Power in Relationships

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This topic has 17 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 9 years ago by Anonymous.

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October 30, 2015 at 8:00 pm #86453

jock
Participant

Is power important to you in a relationship? (all relationships, not just intimate)
You might like to feel you have more:
money
knowledge
education
life experience/maturity
common-sense
insight/wisdom
intelligence/logical thinking
good looks
compassion
parental skill
ability to laugh and enjoy yourself

This is a hard thing to admit, isn’t it. I certainly don’t like feeling powerless in a relationship.
If I am truly honest, there is a feeling of competitiveness in me. Put it this way, I don’t want to feel inferior in all areas. I’d like to think I have something to offer besides my pretty face. 🙂

October 30, 2015 at 8:16 pm #86454
jock
Participant
I mean you meet people who like to have the edge in a conversation, don’t you. They might like to steer the conversation towards study if they have a Masters for instance. Or if they are a successful business person, they like to talk about the risks they took to start a successful business, how anyone can do it, if they just have their courage. When I was young and single, I met guys who loved to talk about their success with the opposite sex. And of course my grandmother used to love talking about her “amazing”children to any stranger she met. 🙂
In an ideal world, conversations would be mutually respectful. People wouldn’t feel so insecure that they needed to impress others. They wouldn’t need to patronise others either. We place too much value on what others think of us. We need to only care what we think of ourselves.
There endeth the lesson. 🙂
- This reply was modified 9 years ago by jock.
October 31, 2015 at 1:28 am #86463

Anonymous
Inactive

Jack –

For me personally, no. I just like someone who’s laid back and can be themselves around me. People who know me in my personal life really well, know that I am easy to be around and a great listener. That is what I have been told and I do agree with their opinions. What I do find really attractive is when a person talks about their compassions/passions. It’s beautiful to see their eyes and their soul radiate when they do talk about it. My conversations with acquaintances and close friends are always mutually respectful. Jack, what you said at the end ” We place too much value on what others think of us. We need to only care what we think of ourselves.” That I 100% agree with you on.

I currently live and come from North Scottsdale where many people are all about material possessions. People that were born and raised here, like myself and close friends of mine, we live a practical life. Not trying to show off by driving a fancy car, fancy house and material possessions ect. I live a very simple & practical life, I live in a white practical house, drive a Toyota 4 runner and not a fancy car. I chose to always be and stay this way. Although I may live in a very nice part of town, that being because I was raised here in this exact area that I am in now, it’s home to me. I still own and carry the same purse that I bought 2 years ago ( I should probably replace it soon, it’s starting to slowly fall apart on me lol.) Anyway, you get the picture. I can have nice things by being practical and smart with my money. I don’t like or enjoy wasting my money on material possessions or shopping sprees but what I do invest my money in is on travel experiences. I read an article just a few weeks ago, saying that investing your money on travel experiences is the smartest and most rewarding mentally. Couldn’t help but to grin the entire time because I’ve always believed in investing my money on traveling the world. Although it takes time for me to save/invest when it comes to certain personal travel destinations, it’s the best feeling in the world to carry those memories forever.

Thanks for your post, truly refreshing!

Sending positivity, love and light your way. Take care.

October 31, 2015 at 4:15 am #86466

jock
Participant

Thanks Elle for your post. Obviously you are a really down-two earth and friendly person!

October 31, 2015 at 6:58 am #86469

Inky
Participant

Hi jack,

When someone goes on and on about their success/fame/money, it shows their insecurity! Like if they didn’t have success/fame/money I wouldn’t even talk to them. Or more aggressively, that they are using it to put me in my place. Usually I hear that kind of stuff at parties. Or from my sister (LOL). I just block it out and move to the punch bowl and turn in early.

I don’t long for power in relationships as much as I want respect and connection. Being truly seen and heard.

My “currency” is my family. I put them first and brag about them if I do that sort of talk at all.

Best,

Inky

October 31, 2015 at 11:09 am #86474

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Jack:

Power in relationships is the topic- depending on the context power in a relationship is either healthy and desirable or abusive and therefore undesirable. Some kind of power is necessary: the power to stand up for oneself. To stand up for what you believe is true about what is going on in the relationship. If you are submissive in a relationship, if you give up and give in anything and everything so to please the other, so to win approval and acceptance, it is a bad thing for your own well being. A Win-Win attitude and practice is best in any relationship. It has to be WIN for you and the only way it can be win for you, is if you stand up for yourself.

