyone, it really means a lot to me.

For the past 2 months, I have felt nothing short of the lowest of the low… but deep down, I know that everything was done with the right intention. Whenever I saw him feeling down in the dumps, I tried to lift his spirits because I cared. Everything I did for him was because I cared. But it gets to me that it has all now been misconstrued to make me seem like I am a bad person… something I began to believe.

Inky – I agree with you, I too believe that maybe their relationship is in trouble. I think he found something in me that he probably isn’t getting from his girlfriend.

All of your kind words has lifted my spirits. Believe it or not, I still care deeply for him, I worry about him when I see that he is down and resist from going over to make sure he’s ok. To this day, I wish him every happiness.

But I think for now, its time for me to let go.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Grace.
May 24, 2015 at 7:59 am #77172

Inky
Participant

Hi evolvingdesires,

Well, it’s true.. I apologize..When I read what gracen had written I felt a strong uprising of indignation and anger ~ for her! I just didn’t like how they ganged up on her and treated her so unfairly. Also, I do sometimes get calls to work as an Intuitive, so the “merely picked him..” thing escaped me. (But what I do strongly intuit!!). But I am not here as a reader, so..

OK, let me see if I can rewrite what I had written stripped of anger. Gracen:

1. Don’t put anything personal in writing. Lesson learned.

2. He needs to marry the girlfriend or cast her loose. She shouldn’t bring a man into her children’s lives unless he will be there long term (as in, forever, IMO).

3. He used triangulation. He did that with you to a degree if he ever complained to you about his GF. And then when you essentially “broke up” with him, he did it again, he and his GF against you.

4. Don’t contact them again. If he/she/they do, complain/fight back/set them straight.

May 24, 2015 at 10:34 pm #77197

Erik
Participant

Inky & Gracen

The 3 of us have wonderful things in common.
We all genuinely care about the well-being of others.
We all desire to better ourselves and are humble enough to admit when we are wrong and correct ourselves.
We all have good intentions.

The road to heaven/enlightenment/perfection is paved with good intentions.
(Whoever said (or believes) “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” does not have a clue:)

<3

May 25, 2015 at 1:31 am #77199

Grace
Participant

Thank you for your advice Inky, lesson learnt. I really appreciate your concern (and you are extremely intuitive – what a gift!).

Evolving Desires: I agree. I guess I must now learn to protect myself from people who will exploit my kindness for their own purposes… next chapter of my story.
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