Hi Christa,

When you go no contact, or even take a long break, beware of The Flying Monkeys. They are the family members in your father’s circle who will try to guilt you into coming back. You must be the problem because he is great to them *sarcasm*.

How about this paradigm shift: How about YOU treat YOURSELF the way your dad treats the new family?? You know, give, empathize and protect yourself? Have your husband talk to that family the way your father talks to you regarding the steps. What if he shredded dad for slights against you? Wrote multi-page letters describing his disappointment?? Of course, dad will be angry. Thunderstruck!

The more you are alone, and stand in your own power, the energy should change. Also, witnesses are awesome buffers. ALWAYS have dad on speaker phone and ALWAYS have someone else in the room with him. Return letters unread. Block him from texts, email and social media. Done.

Publicly THANK ALL the people (surrogate fathers) for ALL their PRAISE, for BELIEVING in you, and their SUPPORT. That will burn dad like coal. But he can’t abuse you covertly anymore.

Rooting for You,

Inky

Dear Christa:

Maybe it will be helpful for you to type out that email here, on your thread, before sending it, if you send it at all. Would you like to do that?

(I will be back in about 12-16 hours from now)

anita

Dear Christa:

“It’s just a fantasy to think I could ever be heard, or validated in any way” by him, by your father or  by your step sister. But you can be heard and validated right here. This is why I suggested you type your email here, into your thread.

I kept hoping for way too long that I  would be heard and validated by my mother, decades of hoping. She did not hear me at 5, at 15, at 25, at 35, at 45 and then I finally ended contact with her when I was 52. Fifty two years of hoping. Fifty years of waiting and hoping and trying. What a waste.

anita