You showed courage in my thread yesterday. You stood up to two people on that thread. That is the kind of power that is oh, so very good. A breath of fresh air. Isn’t it? That feeling of standing tall when under negative criticism? You stand up against a person who showed disapproval of you- you gain the courage to stand up to those “little people”/ Inner Selves who criticize you- you stand up to the toxic inner critic or inner bully: practice one, you practice the other.

So pay attention to any relationship, and take any opportunity available to practice courage- it is that courage that will help you stand up to the greatest bullies of all, those in your own head. This is my experience. I recommend it.

anita

October 31, 2015 at 3:18 pm #86476

jock
Participant

We don’t always see eye to eye Anita and really our perspectives are quite different. But this time I agreed with your point about direct language. Yes we need to be polite but we also should try to avoid ambiguity. Say what we mean. I like people getting to the point, saying what they mean and this is one of your strengths.
It’s funny how, a person’s style of communication, their phrasing, can influence us or make us like or dislike their online persona. Also, you can feel the tone of a person’s post through their choice of words. I can sense humility or arrogance as I’m sure most people can. I may come over arrogant or patronising sometimes and not be aware of it. So it is lack of self-awareness, how we are coming across to others.
Yes we can be accused of “reading between the lines” (reading too much)and I agree that is sometimes the case. We have no literal evidence. But I think this argument can also be used by people to protect their sneaky agenda. “who me? No I wasn’t attacking anyone. Look how innocent my words are!” It’s a strategy I’ve seen on forums before to protect themselves from getting in trouble with moderators or the more esteemed members of the forum.

October 31, 2015 at 3:29 pm #86477

jock
Participant

So it is natural then to talk about power on here, this forum. Are we older members ever using our age and experience as a trump card? Are we ever patronising younger members, “oh you don’t understand, when you get to my age, you’ll see what I’m saying.”
Or are the younger members thinking” oh god, why do I have to respect these technophobic dinosaurs?” 🙂
Might be a male/female thing too. Personally I’d like to see another regular male on here. Which makes me think that this kind of forum tends to attract females. Why can’t I have more masculine interests? 🙂

October 31, 2015 at 3:33 pm #86478

jock
Participant

I don’t long for power in relationships as much as I want respect and connection

I guess that is what we all want, Inky And let’s hope we can do that on here. 🙂

October 31, 2015 at 7:46 pm #86490

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Jack:

I do value honest, direct, straightforward communication, saying what I mean and meaning what I say. I value your practice of these things very much. Very much indeed. Thank you so much for being YOU here on this forum. For as long as you choose to be here, I am so glad you are here!

anita

November 1, 2015 at 6:50 am #86502
Inky
Participant
Hi jack,

I’m glad we are all respectful and connected on this forum ~ even when we disagree!

Inky
- This reply was modified 9 years ago by Inky.
November 1, 2015 at 7:23 am #86506

jock
Participant

Inky
mmm Looks like I’m to blame for one of the regulars leaving this forum .
A shame really. I don’t think I was offensive.

November 1, 2015 at 7:43 am #86507

Inky
Participant

Wait ~ what??

Did I miss some epic drama??? Jack, I don’t think you are responsible for anyone leaving the forums!! Wow, I’m out to lunch! I only post once a day, but I don’t remember you being offensive, disrespectful or anything!

November 1, 2015 at 8:05 am #86509

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Jack:

The thread “Delete my account” was started by Moon/Anonymous in August 7, 2013. That is more than two years ago, way before you entered the forum. I suppose Moon changed her mind, maybe she changed her user name as some do, and continued. This means Moon may be back… she may already be here with another username (Snails also changed her username as she stated on my thread).

anita (by the way, this is my real name and username and I was always and will always be anita on this forum)

November 1, 2015 at 8:41 am #86512

jock
Participant

I think we older members have learnt to have a thicker skin. One disagreement doesn’t have to be the end. I mean if we are just going to fawn over each other and never have a falling out, that’s not real compassion. That’s just superficial BS, in my view. 🙂 Real maturity is moving on from a dispute, and learning to accept each others’ idiosyncrasies, even they might annoy us.
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