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Questions about friendships

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  • November 30, 2015 at 6:38 am #88543
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear J:

    I think it is about how you define “friendship.” Someone who is not a total stranger? Someone you used to have fun with? What is a friend? I think the definition changes with one’s level of maturity… evolution is the word I use. Once you define what “friendship” and a “friend” is for YOU,in the PRESENT, then you got it. What was friendship and who was a friend in the past, if you matured and evolved (at any age) is not going to be friendship/ friend now (unless the friend matured and evolved along similar lines).

    I have become very selective over time. My definition has dramatically changed. If you would like, define friendship and friend as it is true for you now.

    anita

    November 30, 2015 at 12:30 pm #88555
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi J,

    Even as a slightly older adult, friendships fade and/or change. They are situational friendships. You can’t get mad when they end, they just do sometimes.

    And yes, I’ve had friendships where I had to end it. It was more awkward as a stable, grown adult, to do it. Meaning I couldn’t blame it on anything like school, moving, etc. I just tried to cool it. But then the other person got mad.

    “ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE?!”

    (No, b/c you’re crazy)…. Many stories with that one, many, many stories…

    But what you don’t want to do, especially with women is “Talk about it”. It solves nothing and only makes things more Weird, IMHO.

    I don’t know when she stopped contacting me, whether it was after I yelled at her not to give her DD’s inheritance away to charity or when she stalked me at my father’s house when we tried to sneak out of our own house (yes, you read that right) so we could enjoy a holiday in peace!

    Sorry for rambling,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 5 months ago by Inky.
    December 29, 2015 at 1:18 pm #90862
    jock
    Participant

    I just noticed this thread of yours J, and I think it is a very relevant theme for me too.
    Feeling guilty for friendships fading away, for not staying in touch. I mean I could have a lot more friends now, if I made that effort but I just think we have less in common now, (different job, different city)
    But I want to especially relate this to my family of 6 brothers. My parents have passed on.
    I sometimes think, if we didn’t have the same parents we would never become friends in real life. We are all so different, have different perspectives on life and it widens the older we get. I don’t really feel close to any of them. It is only our shared memories that keep us together and blood relations. I would like to sever at least one of those ties, but it is not practical because of family reunions. If I think about it now, I never had much in common with this particular brother at all. Yet he forced his world view on to me, when he was younger, and even now gets wound up occasionally and becomes dismissive of anyone who dare disagree with him.

    December 29, 2015 at 6:25 pm #90873
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    This is the oldest brother you are referring to. Still dismissive at times, probably triggers in you old wounds. Wouldn’t you like to kick his ass just once (I suggested it in a previous post but got no reply). I mean, just once. And hard. Right there, in front of everyone, you eat half of your dessert during the next Family Reunion, stretch your right leg, get up, leisurely walk to him and kick his ass. Then go back and finish your dessert.

    This is the first time I promote violence on this forum but it is only ass kicking. And only this one time.

    anita

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